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Guid tae see ye at the Scots Uncyclopædia, the first encyclopædia in the Scots leid!

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Scots.
A Scott, but not a Scot

Warning!: this article is overly scottish!

Wat be Scots?

Scots is a leid frae the Scots Lallans. Scots is alsae noon as "Inglis". Maist fowks that tak Inglish saes it's nocht but Inglish written wi orra wirds an spellins.

Scots akchtualee meens in Scots ' a ballixed up moonee raisin skeem dat nae yin shud taek sereeously, A meen joost luk at dis sentans! '

War doos it be spawkin?

Scots bees spawkin in playses like Lallan Scotland, Ingland and parts of Airleann, boot dats different, dats Ullans or Oolster Scots.


Scots was invented by Angus MacDonald in Seventoon Naintee Too to cambat tha rise o' batter leids sooch as Airish Gaelic, Scottish Gaelic, Esparanto an basically anee udder leids.

Do ye dinnae hae nay faith? By tha biabul in Scots nowe!
Don't forget, the earth was created 4004 BC and fossil evidence is a test of faith! Don't let school pervert you, little children! ;)

Sampul Texts

Al hoomans ar born free, an um... *bagpipe music*

Wich a'cours bees tha Oorapeen declaration o' hooman rites, i tink...

Al hoomans ar born free, aleest dose dat ar Scots, fuck Gaelic, up de Inglis!!!

Wich a'cours bees tha Scots declaration o' hooman rites, mooch bettar.


A'course Scots bein such a bootiful an valid leid, it has tuns o dialects, such as:

Na tha differans batween dees is incredibul, joost look at dees sampul!

  • English : The stupid children said that scots was a made up language.
  • Lallans : Tha wee daftees sayd dat Scots was a mad oop leid!
  • Glaswegian : Tha wee daftys sed dat Scoots was a made oop leid!
  • Edinburghee : Tha wee dafties sed tat Scots beed a made oop leid!
  • Oolster Scots : Tha nat wise children said that Oolster Scots was a made oop leid!

Oolster Scots!

Lang ago Airleann spook campletly a leid cald Airish, den de Inglish an de Scots got tagether an decidit dat Airleann didn't akchtualee balang tae de Airish, but it was akchtualee ders.

So den dey sailed o'er an took al de land an kilt a lot o' fawks, den in Naintoon Tweentee sumtin de Sudern Airish brok away frae de brits, but den dey decided dat dey wantit Oolster fur demselves.

A lot o wars happund den, and aftur dat wis over, de Airish ( Shin Fane) had a leid called Airish Gaelic, and de Inglish had a leid called Inglish, and we Scots

So at dis time o' udder confoozun, sum clever gai decided hed start spawkin and writin in a Scots accent, and so Oolster Scots was barn!

Nooadays Oolster Scots is yoosed too batul against de eebil Airish leid, tayk dis conversation batween an Airish Catlick (nown in Oolster Scots as a fenian), a Proddy Scot an de Goovernment in Oolster:

  • Fenian: Can we have an Irish speaking colledge please?
  • Goovernment: Well, alrite...
  • Scoot: Ah no! We wan a Scoots spawkin calledg!
  • Gooverment: Ah its too costy, sorry.
  • Fenian: (A bit anoyed) Oh, well O.K, well can we have de road signs in English and Irish like down south please?
  • Gooverment: O.k then...
  • Scoot: Ah no way! We wan al de road sians in Oolster Scots too!
  • Gooverment: Too costy, sorry.

De battul against de Airish leid continyuus!


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