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Schnitzels are parts of dead copses of swine with the favorable properties to

  • require no extra oils for frying
  • taste the same if fried for 2 up to 40 minutes

They are often served in sheets the size of a large plate with potatoe salad. The Wiener Schnitzel, with ample breadcrumb coating, can contain anything from Leguan-croquettes to molluscs.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Schnitzel.

The Schnitzel Story[edit]

Schniztels were invented by a curious young man named Gregory Hoofenheifen, living in Greenland at the time. He thought that it would be a good idea to go on a homocidal rampage. However, that idea was quickly abandoned and he went on a nice seal-hunting day. Unfortunately, he didn't catch any. Fortunately, no seals were harmed in the making of the movie he was currently in, "David, The Story," though his name was actually not David. One day, he went to his good partner-in-crime's house. His name was Benito Mussolini. He stated, "I have never wanted to become friends with Adolf Hitler." Getting a random idea, Hoofenheifen decided to make a schnitzel. Mussolini actually eventually became good friends with Hitler, unfortunately, due to a freak death accident. They became the most notorious evil people in the world. The schnitzel was born.