Shitbear

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Shitbear.
Shitbear while in Nazi captivity.



Shitbear (pronounced 'sheet-bar' or 'Scheißen Sie Bär' in German), born in Germany later migrated to the United States to terrorize South-West Missouri (mainly the Marionville area).


Little is known to the experts about Shitbear, mainly because none have seen him and lived. They do know, however, that he creates the most Horrible Noise Known To Man and is in the process of creating his own fansite.



History[edit]

Shitbear escaping Nazi captivity.

In the early years of Shitbear's life, he was a young cub in the Hitler-Bears group in Germany. He was in training when he fell into a pile of shit and was ridiculed by all those around him which caused him to become very disgruntled. After being placed in Nazi captivity for attacking a higher ranking officer on a unicycle, he made it his mission to escape. Using nothing but a hair brush, k-y gel, and the beard of an old man, he broke free of his Nazi bonds. He then left his homeland to move into the outskirts of Marionville, Missouri (A small hick-town with little more than a good football team and marching band). He now lives out his years feeding on small children, members of the marching band, and shit.


Receint Events[edit]

Earlier this year, during the annual Marching Band Swim Party, a helicopter was attempting to transport Shitbear to a more remote region. Shitbear, being the beast that he is, didn't take to kindly to this. To make matters worse, he caught the scent of marching band members at their annual swim party. He managed to chew through the chains that were holding him and dropped into the Monett swimming pool (where the swim party was being held). There were 3 deaths, including a saxophone player... There was much rejoicing.

Sightings of Shitbear have been rare receintly as he was attempting to go into hibernation, however, he was unable to do so due to his own disgusting smell. He gave up on hibernation and decided to continue to terrorize small towns throughout the winter.