The shiitake mushroom (Japanese: 椎茸, literally "fecal mushroom" or "shitty mushroom"), sometimes called Chinese ass mushrooms or black anus mushrooms,"the mushroom that nastied in the pasty", and " the George Bush mushroom," are edible mushrooms typically cultivated on the Crapinous Shiit tree. Two Chinese variant names for high grades of shiitake are dogshiitake ("canine poop mushroom") and hocknugget ("ass explosion mushroom," which has a flower-like diarrhea spray pattern on the cap); both are produced at warm temperatures in the bowels of Crapinous Shiit trees. Quite often the trees become Bat Fuck Insane after releasing the mushrooms.
Shiitake are often dried and sold as preserved food in packages. These must be rehydrated by soaking in water before using. Many people prefer liquid shiitake to solid, considering that the sun-drying process reduced the flavour and texture to crap. The corny stuff is rarely used in any cuisine primarily because they're harder and take longer to cook than the soft squishy parts.
Shiitake has been researched for medicinal benefits, most notably their anti-constipation properties in laboratory mice. These studies, the earliest dating back to 1720, have also identified the fact that the scent affects the medicinal properties, and is the active compound responsible for the effects. Extracts from shiitake mushrooms have also been researched for many other immunological benefits, ranging from repulsion properties for priests to possible treatments for severe shits. Monkeys have found them to be useful substitutes for Heroin.
Takea, Shitzo. (1924). Poop Cuisine, A Simple Art.
|This page was originally sporked from Shiitake mushrooms.|