Siegul

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It just looks like an ordinary bird. But the black marking on it's body tells a different tale...

A Siegul is a breed of German bird, most likely found by the coast of one of the many German Seas. Sieguls are widely known for a few distinctive features on their German bodies for example, the large black swastika on their otherwise white bodies, placed in the middle of their necks. Hitler used these abnormal birds as bomber planes in WWII as their faeces makes a wonderous A-bomb Whilst usual "seagulls" make a horrendously annoying "k'kaw" noise, sieguls instead make a noise which sounds oddly like "heil" IF you happen to be walking on a german beach, as the beaches are lovely, I highly recommend you bring an umbrella, incase of atomic attack Unless of course you have blond hair and blue eyes or a small rectangular black mustache, one or the other will do. The Siegul was used to make "German feather sausages" which were created when food was scarce in Germany, 1859, because all the inefficient animals were slaughtered to create a new breed of super-animal. This sausage is light, fluffy and wont fill you up.

The famous man himself, Hitler, was known for owning a small, infant Siegul named strangely after a man whom he went on to strongly dislike. The young Siegul named Winston, shortly perished after Hitler purchased him from a German pet store, Vanbockwurtsen. Many theories as to how Hitler's young Siegul died have been launched, and some people presume Hitler may have accidentally poisoned it (thus scaring the man, forcing him to one day poison his dog, his wife, and even himself). After Hitler's little Siegul died, Winston Churchill came to power, and many think hearing the name of his former pet may have driven Hitler to insanity. So how can one little Siegul cause so much trouble? Well we need to take a closer look at the true nature of the beast...

A perfect example of over breeding on behalf of the siegul

Breeding Sieguls[edit]

If you were to wish to breed sieguls, and who wouldn't? It's like owning a small, fluffy weapon of mass destruction, you would first have to capture a male and female seigul. These can be told apart by their genital organs, however the males have but one testicle, in tribute to their Fuhrer.

Then, simply leave the sieguls in a candle lit room, scattered with rose petals, and let nature take it's course. After 24-48 hours, judging on how many baby sieguls you want, leave the female in the room, to lay her eggs, and let the male go. After the eggs have been laid, get a light bulb to incubate the eggs and use their mother to make German Feather Sausages, and feed the chicks on these when they are hatched.

When breeding Sieguls, one has to be careful, for even at a very young age the birds can develop physical attachments to one another. Sieguls are born with the vital organs needed for breeding, and the babys often end up breeding with one another. If left to there own devices, the Sieguls could breed so much that the world would be sent into Global Panic as George W. Bush would try and harbour them all into his own army of nuclear weapons, as he is greedy like that. 90% of all Sieguls are killed straight after birth to avoid this.

Killing Sieguls[edit]

There is but one way to be rid of a Siegul, and that is putting it with/near the large Heil fish, which normally gobbles up the bird in seconds of coming within a 50 metre radius. Otherwise, the Siegul cannot be killed, not even by shooting it. A large tank of Heil fish is kept close to all Siegul breeding points for the mass killing of 90% of the newborn.

WARNING

The dangers of a Siegul[edit]

There are several dangers with Sieguls, the following just being a few...

  • Touching their bodies, living or dead, causes radiation sickness and you die.
  • If you see one die, you implode from the waste up.
  • If they die in mid flight, Sieguls fall at an alarming rate. Being hit by one is almost as bad as being hit by a bullet
  • Eating a Siegul will cause your stomach to leap right out of your body. You can survive like this for some time, and if you swallow your stomach again, you will be fine. The only problem is as soon as you bend over to pick it up, your spine breaks, as there is nothing to support it, and you die a slow agonising death lying beside your stomach. This is known as innocent hobos have been known to mistake dead Sieguls for Seagulls, and tried to feast happily upon a seagull sandwich.

“I pity the fool that see's a Siegul die.”

~ Mr T

Sieguls and Seagulls[edit]

Although the names may seem similar, these two creatures are entirely different altogether. No Seagull that has come into contact with a Siegul has lived, and no Siegul that has come into contact with a Seagull has lived. (See Paradox) It is thought that there may in fact by some political tension between the two creatures, but this theory is yet to be proven. There have been several famous clashes between Sieguls and Seagulls, probably the two most famous being when a young Seagull formally known as Seagy and an old Siegul named Siegly met one another. The result of the match was unknown due to the above paradox.

Can you spot the Sieguls in the Seagulls? No. That's how dangerous they are.

Fighting it out[edit]

Most Seagulls meet at least one Siegul a life time. Although the two are generally born very far away from each other, each Siegul can live up to 30 years. Some say there is some kind of attraction between the two birds, drawing the two ever nearer, until the two meet. How the two actually fight, is unknown, and where the two fight is also an unknown piece of information. Top Siegul Researchers around the world have been searching for years to find the answers to their many questions. A lot is known about these birds, but so much more is unknown...

Strange Facts About Sieguls and How Their Behaviour Differs To That Of A Seagull[edit]

  • Sieguls will never attack unless provoked. Of course breathing too loudly, looking at the Siegul or even sniffing are all included under the "Being Provoked" ideas of Sieguls. When being attacked by a Siegul, I highly suggest covering your teeth, so the police can identify you by your dental records.
  • Sieguls are most likely to attack you if your name starts with a letter of the alphabet other than 'x' as in records of Siegul attacks, not one person has a name beginning with 'x'.
  • Sieguls are highly opposed to Lederhosen, and take it as a great offence if they see a man/woman wearing them.