Shining Force

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“Bum-ba dum, dum, DA, dum, dum, dum, DA, dum, dum, dum, DA, dum dum, dumdaa...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Shining Force

Shining Force is a television show, the broadcasting of which occurs at a slightly less-than-FCC friendly frequency of 534 Mhz, at a fairly obscure time of 4:10 AM EST.

The television show is animated by way of drawings procured by a man with a pencil and paper (lots of it) and a camera. Some theorize this paper to be of a grid-like nature (such as graph paper used by Algebra students), as the show's artwork, imagery, and animation style seems to suggest its composition to be comprised of small square-like units cleverly arranged to form larger pictures.

Miscellaneous Theory and the Disproving Thereof[edit]


On a less relevant note, some technological zealots theorize the TV show to have been fabricated by way of a digital computer; that someone was actually able to enter a set of instructions into a computer designating a colored bit matrix, and that for animations the computer was made to load and replace theorized “sprite” images onto the rendered display (some even go so far as to propose that the program was even of an interactive nature, which is exponentially more preposterous).

All reputable analysts of animation and graphics, however, unanimously concede that an endeavor such as this would have been technologically impossible (requiring a processor word size of at least sixteen bits, untold kilabytes of random access memory, and a cycle speed ranging in the low megahertz.) There simply are not enough vacuum tubes to accomplish this.


The storyline of the television show revolves loosely around a little girl born with a tragic earlobe deformity who is reading some antiquated book in her abusive father's (poorly lit) attic.

Finding the aforesaid volume to be her only escape from reality the girl addresses an alleged second person entity (supposedly assumed by the watching audience) and divulges with naive glee the wonderful worlds contained within her book. The duration of the ensuing serial is then a series of hallucinations which the girl experiences as she reads.


Here's a picture of the big-eared girl's father.
  • Max (AKA young and inexperienced young person soon to come of age at the coincidential simultaneity of the call to a grandiose quest entailing monsters and swords and exoticism and things of that nature. See also: Luke Skywalker, Eragon, Matthias, etc.) Max is a young and inexperienced young person soon to come of age at the coincidential simultaneity of the call to a grandiose quest entailing monsters and swords and exoticism and things of that nature. See also: redundancy
  • Centaurs are beings in the Shining Force universe with the upper torsos of men and lower bodies of horses. Contrary to popular belief these creatures do not use proper nouns to address themselves, and they can impale people with lances.
  • Bird men are beings in the Shining Force universe who have a knack for defying the laws of spacial constraints and entering planes of existence where mortal presence was not intended (such as over chasms or through apparently solid objects). They also look like birds.
  • Wolf men are feral killers. They kick lots of butt and are often left in bitter disappointment when arranged into any sort of alphabetical configuration (who the heck would name their kid “Zylo”, anyway?)
  • Ninjas are better than pirates.
  • Obscure anthropomorphic snouted things things like mice with magic powers, robe-clad female dog things that can set you aflame just by looking at you, and mecha-armadillos (the last of these are also known to start riots in certain parts of Alabama).


Several sequels were made for Shining Force. These are as listed:

Birdmen and their various exploits.
  • Shining Force 2 More of the same, but with the incrementation of 2. Because 2 is better than 1. Duh.
  • Shining Force CD A Shining Force adventure released as an audio serial for your CD listening enjoyment. The sound quality was comparable to that of a late nineteenth century vinyl record.
  • Shining Force 3 A Shining Force program made with stop motion models and sets. Similar to the aforesaid theory regarding Shining Force 1 being a computer program, there is an alarming conspiracy theory circulating that Shining Force 3 is actually rendered by way of three-dimensional graphics algorithms on a digital computer. Refutation has ensued.

See also[edit]

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