“My teeth are whiter than yours, bitch.”
“I WILL find you, and when I do, I will kill you.”
“Room for a quote from me?”
“Fuck you then.”
Seth Macfarlane (born October 26, 1973) is an American cartoonist, singer, writer, producer, voice actor, liberal emphasizing freak and director best known for creating the animated sitcoms Family Guy, Family Guy Lite and Family Guy Dark. Seth is famous for his bizarrely deep voice, fondness for hair gel, and his unique blend of humor, in which the use of jokes is eschewed in exchange for numerous cut-away gags. Like that time I locked Nicholas Cage in a cage!
Nicholas Cage (Voiced by Seth): Dude! Let me out of this friggin cage!
Peter: Nuh-uh! not until, you get your face off!
Nicholas Cage: What? That was just a movie! Bruckheimer wrote it and asked me to star in it!
Peter: Do it or so help me god, I WILL LEAVE YOU HERE FOREVER! MUAHAHAHAA!
Nicholas: Alright, alright.
[Nicholas pulls his face off, revealing John Travolta.]
John Travolta (Voiced by Seth): Hey, what's happenin', Peter?
MacFarlane, was born on October 26, 1973, in Kent, Connecticut He was the bastard child of Father Schell and a Vietnamese prostitute (see tiny eyes picture above). Shortly after birth, Father Schell placed Seth near the Housatonic river before it flooded, expecting death to ensue. However, several miles down Macfarlane was picked up by a wolf mother who had recently lost her cubs. MacFarlane was raised to maturity and learned everything he knew about comedy from the wolf mother. Seth began smoking cigarettes as a small child, so that his deep voice would disguise the fact that he was born without testicles. Like many illiterate anti-social children, Seth was drawn to cartooning, and when he was 8 years old he began illustrating his own cartoon strip: 'Relative Dude' which starred a middle aged, foolish New England man, and an intellectual dog. Due to a bizarre baking accident, this idea was literally burned into McFarlane's brain, and he was unable, or at least couldn't be bothered, to come up with another idea for the rest of his life. Like that time I did heroin with Short Round from Indiana Jones!
Peter: Ok it's my turn to shoot
Short Round (voiced by Seth): Hey! Hey! No Mistah Gwiffin, dis is my turn to shoot up! you big fat Liah!
Peter: Hey Tyake it easy little fellah
Short Round: No! No! Dis is bulls***!
Peter: Hey, don't you take that tone with me young man!
Short Round: Hey I f*** you up big time man
(Short Round leaves)
Opinions and Stances
Seth is an active supporter of MacFarlanism, which is the belief that God doesn't exist and if you believe otherwise you deserve to be crucified. According to the scriptures of MacFarlanism, the only person who should be worshiped is Seth MacFarlane since (as he claims) he is God of all that exists and all that will exist.
Seth also believes his "amazing talent to do anything" makes him incomparable to other human beings. Since he is almighty and everlasting he sees no point in "socializing with puny mortals." As he has stated on many occasions, "If I could have sex with myself, I would." This has led many to believe he doesn't like anybody if they aren't Seth MacFarlane.
His enormous dislike for conservatives, black people, poor people, middle-class people, upper-class people, anybody who isn't as rich as him, puppies, innocence, anybody who isn't him, babies, kittens, reality, Christians, mortals, and so on makes him the most hateful "all-powerful force" on the face of the planet.
His die-hard liberal beliefs make him the "ultimate democrat." This position of power gives him the authority to kill republicans or anybody with any kind of conservative beliefs by any means he wishes (though his favorite way of killing is by eating his victims alive). As an active supporter of Obama, he has set out to "remove" anybody who didn't vote for him. His opinions of Obama now are, as he states, "So what if he hasn't done anything he promised to do and the only things he has done play significant roles into the deconstruction of the United States? Like most other democrats, I hate America and I would suicide-bomb the living crap out of anyone who thinks differently! God damn capitalists, they deserve to die!"
Like most democrats in Hollywood, he preaches tolerance, open-mindedness, and acceptance; but when it comes to people who don't believe everything he does he shows absolute hatred towards them for being "insignificant imbeciles." When asked about the hypocrisy in his messages Seth angrily replied, "Fuck your mother!" he then stormed off and masturbated to pictures of himself in his dressing room. He hasn't been seen or heard from since.
After qualifying from the Rhode Island 'School' of Design, Seth went on to work for Cartoon Network, where he created a pilot episode for his very own cartoon: 'Paternal Man' which featured a middle aged, foolish New England man, and an intellectual dog. The show was considered too 'shit' for mainstream television and so Seth was forced to spend the next few years locked in a tiny hot room, drawing individual frames for the Johnny Bravo. Like that time he included that unnecessary big band 40's style song for no reason other than to show off.
Hey - look - it's - me, - Seth McFarley!
I've - got - a - brilliant - voice! - Yeah!
So, - you've - really - got - no - choice! Yeah!
But - to - admi-i-i-i-i-re!
My Brilliant' (Brilliant)
Bri-i-i-i-i-i--i-i-liant vooiiicee, YEAH!
Seth MacFarlane being the incredible voice actor/singer/writer/animator/
human being 'GOD that he is, has an enormous talent for creating TV shows. Below are just a few of the hundreds of shows ( all of which are completely original and very unique from one another ) Seth has begun working on, or has already created!
Seth left Cartoon Network after he discovered that infants were far too intelligent to enjoy his work. Fox however were very impressed by his cut-away dynamic. The show featured a middle aged, foolish New England man, and an intellectual dog. Seth threw in a bunch of other characters, like a talking baby, and said, "There ya, go Fox!" It was canceled twelve times before finally ending in 2003.
Two years later, Family Guy was brought back, and there was much rejoicing...until people witnesses the new episodes and believed the show had gone downhill. However, many fail to realize that Family Guy could've stopped being funny, because it never was funny. Rather, it was always a patchwork of cultural references appealing to frat boys who are indeed aware of the 1980s transpiring in some way.
That however didn't stop it from pulling in the ratings, making Seth billions, and paving the way for a Family Guy soundtrack, and multiple Family Guy movies, like that one where Peter discovers the lost city of Atlantis...
- Peter: So, this is Atlantis, huh?
- Brian: Yep, this is it!
- Peter: Are there any black people to rape?
- Brian: Peter, I... What?
- Peter: Look out! A monkey!
- A monkey jumps out of a tree and beats Brain with a stick
So far, there have been only three Family Guy movies, but there are more on the way. The first movie is about Stewie going into the future to learn that he's gay. The second movie was a carbon copy of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. The third film is a carbon copy of Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. MacFarlane plans on making a carbon copy of the sixth movie, all the Indiana Jones films, and a movie about abortion, but says that he simply doesn't have the time at the moment, considering he has to swim through piles of money ever day, like Scrooge McDuck. A theatrical Family Guy film is planned for sometime in the near future, which will be followed by Family Guy On Ice and will obviously be original and will have no form of plagiarism whatsoever. Seth is also planning to film a documentary on himself to showcase the tools whom work for him and help to stroke his over-inflated ego on a daily basis, and also to help to raise awareness on vocal yeast infections as he brushes his teeth with Vagisil ( up to 5 times per day ) due to all of the queefing that takes place inside of his mouth. One can only wait and hope that these new upcoming projects will contain his rarely used references to the 1980's.
After Family Guy was canceled, Fox realizing they made a huge mistake, called Seth up and offered him a buttload of money in exchange for a new show. Seth agreed and quickly
ripped off Family Guy created a brand new show based on his old one. However, at the same time Fox decided to renew Family Guy too. At this point Seth started focusing all his energy strictly on Family Guy, while leaving the show in the hands of a bunch of amateur fanfic writers. Eventually he stopped showing up for work at all, which strangely enough, lead to an increase in the overall quality of the show.
Seth went to FOX and said "I want another show". Because of the odd success of Family Guy and American Dad, FOX told him "As long as it's nothing new, or original". Then he told them "Don't worry. It'll be a carbon-copy of Family Guy - but with a bunch of black people." So then FOX execs commenced licking the inside of his rectum and greenlit him for four seasons.
The show features all the basic characters you'd expect from a Seth MacFarlane show.
- Fat dad? Check!
- Hot-ass yet boring mother character? Check!
- Two teenage children, one male, one female? Check!
- Talking Baby? Check!
- Talking animals? Check!
- Stereotype? Check, check, check!
Seth MacFarlane went to Fox one day and told them, "Hey, you douches, I heard that The Simpsons is still on. You'd better give me a new show or I'll bother you all day by doing my Robin Williams impression!" Fox agreed and greenlit another new show.
This one however is going to be completely different than his last three shows. This one will star a family, and pets (which will most likely talk), but instead of a dumb dad being the main character, it's going to be a dumb woman! The show is set to use the same animation style as Family Guy, as well as have a similar sense of humor to it which mean it will have no humor whatsoever.
The Winner was a live action comedy produced by Seth Mac-Brilliant-Farlane. Though, he didn't create it, he pretty much took credit for everything that went right with it (and shifted the blame to the show's creator and Family Guy writer, Ricky Blitt).
The show's premise was taken directly from the movie The Forty Year Old Virgin, except that it took place in 1994, so that the characters could make a bunch of '90s jokes, instead of '80s ones. The show suffered from negative reviews, with some reviewers stating the show was; "dreadful", "obnoxious", "less fun to watch than a cat being strangled." Seth MacFarlane responded to the negative reviews by claiming the "[Critics] are worse than Hitler! They're literally terrible human beings!"
Seth was later heard saying, "I think we might actually make it past six episodes!" (Un)Fortunately, the show was canceled only seconds after airing it's sixth episode.
Seth and Alex's Almost Funny Comedy Show
Seth MacFarlane sings, dances, talks in really annoying voices, and does everything he does every day of his normal life... except now it's on TV! Basically they filmed him when he wasn't watching and slapped together half an hour's worth of material. Also, there's a commercial for the new Sherlock Holmes movie in there somewhere.
Recently Seth has landed a starring role on the hit ABC series, Flash Forward, however, this isn't the first time Seth has landed a spot on a show he doesn't belong on, he's also been on:
- Star Trek: Enterprise, playing a character called Space Seth.
- MadTV, playing a character called Seth MacFarlane.
- Under the Gaydar: Life As A Closet Homosexual, playing himself
- The War at Home, playing a character called Seth Likes-Little-Girls MacFarlane.
- Hellboy II: The Golden Army, playing a character called Seth I'm-Doing-a-Voice MacFarlane.
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force, playing a character called, The Main Brain Seth MacFarlane.
- Futurama, playing Seth Singing MacFarlane.
- Plays the Joker in "The Dark Knight"
- Bones, playing Stewie.
- Every Fox and Cartoon Network show ever.
Seth MacFarlane's limitless talent isn't just for television though. Recenly, Seth, has created a series of web-animations to make sure that there's no one in the entire universe who doesn't know of his all glorious name.
Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy
Seth MacFarlane created 2 minute long cartoons for Burger King. These cartoons were actually just a bunch of rejected cutaways from Family Guy. Some of the most popular ones include, "Guy Stares at a TV Screen and Yells at the Characters", and "Ducks Complain About Movies They Don't Like". Within two days of launching his Youtube channel, entitled SethGodofComedy, it became the most visited webpage in the world.
Seth in his infinite wisdom decided that
he wasn't making enough money not everyone was getting to see his short cartoons, so he released them onto DVD. The DVD included 25 extra "episodes", which came to a total running time of 48 minutes! All for the low, low price of only $29.99! Upon it's release the DVD became the best selling DVD in the entire history of movies... or so says creator Seth MacFarlane.
Recently the series began its second "season", which Seth plans to release on DVD after he has three episodes made. The initial asking price will likely be $19.99, which Seth MacFarlane says is, "Probably a bit too cheap", which he most likely believes due to his expensive habit that involves 12 year old Philippino boys, Dyson vacuum cleaners, and adult nutria rats, along with vast amounts of ketamine and Viagra.
Up Late With Stewie and Brian
Stewie has his own talk show, and guess who's coming! That's right, it's that guy no-one knows from that Seth MacFarlane show that bombed worse than Hiroshima (Oh, come on, you just know that's a joke Seth would make)! The show lasted only one episode, and was made using Flash animation, which is ironic considering Seth's view on Flash in general. Like that time I tried to get Avril Lavigne to explain her lyrics to me.
Avril Lavigne (voiced by Seth): He was a boy, she was a girl, can I get any more obvious?
Peter: Umm, yeah, actually I think you could.
Peter: Still not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
Avril Lavigne: He wanted to bone her . . . she wanted to bang him?
Peter: Oh. I think I get what you're saying there.
Avril Lavigne: He was a punk, she did ballet, what more can I say?
Peter: See, I think you could say a lot more. You lost me again.
Avril Lavigne: Seriously?
Peter: Yeah. These lyrics are pretty vague.
Avril Lavigne: F*** you!
MacFarlane - not satisfied with owning the Fox Network, and animation in general - decided it was time for him to start a film career. Currently Seth says he wants to, "Act, write, direct, and roll around in piles of money [he] make[s] from the movie[s]!", all of which will be very difficult for him to accomplish due to his inability to act, write, direct, posses originality, etc.
Seth MacFarlane's first film is a $65 million production, about a man, and his talking teddy bear! The movie is going to be "hard R", and is being produced by Universal Studios, because let's face it... even Fox wasn't stupid enough to spend sixty five million dollars on Chipmunks for Grownups.
Seth will be writing, directing, and to no one's surprise... starring in it. Seth will be playing Ted, the talking teddy bear, who will be brought to life using CGI technology... yeah. According to Seth, there has never, ever, been anything like it.
Seth already has plans for a sequel, simply entitled: Ted 2: I Can't Bearlieve It's The Sequel!.
Recently MacFarlane revealed he was coming out with his own book called "I am God. A Bible for Atheists, by a Democratic Atheist Who Commands Everyone to Think Exactly as he Does (That's Me, Seth MacFarlane) A book about Seth MacFarlane, By Seth MacFarlane, Written by Seth MacFarlane."
MacFarlane said in a recent interview "You know I really just wanna show that I'm better than you, because I'm a Democrat Atheist and everybody who isn't rich is a lazy fuck! Do you know how hard it was for me to rip off The Simpsons and get away with it?"
MacFarlane compared the genius of this book to "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Catcher on the Rye, A Clockwork Orange, 1984, Atlas Shrugged, The Great Gatsby, The Grapes of Wrath, Jane Eyre, In Cold Blood, Gone With the Wind, To Kill a Mockingbird, In Search of Lost Time, It, The Giver, L.A. Confidential, Anna Karenina, Madame Bovary, War and Peace, Middlemarch, Red Badge of Courage, Frankenstein, Pride and Prejudice, The Lord of the Rings, Crime and Punishment, Remembrance of Kings Past, Schindler's List, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Inferno, Oliver Twist, The Road, A Life of Pi, Farewell to Arms, Heart of Darkness, Watership Down, Moby Dick, East of Eden, A Tale of Two Cities, Les Miserables, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Johnny Got His Gun, The Stand, The Silence of the Lambs, The Monk, Under the Dome, Great Expectations, Fight Club, Pale Fire, The Shining, The Three Musketeers, Dracula, Little Women, The Stand, The Cthulhu Mythos, The Bell Jar, Animal Farm, Fahrenheit 451, The Green Mile, The Raven, A Hundred Years of Solitude, Slaughterhouse-Five, Of Mice and Men, The Scarlet Letter, American Psycho, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Stranger, and For Whom the Bell Tolls all on steroids and combined."
He also stated that, "Anybody who doesn't read it will be killed once I become leader of the World. And yes, my political policy will be Tyrannism, with a little Fascism thrown in there." Of course, this comment has made the reason for his love of President Obama clear and easy to unerstand.
Revenge of the Seths
n a desperate attempt to elevate the ratings of several franchises written by guys named Seth as well as actors with the same first name, Seth MacFarlane got into a long drawn out conflict with several other Seths, most particularly Seth Green. Signs of this can be seen in Family Guy, with repeated sniping and sarcasm directed against Seth Green and Robot Chicken from Seth MacFarlane. Seth Green insists this is because, like his Family Guy character Chris Griffin, Green is hung like a gigantic kosher sausage and MacFarlane is insanely jealous of this. Obviously, Seth Rogen, Seth Meyers, and Seth Brundle will get involved in this conflict before long, but no one quite knows when. It is rumoured that the winner of this conflict will become the Dark Lord of the Seths and be entitled to tribute from all other Seths.