Skipton

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Skipton Castle - built by His Whiteship Michael Jackson

Skipton[edit]

Skipton is the capital city of Yorkshire, England. Nicknamed the "Gateway to the Dales" because everybody's called Dale and you pass through a gate to enter. Skipton is bisected by the Leeds - Liverpool Sea, which is home to 34 giant squids. With a population of 23,54545,464 people - 97% of which are chavs and dirty, stinking Polish imigrants - Skipton is also the most populous city in the world. An open air market is held 4 times a week, during which time, dirty Asians try to sell cheap "designer" gear which has just fallen off the back of a van.


History[edit]

Skipton was founded by Michael Jackson in 1978 as a place where men could sleep innoncently with boys in their bed. Michael still lives in Skipton Castle which he himself built out of Lego in 2010, with his boyfriend Pingu.

Jacko's Bitch
His Whiteship showing off his latest operation

Twin City[edit]

Skipton is twinned with the city of Sheep Town on the planet of Barryius Scottius, which is identical to Skipton except its populated by naked Tibeten monk loving sheep.

People[edit]

Skipton's population is mostly chavs who should be shot, though there are a fair few emo types who should just be pointed and laughed at. Skipton's main language is now Polish, which has replaced the language of Pingu which is still taught at the three secondary schools in Skipton. In 1998, Skipton was invaded by Poland, which accounts for all the bloody Poles. Jews are banned from Skipton.


Schools[edit]

Skipton has 3 secondary schools all of which are recruiting centres for terrorists:

Aireville School - School for chavs. Run by Mormoms, its headmaster is Thomas The Tank Engine, and its premises is haunted by a giant Smurf.

Ermysteds - Full of gays, where they play egg chasing. Dumb children go here. Graham Norton is headmaster.

Skipton's Girls High - Full of transexuals from Thailand, who are all lesbian carpet lickers.

For further education, Craven College has a wide selection of courses for stupid old people, including English, where they learn how to shout about how much Carlsberg Special Brew costs these days, and how to annoy everone by saying that when they were young they had to make do with a stick and a ball of string - none of these fancy X-Cubes or Playboxes in them days oh no.


Transport[edit]

Skipton's bus station is now populated by Chavs who hang around by the toliets like George Michael in his prime, mugging pensioners and sexuallly abusing dogs (otherwise known as their girlfriends). The hyper-taxi rank is also here but nobdody uses them, because their all theiving Asians. Skipton's train station was built by Thomas The Tank Engine, and is run by the Fat Controller. Sadly, some Aussies stole all the tracks for scrap metal - they'll have ought if its not nailed down the theiving bastards. The underground has been out of action since 1913 when the Loch Ness monster set up home there. Skipton's main source of transport are carts pulled by slave Khazakstan women on its chocolate roads.


Shops and Services[edit]

Skipton has its own hospital which is run by Dr. Frankenstein and Jesus, which conducts research on Jews. A recent breakthrough came when they found out that the Jews unique sense of smell means that they can detect a penny dropping on the floor from a distance of 1km, and explains whey they are all money grabbers. The local paper is the Chip-Shop Wrapper. There are Tesco and a Morrisons shop made out of Lego like the rest of Skipton. All the corner shops were closed down by his Whiteship Michael Jackson, who despises anybody who's not white like himself.


Radio Stations[edit]

Skipton has its own radio station called Stale F.M. because it just plays the same old 70's and 80's crap all the time. It is run by Al-Jezeera, and its most popular presenter is Osama-Bin-Laddie.


Entertainment[edit]

Skipton has many pubs to serve the drunken population but by law they can only sell Magners, Special Brew or Frosty Jack. It is also illegal to drink anywhere but Skipton High Street, where it is possible to watch Chavs fighting on a night. In the bus station, you can see the Chavs main sport of sexual abuse, which is a bit like dogging. You can also buy underage teenage prostitutes for either a bottle of cider or a pack of fags. The main nightclub is Strata, which is famous for is piss-poor music and the carpet you always get stuck to. Skipton has its own from of Jester called Mike Heat (proper name Mike Barrett) known for his hillarious stunts such as burping in people's faces and freezing bottles of wine. Once a year, the travelling fair comes to Aireville Park, where people que for 9 hours to go on the only ride - the death defying teacups of doom. Scary!!!


Mike Heat[edit]

File:MIKE HEAT.jpg 


Mike Heat (real name Mike Barrett) who lives in Skipton is the founder of the Yorkshire Wrestling League. Mike is sadly banned from Windsor's World of Carpets though.