San Francisco 49ers
The San Francisco 49ers (also known as 69ers, but have been condemned by the Catholic Church so they don't really use the moniker anymore), were born in the tender year of 784 AD. Under the supervision of megamillionare Mel Gibson, the 49ers went on to conquer the NorthSouthEastWest Division. In fact they were the only team in the league until those pesky birds, the Ravens, joined in 1949 AD.
The Ravens and 49ers had their differences at first, but just like Noah they were able to have kids at a very, very old age. In fact they created the rest of the NFL when the pesky bird forgot to use contraception because the Pope said it was killing an innocent life. They crapped 32 consecutive kids. The oldest being the Oakland Raiders. Now the baby raider was a real pain in the tuckus and used to bag on his younger siblings. No one really knows why Al Davis was attached to the little Raider, but the doctor said it was a sign from God. Another thing no one knows is why know one knows the order in which the other kids were crapped out in. Some people say that the second child born were the New England Patriots, others say it was really Barry Bonds. We shall never know for we cannot see into the past because there is a censor bar on it.
The Hay Days
The first 1,195 years of the 49ers existence were very mediocre. In 1979 Mel Gibson had no choice, but to sell the team to his good friend Pikachu(a.k.a. Eddie DeBartolo). Pikachu hired Bill Walsh who was an assistant to the 49ers offspring the Oakland Raiders. Bill Walsh drafted the likes of Chuck Norris, Joe Montana, Bucky "Fucking" Dent, Joe Cool and the Gang, Mike Tyson, Jesus, and Jerry Rice.
Walsh also sold his wife and kids for the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleaders who are now known as the Gold Rush and like to be hanged from trees. The turning point in Walsh's career was when he received Lasik Eye Surgery and a Bud Light from Carlos Mencia. Those amazing 49ers went on to win 18 SuperBowls(Cereal was dropped after mad cow disease had struck the nation)
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|Terrell Owens | John Madden | Rex Grossman | Kyle Orton | O.J. Simpson | Scott Norwood | Al Davis | Dan Snyder| Brian Urlacher|
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|Patriot Act (football) | Football hooligans | Marching band | The Super Bowl|
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This page will be re-checked on 16:01, 31 October 2015