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You have just been assaulted by a Sexassin.
Artists representation of a Sexassin.

“WOW! Is it awesome to be a sexassin or what?”

~ Oscar Wilde on being a Sexassin

“Sexassins are not real”

~ Non-believer on believing that Sexassins are not real


~ Sexassin victim on the above quote

“Hurry up, before I go flacid.”

~ Random victim to Sexassin

A Sexassin is a person who can have sex with you without you ever knowing that the act had taken place. Frequently dressed all in black, the trained Sexassin must master many skills before they are allowed to practice their art. Little is known of the group, except what can be gleamed from the 13th Century manuscript The Way of the Clenched Fist.


A major part of the Sexassin's training involves the ancient Mammary Art of Ninjugsu. Traditionally the novice Sexassin would spend many years in the jutting peaks of Titmandu, under the watchful eye of Sexassin GrandMasters. There they would learn the secret techniques such as the One Handed Bra Removal. Once the many trials were complete the novice would make their way down to the hidden valley beneath the semi-mythical Mount Pubis to receive the final part of their training. What goes on there remains a mystery although numerous scholars have put forward several speculative theories.

Cult Following[edit]

Many believe that the Sexassins are the followers of an ancient cult which stems from a group of monks who sort to fight the corruption of the FreeSexMasons. The FreeSexMasons have employed multiple attacks on the Sexassins such as taking their children, (after which they made more) raping sexassins, and even violently taking their life. This ongoing battle has managed to put the more widely known Pirate-Ninja Wars into the context of a minor skirmish in comparison. The sexassin is based purely off of sex, and masterbation is rather close to sex, since Jizz is produced in the process of both. Therefore, the other religion they follow is said to be called Jizzlam. Of course, most Sexassins are novices, and are not subject to the ability to test their skills, they have to do something or their testicles will become so engulfed with semen, they won't be able to walk.

See also[edit]