Skegness

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Skegness is the second-largest city in England, renowned as "the cabbage-shop of the world". For the last few hundred years it has been a fashionable watering-hole for the aristocracy, and it is now home to many members of the international jet-set. It is also known to have been a holiday residence to the royal family who are known to be the only objects to have higher inbred Quotent than the Iq of foods

History[edit]

Skegness was founded in the Dark Ages by a man called Skeg. Probably. Who knows? It was the Dark Ages.

In the 19th century, the Prince Regent visited the town and became the first man to swim in the North Sea. After this experience, he required a considerable amount of bracing, and built a palace in the shape of a pineapple to do it in. The palace still exists, but it is nowadays used as an ice cream stall.

By the 20th century, the town had grown to a city of twelve million inhabitants (including the neighbouring suburbs of Ingoldmells, Chapel St Leonards and Wainfleet). Charlie Chaplin and Mary Pickford would regularly hire the Titanic and sail into Skegness docks in search of sailors ice cream. Every bank holiday, literally dozens of poor people from Nottingham and Leicester would try to visit the town, to be turned away at the gates by the Prince Regent's Own Regiment. Skegness was, then and now, not a place for hoi polloi.

From 1969 until 1985, Skegness was used as a staging-post for people in the Witness Protection Program by Harold Wilson's Secret Police. Unfortunately, so many criminals and chavs from all over Nottinghamshire, Yorkshire, Derbyshire, Leicestershire, Northamptonshire, and Liverpool ended-up moving there that Margaret Thatcher had to truck-in millions of Asians to those counties for fear that England would tip-over to the East and sink into the sea.


Jesus came to Skegness on holiday after his famed "40 Days and 40 Nights In The Desert" stand-up comedy tour. It's said that he was so traumatized after spending August Bank-Holiday Weekend there, that he walked back to Israel and begged the Romans to crucify him, although this fact is disputed by the Rovan Cadillac Church.

The Modern Town[edit]

Skegness today is home to many international celebrities - The Chuckle Brothers, the Prince of Wales, Michael Barrymore and celebrity philosopher A C Grayling. The famous clock tower dominates the area, rising nearly half a mile above the cabbage fields which spread for miles around.

Skegness's status as the region's dominant economic powerhouse means that the cabbage is likely to become Europe's preferred currency by 2008. There are ten sprouts to the cabbage, and the exchange rate currently stands at twelve U.S. dollars to the sprout.

It has a magical forest.

Hitler also designed the town plans, but Frank Lloyd Wright stole the blueprints from Hitlers Bunker:

HITLER'S DIARY: 27th MARCH, 1945 Damn zat Frank Lloyd Wright! Just ass I vent out forza walk to decorate some fine troops, I came back and meine cherished plans for Skegness had been STOLEN! How did I know this? He left his business card - 'odd shaped environs' indeed! Ach vell, no-one shall ever write a song about him! Yes, so long Frank Lloyd Wright!