Seven (number)

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The number "seven" was, in ancient times, a demon-God, to whom ancient people, mainly the Garfish tribe of half-fish people, would offer up human blood-sacrifices. Seven's power waxed and waned with the moon. When at full strength, he would descend to Earth to feast upon the food of the living, and to play video games as much as possible. Today, there are still cults who burn dentists alive as offerings to seven, and his satanic image is regarded as "an absolute necessity" in many modern daay cultures. Priests of seven were adept in dark magic, having legendary skills with Nitrogen and dynomite. They were so powerful that they terrified the nearby peacful civilization of Vampires into near extinction, from which they have recovered.

Becoming a Priest of Seven[edit]

To become a priest of this most fearsome of demon gods, consult with as many "frats" as possible. One of them is sure to contain a follower of Seven, who is doubtlessly attempting to harness the god's power. With luck, you will be taken on as an apprentice to learn the dark art of using explosive ninja throwing stars, and sneezing with enormous force. Only one capable of drinking seven gallons or beer is eligible to begin an apprenticship (they must also file thirteen CT-35 forms and submit them to the satanic fax machine in the most holy temple of Lord Seven, (located in Norway).

Servants of The Most Exalted Lord Seven[edit]

The Lord Seven has creatures of all descriptions in His service. Other than humans, he has Vampiric Fish-People, demons, undead, Marshan warriors, animate statues, and a secret underground civilization of Spider-folk (to give but a few examples). No creature of Lord Seven may be defeated without a sacred rock of Lord Eight. The creatures of Lord Seven are infinite in number.

The Temples of Lord Seven[edit]

Lord Seven has temples all across the earth, but there is a high concentration of them in Mexico, Norway, and the center of the earth. Each temple consists of a pyramid with a spike at the top, upon which saacrifices may be impaled. the blood then runs down the side of the pyramid and turns a "blood wheel," which in turn powers a Satanic fax machine, that sends messages to Lord Seven in his dark and fearsome abode.