Sarvajanik College of Engineering and Technology

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo6.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Sarvajanik College of Engineering and Technology.

“Hu la. Aava ke javaa. Hu ni aava, jaa ni. Ni kar, evu ni kar. Ni Ni Ni”
~ Oscar Wilde on SCET

“Abe, main nahin aage jaa raha hu! Saara UNIVERSE peechhe ghum raha hai”
~ Oscar Wilde on Sai Kiran Jetti

The SCET (Sarvajanik College of Engineering and Technology) is an engineering college which is a part of the Sarvajanik Education Society. The college was started in 1995 in Surat, Gujarat, and is located on the banks of a muddy effluent canal. The college was supposedly started by a bunch of hoodlums led by a starched-khakhi wearing politician-cum-pseudo social-worker. Since then, many pseudo-politicians and pseudo-humans have been drawn to this institution, though have been largely confined to the Textile department.

Presently, around 1600 zombies are getting their lives permanently scarred.

History[edit]

In the late 1990s, there was an epidemic of new engineering colleges in the great Indian state of Gujarat. The once plague-infested city of Surat, was infected not once, but twice with this malady spawning the hive of scum and villainy that is the Sarvajanik College of Engineering and Technology.

Departments[edit]

Canteen[edit]

The SCET canteen is a city-wide phenomenon. When it replaced the Kaalu-laari enterprise, serving such items as Idli-Wada, Sangwich and Bhurji, the residents of the Athwa Lines area of Surat thanked their stars and were quoted as saying "SCET nu jaman ne Kashi nu maran" (loosely translated as: "(The lucky people will obtain) a meal from the SCET canteen and death in Kashi". The SCET canteen is now a multi-cuisine eatery, with its Michelin-starred chefs Shetty and Reddy serving signature dishes like Chinese Bhel, Jain Chinese Bhel, Digambar Jain Chinese Bhel, and the most popular, Special Chinese Bhel.

Textile[edit]

After its ISO 9000 certified canteen, the SCET (pronounce 'sket') is most well known for its Textile department. This department comes in two strains- both unnecessary- Textile Technology (aka TT) and Textile Processing (TP). TP also means Time Pass and Toilet Paper (see: Beavis and Butthead). Students of this department can be recognized by their accents, their denim trousers, and their firm belief that there is no God but Oprah

Computer Engineering[edit]

The computer department is mainly known for (over-rated) girls and a faculty with an average age similar to its students. One of the most notable developments by the students of this department has been the invention of the Teaser virus known as the SHARDA. While the correct meaning of this acronym is highly debatable, the typical characteristics of the SHARDA virus include teasing the user to believe they have complete control of the virus, and then blanking the screen with the message, "I cannot execute like THAAAT"

Instrumentation and Control[edit]

While nobody is absolutely certain what this department is for and students in their final years are usually found asking each other what kinds of jobs they are eligible for. The answer usually is "Kya kare, control nahi hota" (loosely translated as: "What should I do, I can't control myself."). AKA IC. I see.

Electrical Engineering[edit]

“When in series, a CHINKI!”
~ Oscar Wilde on 'trical department

This department is most well known for having discovered the Vondri Paanu (Monkey Wrench). It is the most fabulous invention to have come out of any single educational institution since Brahmagupta discovered nothing (zero). Also known as the 'trical department.Another interesting event in this department happened with the metamorphosis of the Chinki,a type of electrical interference, from no-load to over-load, and back again to no-load. It has, thankfully, remained at no-load ever since.

Chemical Engineering[edit]

Jealous of the 'trical departments discovery of that freakish electromagnetic field coupling device known as the Vondri Paanu, the students and faculty members of this department jointly conducted synthesis of a new catalyst. This catalyst is known to be highly unstable, and can cause even the most controlled of experimental reactions to back-fire if not handled properly. It has been named the Bhatia by the department. The surest way to recognize this catalyst is by its legs-of-death functional group. (possibly an N=OH double bond, with a tertiary nickel amine)

Electronics[edit]

“When a transistor and a resistor are placed in parallel, they produce a Big Gaur @ hotmail.”
~ Oscar Wilde on SCET 'tronics department

Also known as 'tronics. An interesting prank to play on final-year students is to ask them what a transistor is. No seriously, give it a shot.

Library[edit]

The best use of this building has been for audition purposes during the annual cultural programs, or as a resting place, or debating place where shouting beyond normal human audible limits is practised. It also has some books. The library is managed by people who undoubtedly have never been to one before. The highest level of confusion exists in this area of the college(other departments are trying their best to compete). It is easier to find any book in a sunday morning street market for second hand books than inside this library. The books that matter the most are always with the faculty members of the college, of course they need it the most given their level of incompetence. Now for the rest of the books, the relevant links between the books and the syallbus of the institution is yet to be established. Some computers have been placed there, the exact purpose of which is yet to be ascertained.

Hostel[edit]

The college students also have the privileged option to opt for a hostel facility. It is a historical experience. Formerly the building was house to prisoners, but on account of the inhuman conditions prevailing they were shifted to a better prison and since then the building houses college students. Open loo facilities are available for everyone wherein anyone can piss at the very point one feels like without any hesitation. Walking under shelters is hence recommended. The lodging facility is an experiment(in cooperation with the African Relief Fund)to test the survival chances of the samples under conditions of food distress, and the results of survival are quite promising.

Language[edit]

The college has also added much to the language of not only the city of Surat, but also to regions of the world as far as Syracuse, NY (USA), Worcester, MA (USA) and San Diego, CA (USA) in addition to many Indian cities.

  • Khatu- The word khatu is the college's most notable contribution to the language of the world. Originating in the strange chha rastas (6 roads) of Ahmedabad, this term found its way to SCET jargon by way of a Daav (game), a Vondri (monkey) and many others. Some say the word gained traction in the Adajan Paatia vistaar of Surat, but this is unconfirmed.
  • Toppa- The second-most notable contribution after Khatu, the word toppa came into being at a meeting of ten linguists (some say nine, some say eleven, let us settle for the mean) at a cricket match featuring shiv-shiv Afridi and his sister, Aashu. The word conveys a whole bouquet of meanings, from exasperation, to greeting; from spite, to lust(this is debatable); from joy to despair.
  • Whooaaa- The most under-appreciated word added to the international lexicon is Whooaaa. Part greeting, part expression of surprise, part expression of anger, usually followed by the word Toppa. Native speakers of that flat dialect of the SCET language can correctly trigger voice activated devices to perform their bidding by speaking the word Whoaaa perfectly, starting from the back of the throat and ending in a high-pitched crescendo. The word whooaaa is sometimes accompanied by a sideways tilt of the head, so that the ear almost touches the shoulder.
  • Paishay-de- This word is said to have originated amongst a fierce tribe of lion-killers from the western state of Maharashtra, who settled in Hurat at the turn of century. The word is a battle cry for the brave young warriors before they embark on the dangerous task of hunting vadaa-paav. This word is generally posed as a demand to the elders council.

Placements[edit]

The only institution that is recruiting students from this college is the college itself. The immediate source of employement for the students is to start teaching in this very college, as even the faculty members compete students in search of a better employement opportunity. This practice has prompted some among the wise elders (i.e. people who graduated 4+ years ago) to propose a Philosophy department that would investigate the future of a self perpetuating university. That is, a university that existed solely to provide employment to its own students. Physicists are also interested in this idea as it could lead to ideas on self generating power.

Unfortunately there are no Physicists or Philosophers of any note anywhere near the college and most likely never will be.


Verve[edit]

Faculty[edit]

Notable brainwashers have included people like Aditi "Mistress of 'trical", Jigisha "Reaction gone wrong" Parikh, A.A. "Growing up naughty" Khambhatti, and the most colourful of them all, Mr. Perci Engineer.

Mr. Perci Engineer is also the current brain-washer-in-chief.


Scarred Alumni[edit]

  • Dani
  • Rathi
  • Nitin Nago
  • Dhanraj
  • Niti
  • Laalo urf Ketan