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- U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security
Montezuma de Cotrez XCILLV
|Motto: Heil de Frozen FÜror|
|Anthem: San Antonio's National Anthem|
|Official language(s)||Redneck, German, Soviet, and Arabic|
|Major exports||Incest, crime, stupidity.|
|Major imports||Weed, KKK hoods|
|Closed to non Stumpyians|
San Antonio is noted for being the only city in Nebraska to have a population under that of a Chuckie Cheese on Easter Weekend. The current residents of San Antonio are Fred, Joe, Martha, the defrosted clone of Adolf Hitler, Santa Anna, some black guy, Peter, Paul, and Mary. However, San Antonio is ruled by the iron-fisted Stumpy, the three legged cat.
“Eww! This tastes like shit!.”
“O.K. then, let me take it back.”
“No! I like Shit.”
“WTF you call that shit a river?”
In 1836, after TexAss had fought a somewhat uneventful war with Mexico for the right to put nacho cheese on steak, San Antonio was under the dominion of the Evil Abraham Lincoln, master of the Sith. It was only with the help of a small green lizard named Billy Bob Bo'Yabba Dabba Booby Billie did the San Antonions wrestle control of the forms necessary to allow a non-binding resolution to gradually turn the city over to the inhabitance by 666. This caused a massive migration to the city, and by 6/6/06 the population was 6 million. Unfortunately, due to inbreeding at a massive scale, San Antonio was mostly made up of gay hicks. Due to this fact the San Antonions joined the state of Nebraska because, as stated by the cities overlord, "It sounds purrdy." And so, San Antonio became part of the Nebraskan Empire.
Stumpy Rises to Power
Dismayed with the actions of the San Antonions, Stumpy, the product of a very lonely man and the neighbors cat, took a stand (to take a pisse (olde engishe for piss)). Stumpy, with the aid of Hitler's clone, ran for political office on the basis that cats are purrdy. Stumpy won by a landslide (just like bush in florida), his only opponent being Ugly McShitalot, a very unsightly beagle.
Stumpy Rules with no Remorse
On his first day in office Stumpy banished all of the liberal media to what ever the hell is the capital on Nebraska (hell). This reduced the population of the city from 4 million to 4million. The path the outlawed citizens took is now known as the Trail of Aardvarks. In the wake of the mutants there was destruction and chaos. Luckily, the trail took them through the center of the United States, so nobody cared nor noticed. Today San Antonio is a
metropolitan successful okay city town truckstop shithole.
San Antonio primary income is tourism. In 2003 the city reported record earnings when a Chinese couple drove into town, lost, and decided to buy a map, 2 bags of eggrolls and a pack of rice from a Panda Express. The Chinese couple then decided to open a nail salon called "Pretty Pink Poffy Nails.