From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The Schwa is a variable that, as it approaches Crzmblski's Limit, bridges the gap between Newtonian physics and Quantum Mechanics. The mathematics behind this variable are quite simple and are usually taught to elementary school students between subtraction and division. A typical quiz:




Crzmblski's limit  >=      as    approaches 3

Note: You may disregard Schimbal's Transformation Principle

Now take out a sheet of paper, a crayon and solve for Schwa.

Schwa in Nazi Mysticism[edit]

The variable also plays a major role in Nazi mysticism. That is because the schwa represents the phoneme E in the word Führer. Many also link it to aliens due to the fact that because of a well-unknown Google conspiracy, searching for schwa on Google image search provides insight into alien plans of world domination. Don't try this at home. Please.

The Schwa as a Symbol[edit]

The schwa is the base of the ever popular schwasticker. This symbol is the center of worship for self-proclaimed schwazis, and schwapresentitives.

History of Schwa[edit]

The schwa was established in 8675309BC, but was not recognized as a symbol of power until 1945(AD). The schwa was converted to the schwa-sticker at that time. The followers of schwa-sticker were unclear in their beliefs until about August 11 1999, when they made a rarely heard of public statement which proclaimed quote "We believe in everything that is schwa! The schwazis are supreme, honor the schwa or we'll sick a grue on you." This speech was followed by the sun's lightbulb went out temporarily, and many grues feasting on the 3 camramen/reporters attending, 16 schwapresentitives, and 3 of the 15 schwazis on guard duty.


Though commonly grouped together, Schwazis and Schwapresentitives are very different. Schwazis worship the schwa and everything it stands for. Many got on murderous rampages when their beleifs are compromised, questioned, and/or insulted. They also become enraged when compared to eskimos.

Schwazi Beliefs[edit]

  • The schwa rules and has the last laugh in everything.
  • No one really likes Fig Newtons, besides Ricky Bobby.
  • Schwapresentitives are sissys.
  • Podium


Schwapresentitives are more about interpreting, enforcing, and representing the schwa, than actual worship. They do however, go postal whenever the schwa is downgraded. One Schwapresentitive caused global warming when he heard quote, "The schwa is a useless dictionary symbol." Though they may be more diplomatic than Schwazis, Schwapresentitives believe just as strongly in Schwa/Schwa-sticker.

Schwapresentitive Beliefs[edit]

  • The schwa is better than you.
  • Mac 'n cheese is for posers.
  • Schwazis are mindless lunatics, and only good for killing enemies of the schwa.
  • Who cares about umbrellas.


Many people think they're part of the legion of Template:Schwa, when really, it's all in their head. These people are called schwosers. They're very annoying to actual schwazis and schwapresentitives. Many schwazis are hired to kill idiots and send them all to jail. There are many famous schwosers in this world, and they all have high ransoms on their heads. The schwapresentitives have grand parties when one of these world famous schwosers are gotten rid of.

Famous Schwosers[edit]

There are some signs of being a schwoser. If you experience any of these things, kill yourself for the good of all humanity, before we do. Note: Not all symptons have been documented. If you think you are a sxhwoser, you probably are.

Schwoser Symtoms[edit]

  • No one likes you.
  • While talking about how awesome the schwa is, you find a laser light centered on your forehead.
  • You find yourself repeatedly the center of an angry mob consisting of people covered in schwa-stickers.
  • No one likes you.
  • You spastically feel the need to kill yourself for the good of all humanity.
  • You've been in the hospital more than 3 times for stab wounds that were inflicted by some guy from Canada.

And last but most importantly:

  • No one likes you!