Shadow the Hedgehog

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Shadow the Hedgehog doing what he does.

“Always look both ways before lighting up a blunt.”

Shadow the Hedgehog is Sonic's criminally inclined double. Except he's black with red stripes, has a small squirrel attached to his chest, uses guns and drives a motorcycle. Some think he is a clone. Some think he is a robot. Some hate him. Some love him. But on average, everybody agrees that black and red is the universally established warpaint of He Who Is Not To Be Fucked With.

This year alone he has cost Sega $5.98 million in property damages.

Sonic the Hedgehog[edit]

Shadow the Hedgehog is often considered to be the main rival of Sonic the Hedgehog. They sometimes get along, but usually they don't. This could be related to their speed, and the way Sega refuses to fork up bail for Shadow any longer.

Many fans believe Sonic and Shadow are deeply in love. This could have to do with the fact that whenever Sonic is arrested on property damage, theft or drugs-related charges - which happens more often than you may think - they spend considerable time as cellmates. They apparently alternate between trying to kill each other and trying to rape each other. Whenever Sega refuses to fork up bail for both of them they work together in order to escape from prison.

Sonic doesn't seem that concerned as to how he's spending an awful lot of time hanging around with a convicted sex offender.

Amy Rose Blossom[edit]

Amy Rose first met Shadow on Prison Island, and is the only person to have successfully sexually molested him multiple times before he has managed to molest her. Even now she often confuses Shadow for Sonic. She needs to get her eyes checked. Their next encounter was on the Ark, where she once again molested him. Ever since then, Shadow has vowed to rape her whether she likes it or not.

And you can see why.


Also known as Rouge the Bat. She is one of the few women Shadow has not raped. This is not because Shadow posesses any kind of respect for women, but because she posesses absolutely no respect for herself. She likes having sex with him far too much for him to be able to rape her.

Rouge has repeatedly come up with Shadow's bail-money and as a result, Shadow spends a lot of time at her nightclub, Club Rouge, hiding out from the cops and presumably failing to rape her, although nobody has the slightest doubt that he's still trying.

“I keep forking up bail, and he keeps staying the night. Now who's the whore?”

~ Chunkie


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Shadow the Hedgehog.

Shadow has threatened to rape Silver on multiple occasions. Silver really should try to take this less personally.

Some people think Silver is Shadow's son from the future. Some think he isn't. Everybody else doesn't care. This could be related to how Silver is currently the defendant in 287 sexual harrassment lawsuits, curiously, all with men.