Serpentor

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Serpentor. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

A Bright Future?[edit]

Serpentor was born to a humble beginning in Autumn of the year 10,000 A.D., the child of a simple and impoverished family of shoe shiners. Despite having no legs due to a birth defect, thus using crude bundles of cornstalks in their place, he was by all accounts a happy child. Always aspiring to greatness, he dreamed of one day truly making a difference, and served as a beacon of inspiration to others.

A Victim of Destiny[edit]

Fate took an unexpected turn for a young Serpentor, however, and at the tender age of 16, he was sucked through an anomalous timewarp(caused by the final destruction of Lenny Kravitz) to the early 1960's while taking a bath. There, he roamed the streets naked and confused for several years, convinced that reality was a small brown mollusk. Labouring under this assumption, he founded Buddhism.

Rise and Fall of a Tyrant[edit]

But it was in his early twenties, most historians would agree, that Serpentor was finally and irreversably driven past the brink of insanity. It was during the infamous Vietnam II(which began as a promotion for stool-softener) that, maddened by a batch of kittens cut with bean starch, he forcibly seized control of an Orange Julius stand after formulating his vision of an ideal world, a world in which men proved their worth through deadly gladiatorial breakdancing and women had their vaginas replaced by steel cages filled with lasers(which had, by pure coincindence, been Thomas Edison's dying wish).

From his base of operations, the newly christened 'Orange Jurpentlius', Serpentor began an unprecedented campaign of terror and subjugation that would only end after fifty long years, when he was at last slain by Ultraman during a karate showdown that will forever be known as 'The Battle of Pearl Harbour'.

Sinister Legacy[edit]

Although survived by no one, Serpentor's DNA helped to make possible the resurrection of Santa Claus.