Singapore Management University

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Singapore Management University
Motto Style over substance.
Established 2000
School type Private
Head Donald Duck
Location Singapore, Texas, Singapore
Campus Urban
Faculty 300000000000
Mascot Empty Vessel Making Noise

Founded in 1999 in an attempt to bring the private sector into a state-run industry in Singapore, Singapore Management University opened its doors to 300+ brave students in August 2000. But of course, the other word for brave, is foolhardy, which is beyond the comprehension of SMU's most wonderfully intelligent students. They were supposed to be studying business management. Almost immediately, the atmosphere created within a small, hastily constructed 2-story building just beyond the doors of the Singapore Botanic Gardens was so contagious, that many people caught the flu.

SMU has been from time to time been benchmarked to the SMURF, for all the cartoon thingys SMU requires their students to do, to pass up as being "different", "hippy" and the feeble attempt as being "highly sought after". SMU is mostly Stupidly Milking Useless Rubbish Fanatically.

Lacking anything tangible between their ears, SMU students compensate for their intellectual insecurities by wearing business suits.

The university branded itself as giving a pale approximation of the Wharton-style education from the University of Pennsylvania - Wharton School of Business. But hey you get what you paid for.

Faculty at the university were pinched from the 2 state-run universities in Singapore. In the island of the blind, SMU got the one eyed kings. But of course, we do understand one-eyes are usually the rejects from the state-run universities who have somehow notched better people with brains so big, their eyes popped out.

It is known that the rest of the unhypnotised world of oversized advertisements with dubious statistics, have always suspected that SMU really means Simply Made Up.

2001 August[edit]

The next intake saw 500 students join the initial 300 in a vastly enlarged penis shaped campus, ceded to SMU by the government enuchs, with the departing NIE (National Institute of Education) leaving behind manure and love stains from angry smurfs.

The campus was designed for a capacity of somewhere between 1000 to 2000 students... so 800 students had the run of the place, creating ownership of study rooms. There were nice systems in place to allow one to make a reservation on a study room not unlike the way dogs mark their territories.

Seminar rooms were also made accessible to all students for making out sessions with themselves. Unfortunately, some students had moral standards sadly lacking, and the condom dispensing machine went missing. This led to the authorities clamping down on seminar room access, and thus, lead to the slow erosion of the campus culture of perversion.

Sometime during this intake's Convocation, someone mentioned that there were only 7 transgendered hamsters in an Accounting school intake of just over 100. Lucky people. The average gender makeup within the school hovered around 1:4, 1:5 of which official statistics could be acquired, but we're not terribly bothered about specifics here.

Around this time, the great goldfish marketing pitch was dumped (nobody understood why that particular goldfish was so uniquely different and special... just another case of the experts having a laugh at the clients' expense. Now, we had student doing cartwheels, headstands, epilectic fits and all sorts of gymnastics to show that our products would be different. Different became a rallying cry for the nascent student culture. Infact SMU students are so different, just like everybody else.

The SMU classroom environment.

Except, this group is suffers a greater tendency in being dillusional about their being different.


This period is often dubbed the cola wars. And like the missing forehead ridges of Klingons, SMU students do not talk fondly about this period.


The only ethernet cable in the whole campus was shorted out signalling the beginning of the dark ages. During this time, data packets originating from campus had to be send by carrier pigeons and albino monkeys. Due to the tropical weather of Singapore, the albino monkeys soon developed skin cancer so the data packets had to be attached to the back of the heads of the students leaving for internship. Thus the job attachment program was borned.


Xenu was named the president of the university. The scientology department resigned in protest reducing the university's prestige by half. In early 2005, the anti-Kathy Holmes-Cruise rebel alliance was started which resulted in the destruction of the university's death-star. The ewoks arrived and added new diversity to the campus. However there was some tension between the local students and those foreign aliens that arrived FOB (fresh off the battle-cruiser).


A new academic superstar named Jesus arrived in campus. He could perform many miracles like turning internships into job offers and multi-level marketing. He created a large followings of students who were nicknamed the apostles. In campus, the most famous of his followers were John, Paul, George and Ringo. They sang songs in praise of Jesus except for John who suddenly thought he was "bigger" than Jesus. Jesus left in disgust over suggestions that he was less well-endowed than John.

2006... & beyond[edit]

SMU, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission is to seek out new life and employment. To boldly go where no coward has gone before.

The Secret Manupulation Unit though, will continue to hide the fact that only 1 or 2 has succeeded annually.

SMU as quoted by its Outgoing batch is "way too different to actually give out a normal degree". In the feeble attempt to train students to be what SMU thinks the industry needs, a useless bunch of clueless students who have absolutely no knowledge about anything whatsoever