Skeeball

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Skeeball is a sport played mainly by Vikings, pirates, lumberjacks, and other various superhumans. The object of the game is to throw a sphere of varying weight inside a hole. As easy as this may sound, you'd probably be hard-pressed to do it yourself, Cinderella.

History[edit]

Origins[edit]

Skeeball was supposed to be created by a man named Jacøb Hrûtz-Skee, however, Jacøb spent most of his time drinking and sleeping in stranger's hammocks. Eventually, he ran out of money for his booze and legal defense, and had to sell part of his last name.

The actual creation of Skeeball was in 1856, by the man that bought the name "Skee"®, a man originally named just "Jim", an unsuccessful Kool-Aid salesman (mainly because it didn't exist yet). Upon buying a last name, he set out to create one of the manliest games ever made, even though it would later be wussified to such extent that even women, children, and mimes could play it. Thus, the original form of skeeball was born.

Skeeball, in those days, was considerably harder and considerably less wimpy then today. The game was played with 500 lb. cannonballs, a 100 foot distance between the player and the target holes, and midgets who would attempt to break the players knees with sledgehammers.

The original form of Skeeball had little popularity outside of people with immense strength and supersmell, and so Jim Skee's manufacturing company went out of business within an hour. Desperate for cash and David Bowie albums, he sold the game to Big Business Incorporated, who made the game into a considerably wimpier version, with things like "reasonable distances" and "balls that don't weigh enough to be considered a lethal weapon".

Skeeball's solo career[edit]

After Reality and The Abstract Concepts broke up, the sport of Skeeball went on to a solo career. Its first album I'm Still Alive, You Stupid Schmucks! barely managed to sell over 300,000 copies. After this initial failure, the sport of Skeeball disappeared from the public eye, retreating to Central Asia, taking in the sights and sounds of the area, and decided that it totally blew. It returned to the States after a two-year absence, and recorded the considerably more successful Asia Really Sucks. Critics say the album's less confrontational, and more comfortable, homely, racist feel was a large part of it's success. Fans say it was simply a poppier revision of its earlier material, done in a mock Chinese accent. However, everyone can agree that making fun of Asians is inherently hilarious.

Modern Skeeball[edit]

So, now, stripped of its former glory, Skeeball now only manages to mildly frustrate pimply teenagers at the school fair.

Famous players of Skeeball[edit]

Skeeball is a very popular game, and is actually still awesome, despite being incredibly wussy. Some well-known players of Skeeball include:

And basically anybody who's anybody. Which would include you, but you're not cool enough.