Simba

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For the American actor, see Matthew Broderick.


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Simba's signature roar.

Simba, better known by his stage names OG Simba Loc, DJ Simby-Simb, and Lionilla Ice, is a highly successful rapper. He is best known for his first album The Lion King and the many female lions in his pride that he has slept with. He is the son of King Mufasa and Queen Salami, and the nephew of Scar. His name is Siamese for Spongebob. Like all rappers, he owns a cadillac which he named Pumbaa and has a protege called T-Pimp.

Role in The Lion King[edit]

In The Beginning[edit]

In the opening sequence of The Lion King, Simba is the newborn inflatable sex-doll of King Mufasa and Queen Salami bolami alanmbi Mcombie. After being anointed he is held up by the wise ape crazy Rafucki atop Pride Rock for all the animals in the Pride Lands to see and salivate. The animals bow in reverence to the future Gangster who in a few years time will have no qualms about chomping them up like sheep cheeseburgers. But that’s ok since when he dies his body will turn to ass. Sure, when they eat him they won't actually tear up and disembowel his face, but its all ok since we all have our place in the great triangle of life. Oh, and should you stray from it, the penalty shall be corn beef hash! Anyway, Simba grows up into a lively and rambunctious, if occasionally arrogant, young club sandwich who believes that being a pimp is all about doing what he wants all day and going wherever he pleases. It is also worth noting that this film's definition of childhood naughtiness includes nearly head butting your own father and leaving an innocent, albeit extremely irritating bird for the dead under the ass of a 5 ton rhino.

Scar's Scheming Plot[edit]

Simba's uncle, clearly a parody of Martin Luther King.

Taking advantage of the cub's naive nature (and monumental ego) Simba's scheming uncle Scar (who is very angry because Simba's underground hit man job means that he's no longer next in line to the throne) tells him about the elephant graveyard. Although Scar tells Simba not to go there, he knows that the young spicy sub will do so out of curiosity (or just possibly because the kid's in love with himself and plastic). Not only does Simba go, but he also brings along his best friend Nala which is also said that they were to be tripped out by Zazu who accompanied them. Simba and Nala then plot to get rid of Zazu, which was accomplished throughout the musical "Can't Wait To Be King." A massive rhino squashes Zazu and the two brats just stride of laughing their asses away while Zazu is rushed to hospital. When they reach the graveyard they are chased by the three spotted pig-shits; Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed, who are actually Scar's minions. Mufasa comes to the rescue of the two cubs after being informed of their plight by Zazu.

Simba and His Dad[edit]

Mufasa tells Zazu to take Nala home while he speaks to his son. Zazu tells Simba to be careful (Which is actually code for "I'm going to knock-up Nala while your dad kicks your ass!") Mufasa is upset with Simba, but resolves to not scold his son, and instead reveals that he was very badly schooled and didn't learn shit in science class. Also, Simba sees after putting his paw in his father's paw print (when he was walking to Mufasa in shame) learning that he had rather large shoes to fill. Later, Scar tricks Simba into waiting in a gorge, saying that Simba's father has a "marvellous surprise" waiting. There, Scar commands Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed to start a chunky wildebeest stampede into the gorge where Simba is. Mufasa saves Simba from the stampede, but cannot save himself from Scar. Mufasa falls down off a cliff, and asks Scar to help him, but he pushes Mufasa down where the raging barbeque grill is, and is killed.

Scar's Plot in Progress[edit]

Simba is tricked by Scar into thinking that he was responsible for his own father's death, and that he should run away. Emotionally shattered, Simba does so, but Scar sends his hyenas after Simba in an attempt to kill him. Simba escapes into a patch of thorns and wanders off into the dessert. The hyenas do not follow him, deciding that he's as good as dead out in the desert, and just before they leave, they warn him that if he ever returns, they'll kill him. They were very nearly correct as Simba finally collapses from heat exhaustion. Vultures circle and gather around Simba, but Timon, a Meercat, (rat) and Pumbaa, a boar (pig) scare them off. Timon and Pumbaa rescue Simba and take him to their jungle home. Intrigued by the idea of a major predator protecting them, the desperate pair introduces the kitten to a diet of insects, which Simba finds to be agreeable fare. Timon and Pumbaa, being the gays they are, also spend some time with Simba (if you know what I mean). Surprisingly, however, Simba loved it. Simba then grows into an adult lion while living in the jungle with his inflatable sex-dolls. How he managed to do this eating bugs is beyond science. He lives the Hakuna Matata ("No worries, no problems!") lifestyle for about 35 years, but his profound self-recrimination is never far from the surface.

Then What Happened?[edit]

"Oh you crazy bitch!!!"

The turning point begins when his childhood friend Nala appears, now a fierce young lioness who is trying to eat Timon and Pumbaa. It would have been a good idea anyways, but Simba then jumps to the rescue. Then the childhood friends reconnect and quickly engage in foreplay leading to hot Crazy Asian Hentai Sex. Nala then tells Simba about the devastation Scar's tyranny has made the hyenas able to rape the lionesses and Zazu is getting the same from the only female hyena. Basically, Scar has wrought upon the Pride Lands, and Nala is trying to convince him to return to the Pride Lands, as he is the rightful king. Simba, still deeply guilt ridden by his father's death, refuses either to help her or explain his reasons. He runs off into the grasslands to end their fight, leaving Nala upset and angry. Simba later sees his father’s ghost who tells him he must take his place in the square of life. When Simba still refused, Mufasa then tells Simba His Mother is being raped by Scar. That was enough to convince him. Once Simba returns, he finds the Pridelands dead and destroyed.

The Showdown[edit]

All of a sudden, Rafiki runs in. He is screaming and holding a machine gun. Simba looks shocked and jumps off scar. "What the fuck Rafiki?!" he cries. Then Mufasa leaps over Rafiki's head. "Dad!" yells Simba. "What the fuck mate, you said we'd always be pals! And then you died!" Mufasa is angry. "Dude, I know, and I've come back as a ghost to hit this bitch on the head!" Mufasa yells. He grabs Rafiki's machine gun and blows Scar's brains out. He throws Simba a pair of aviators and like 50 grenades. Mufasa and Simba run around Pride Rock, killing more stuff and blowing up shit. Simba chucks his last grenade in a cave, and Pride Rock blows into at least 600 billion pieces and shatters all over the pridelands. "Fuck yeah!" Yells Simba as he and Mufasa run like hell, leaving the flaming ball of explosion behind them. "Love you bro." Smiles Mufasa, then he pisses off back to heaven, leaving Simba, Timon, Pumbaa, and the inflatable sex-doll Zazu (yeah, he actually survived) to marry Nala, have their seperate kids, and Banzai, Shenzi, and Ed actually got the chance to stay in Pride Rock only if they agreed to let Simba, Timon, Pumbaa, and Zazu to get stuff on with Banzai, and Shenzi and Ed let Nala work her stuff on them. They accepted. And so the square of life continued. Hakuna Matata, bitches!

Controversies and Scandals[edit]

Fued with Tha Hyenaa Pound[edit]

Tha Hyenaa Pound

Though he had many fueds with many west coast rappers, OG Simba Loc's most famous fued was with "Tha Hyenaa Pound", made up of 3 hyenas who were forced to live in the ghettos that OG Simba's ancestors forced them to live in. After Simba released his album "Str8 off da Streetz of da Serenghetto", Tha Hyenaa Pound released an album filled with disses aimed at Simba Loc claiming that he wasn't from the streets and that they actually were. OG Simba retaliated by making a bunch of singles that contained some NC-17 material about Tha Hyenaa Pound. Infuriated, Tha Hyenaa Pound led a drive-by on Simba's pieces of rock, fatally wounding OG Simba's slave-monkey. This pissed OG Simba off so bad, he went Super Saiyan on them and violently raped and killed some Hyena bitches as Marty the Thwomp crushed the rest. The fued finally ended after Tha Hyenaa Pound died of gonorrhea.

Fued with NWA[edit]

This fued is not very well known. It started after Eazy-E called OG Simba a "fag with hair on his ass". As expected, OG Simba was very fuckin pissed and took it out on DJ Yella, who he ate. Nobody had ever really cared about DJ Yella, so it didn't have much effect. But it launched a fued that wasn't publicized at all but one in which OG Simba ultimately won.

Tupac and the human riots[edit]

In 1996, Simba Loc was involved in a shocking controversy in which he was blamed for the death of renowned rapper Tupac Shakur. Simba and Tupac had been in a fued that was part of the "Animal-Human Rap Rivalry". OG Simba was later found not guilty on charges of murder, sending humans on a full-scale riot. Locals in Africa started hunting animals, killing OG Simba's protege T-Pimp. This heightened the rivalry, and lions started to eat humans. For years, scientists were baffled by how lions would do such a thing, top scientists all gathered together and made this theory: (when X=the number of dead humans).

September 11 Accusations[edit]

On 9/11, after the World Trade Center was flown into, Simba Loc was immedeately blamed for the attacks. Simba Loc was then tried on 17 counts of conspiracy, 2,000 counts of murder, and 5 counts of sexual harrasment just for the heck of it. Simba was found not guilty on 2,021 counts but was found guilty on 1 charge of sexual harrasment because they needed some action. He was due to spend 10 years in jail but was paroled after 3 years.

Albums[edit]

The Lion King[edit]

OG Simba Loc's first album was The Lion King. It turned out to be very successful with 3 of its songs nominated for grammies. This album features T-Pimp (sometimes called "Timon" during the album) and Simba's cadillac Pumba. Simba went under fire for this because his caddilac was not very fuel efficient and released a lot of gas.

Simba's Pride[edit]

This second album was not very successful at all. None of the songs were praised due to them sucking eggs. Most agree that Simba should have just had a V8.