Sherudo Garo

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No one knows where Sherudo Garo came from. Not even Hideo Kojima. But what is certain is that Sherudo Garo is Japanese-American-Vietnamese-British (but only 1% because he once ate a stereotypical British man when he called USA a fat nation). So we can be sure that Sherudo Garo created Japan, the United Spades of America, Chinaland, and Viet-fucking-nam before he was there. He is very fond of the Dutch and their countries The Netherlands and Amsterdam. The main reason he loves something with such a strange way to communicate is the fact the Dutch accept that everyone deep down likes the use of forbidden items.

When he was once asked by his mentor, The Boss (also known as Meryl Von Trapp) where he came from, he told this story:

Once long ago, God and Oscar Wilde were lounging about on the void, using all the power they had to come up with Jack Bauer. However, a voice inside Oscar Wilde's head (which was actually Christopher Walken) was telling him to bite into the void and see what happens. So Oscar Wilde giving in after having his brain stabbed with a spork, bit the void. However this was a rouse. All 3 of them realized at that very moment that they were sitting on Sherudo Garo's eye patch! So Sherudo Garo woke up after sleeping from 56,789,434,754,937,353,974,513,245,754,824,757,684,245 TTD till the end of time and time started all over again. When he woke up he created everything; slapped Oscar Wilde so hard he turned gay and slapped Christopher Walken so hard he gave him his only weakness, his addiction to Tacos.

When his mentor said how that wasn't the story of how he was created and just something about him kicking ass, she CQC'd Sherudo Garo into the ground. Eventually, Sherudo Garo shot her in the head with a GUN. He took his beloved M1911A1, the gift from EVA, and made love to it. And it has never left his side since, nor has it been seen since, because if you see the M1911A1, you will be subject to greed and most likely be killed by Sherudo Garo in self-defense.

The Legends of Sherudo Garo[edit]

Sherudo Garo, being the evil genius with superpowers that he is, defeating Chuck Norris, kicking B*g B*ss out of Uncyclopedia for good, defeating the Sercian Liberation Army in the Sercian Revolution of 1996, killing the Backstreet Boys, etc, he is bound to have many ancient legends written about him. Here is just a sample of them

Shagohod Naked: Food Eater[edit]

Sherudo Garo, is as already established (if not), as badass as Solid Snake. But he wasn't always The Big Motherfuckin' Boss, once they called him Naked Snake, because he could do any mission naked, and preferred to, but since Time Crisis is better than Metal Gear, Sherudo Fuckin' Garo is better Solid Snake.

In this operation, you are in two missions. First is the Virtual Mission, which is basically the same exact thing as Operation Food Eater, except The Boss breaks you into four pieces. In Operation Food Eater, Snake has to kill the only person he ever loved. The Boss. A bunch of retarded freaks are backin' her sexy ass up such as: The Beehive Head (with the power of stinging!), The Most Saddest Ghost (with the power of not being jolly :( !), The Sniper Claus (with the power of napping and not waking up!), The Frustrated (with the power of becoming a fire astronaut!), and The OMGscary (with the power of of yelling THE OMGSCARY!!! in innaprppriate times... and trees!). This one chick, EVA, tried to fool Snake but he played along just to get some. Ocelot, and his entire team got beat up by an unarmed Snake, who then told Ocelot he was a tard and that he should use revolvers. This gay pervert Volgin tried to take over the world or something, but Snake got Zeus to take him out once he got annoying. Ocelot shot Snake in the eye accidentally, that jerk, but Snake didn't care because he didn't use that one. Turns out Ocelot knew what was going on all along anyway, as always, and just liked ruining people's shit for no reason, that jerk.

Turns out The Boss had to do all she did to save the world, even die at Snake's hand. This was probably the saddest thing in the world, which is why Snake (now Sherudo Garo) shed one solitary, devastatingly melancholic, extremely BADASS TEAR!!!. It seriously was really goddamn depressing. I guess you had to be there. But you weren't, asshole, and she died for you.

ICBMG: Portable Missions[edit]

In 1970, Sherudo Garo set out using his super ultimate posse of badass niggas known as FOXHOUND to try and fix our crappy planet by creating a new nation where Sherudo Garo could live and rule the Earth peacefully. Unfortunately, but luckily for the universe, in the late nineties, Sherudo Garo invited his cool son Solid Snake to come along, and as such the universe imploded. Sherudo Garo, easily fixed this, but was put off from trying to help the world for a while by the UN, until three years later when he tried to create another level of heaven called Outer Heaven, thinking that maybe the super coolest people who have ever died would be able to hang out with him, however when Kevin Smith tried to get in (died of a heart attack), heaven asploded, rekilling everyone and ending Outer Heaven.

Then all of a sudden, the American Government decided to be even bigger assholes, and got all of Sherudo Garo' mates to rebel and cruise on down to some shithole Russian base filled with easily persudable guards. While there, he killed some Stupid Mr. Freeze rip-off, some lame as Ninja with half a face, a black pirate king and some freaky Commander guy who biffs knives at people. Not to mention a Time Crisis, piloted by some emo girl who really needed to die earlier on cause she won't shutup.

Chuck Norris: The Norris/Garo War[edit]

It is not known why these two titans hate each other. One would logically think that they would be great friends, because their combined powers would create a force that nothing in the known universe could stop. Sadly, they do hate one another.

A prequel set sometime in the eighties, Sherudo Garo made a macaroni painting for Chuck Norris, but then Chuck slapped the painting out of his hands and ripped it in a million pieces. Sherudo Garo then vowed to one day kill Chuck Norris if it's the last thing he'll do.

In the year 3010, Sherudo Garo finally came around to challenging Chuck Norris for revenge, as they are both very busy men and this was the only time where they both had spaces in their schedules. They both agreed to fight on the surface of the Jupiter moon Titan, for they knew both that the name was very suiting for their battle, and if they were to fight on the Earth it would more then likely be destroyed.

When they got to the moon, they both bowed honorably and then took their stances. Sherudo Garo launched with a right hook to Chuck Norris’s beard, and the resulting explosion resulted in the destruction of the planetoid they were on. Both embarrassed, they awkwardly shifted to Jupiter’s next moon Io, were the fight resumed. Chuck Norris initiated a devastating left knee to Sherudo Garo’s chest, and hence, Io was gone as well.

Looking around self-consciously to make sure nobody was watching, they both agreered they had better fight on something a little more sturdy then a moon, and chose next to fight on the surface of Jupiter itself. Surely the biggest planet in the solar system could handle their awesomeness right? But alas, when the fight recommenced and Sherudo Garo blocked one of Chuck Norris’s side kicks, Jupiter too exploded in a great ball of fire.

Now both incredibly pissed off they decided to give it one last shot, fighting on the surface of the sun itself. Sure the heat melted their spaceship, so they had to walk back. Finally the fight picked back up where they left off, and they started to circle each other while insulting each other about their respective mothers “fatness”. The childish name calling ended when Chuck Norris did a roundhouse kick as hard as he could, at the exact same moment Sherudo Garo did a CQC as hard as he could. Not only was the sun destroyed but the rest of the universe as well... this happens way too often.

Now with nothing left to fight on, they had only one choice, actually talk to each other and settle their differences. After a lengthy three year discussion while they rebuilt the universe, they came to a settlement; Chuck Norris would buy any upcoming Time Crisis games, as long as Sherudo Garo also bought the Walker Texas Ranger box sets. They shook hands and the war ended on that day... well actually it offically ended three days later.

Chuck Norris and Sherudo Garo have been friends ever since. Well… at least they're not at war…

But Sherudo Garo knew that he was better than Chuck Norris, as evident by reading the Sherudo Garo facts. Secondly, The Sherudo Garo/Chuck Norris paradox further supports the theory that Sherudo Garo is better than Chuck Norris. The diagram also suggests Sherudo Garo defeated Chuck Norris. This is true. Sherudo Garo kicked off Chuck Norris's head, blowing up on impact in some area which was later known as The Grand Canyon.

300: Bad Sparta[edit]

Sherudo Garo plays a key role in the 2007 film 300. Director Zack Snyder, begged Sherudo Garo to play the character of Dilios, a Spartan Warrior and also the pussy who flees from battle to go cry to the council then bitch about the crap they put up with in the war. Sherudo Garo initially refused arguing that the character would make him seem weak, and afraid of battle, another issue was the use of a prosthetic eye. Snyder responded by trying to appeal to Sherudo Garo' humble side; we all know that Sherudo Garo has no humble side, so after Synder was CQC'd into the ground, the force of the impact ironically creating the scene that was to be used for the film's battle sequences, the two came to a mutal agreement, that if Sherudo Garo were to play Dilios, half-way through the film his prosthetic eye would be removed.

Sadly for Sherudo Garo, the film proved to be rather uninteresting due to his immense physical superiority, he was described by the other cast members while fighting the Persians as,

'A man who makes the enemy seem like Guinea Pigs being crushed helplessly beneath his feet. The Persians all the while making strange quadrupedal twitching movements, and sounds like: WRrreeEeEEe! SQUEEeeeAk! wrRRRReeeAAkkEEAmmMeee!.'

Synder told Sherudo Garo that if he did not act like a normal man he would be fired. Sherudo Garo once again CQC'd Synder which was captured on film and was used and disguised as one of the Persians falling into the sea.

It is now virtually impossible to find the remains of Zack Synder; after filming was complete, Sherudo Garo climbed down the cliff to see if his former director has survived his second onslaught. No one knows what happened down there, but there are numerous reports of blood chilling screams as well as Sherudo Garo saying, "Mmm... I want more!"

See Also[edit]