Shank

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So, you're in prison, you're new round here. You've committed quite a minor offence? Or was it child rape? Or raping a baby goat?


Oh no, of course, you insist upon your innocence.


Whatever way you look at it; you've ended up in prison, you have nothing to bargain with, and you've got no connections in prison to help protect you...


So what what do you do?

That's right you fashion a shank!

But what's a shank?[edit]

A shank, my friend, is an improvised weapon, usually made in prison, out of whatever you can get your hands on, in order to defend yourself. In many situations a shank can save your ass, literally.

Don't mix up with a shark because thats a whole diffrent kind of wepon that require's much more skill to use.

Nigger version _______________________________________________________________________________________________

It is also when Niggers pull their blade (they always carry one) and Shanks you.

They always do it.

Do I really need one?[edit]

Oh my God yes! Here are a few situations when you might need one...

The shower scene[edit]

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Did you know…
If there is a gang of murderers, rapists, and mp3 pirates trying to rape you, it may be best not to pull your shank...

A shank may save you from being raped in the ass by a big hairy murderer/rapist/mp3 pirate. Typically, one will drop a soap in the showers and tell you 'Pick that up!' possibly adding 'BITCH!' for dramatic or rhetoric effect. at this point one of three things could happen:

  1. You bend over to get the soap... RESULT: You get bummed
  2. You turn to your prospective rapist and tell him "Make me" RESULT: You get beaten up, and then bummed
  3. You turn to your prospective rapist and tell him "Make me", but then before he can attack pull your shank out RESULT:You get earmarked as a dangerous person and are put in solitary confinement. Followed by transfer to high security, with all the real dangerous people. BUT you don't get raped... probably


And which one would you rather happened?

Drug dealers[edit]

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Did you know…
it is a bad idea to get addicted to heroine anywhere, especially in prison

In prison drug dealers will get their gang to hold you down and inject you with heroine to get you addicted and therefore a vassal of the dealer, giving the dealer power over you to be in his gang and do his bidding.


That's right, pull the shank! As soon as any of the heroine addicted gang try to capture you fight back. Try to keep them in each others way, with one in between you and the others (this is especially important). Fighting off these addicts could prove either incredibly easy or incredibly hard:

  • If they have been deprived they will be desperate and bite you
  • If they are coming down they will have a headache and will have a body like a sack of flower
  • If they are high then they will feel no pain. But will not be able to see, hear, or feel properly.
Tip

There is no point in slashing at a heroine addicts arms... they cannot feel anything and their arms will not bleed


Niggers[edit]

Niggers don't have shanks, they have blades that SHANK YOU.


With your shank, TRY to take them out. When you go in for one, pull back, before they SHANK YOU.

You may become successful, but with Niggers, it a hard match.

Just keep your distance, and you'll be good.

OK I need one... how can I make one?[edit]

Try these

  • A garlic crusher full of toothpicks
  • A sharpened plastic spoon
  • A salad tosser
  • Any of these
  • A really pointy toothbrush
  • A knitting needle
  • A REALLY rough scouring pad


NOW GET TO IT BEFORE YOU GET RAPED