Sonic the Preggo

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Sonic the Hedgehog or an Longer, even more listcrufty Version of this article?



Sonic the Preggo being pregnant and naked. As you can see, he doesn't have a penis or a vagina.

Sonic the Preggo is a minor character in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. He is much like Sonic; however, instead of having the ability to run at the speed of sound, Sonic the Preggo has the ability to be pregnant with several litters of fetuses at once. Sonic the Hedgehog, like all other male Mobians, can only be pregnant with one litter at a time. Not only is Sonic the Preggo capable of getting pregnant with several different litters at once, he is in fact eternally pregnant, and has been so since at least 1992. Sonic the Hedgehog, however, has only been pregnant a couple of times. Although Sonic the Preggo and Sonic the Hedgehog look very similar, they can be easily differentiated by Sonic the Preggo's significantly slower pace and his huge, homoerotic pregnant belly: Sonic the Hedgehog's homoerotic pregnant belly is significantly smaller than Sonic the Preggo's. Despite popular belief to the contrary, both are raging promiscuous homosexuals, like all male Mobians.

Although he is only a minor video game character, Sonic the Preggo is the subject matter of much fan art and fiction, despite, or possibly because of his pregnantness. Some examples of this fan art can be found of DeviantART or in the external links below.

Origins[edit]

Sonic the Preggo, also know as Sonic the Preghog, is Sonic the Hedgehog's counterpart from an alternate universe, much like Wario is Mario's counterpart from an alternate universe. However, Wario comes from an evil mirror universe, while Sonic the Preggo comes from what is best described as a slash universe. In Sonic the Preggo's home slash universe, male Mobians bare children, like in our own, but they can be pregnant with several litters at once. Like most slash universes, however, the males that get pregnant constantly are much more whiny, effeminate, submissive, bitchy, and clingy than the males that don't get pregnant quite as much in that universe. It has been suggested that the "pregnant males" in such universe are in fact really flat-chested women who happen to have penises. This is complete bull shit, they are much submissive and effeminate than any female ever. Additionally, no male Mobians have any external genitalia whatsoever, and only male Mobians can get pregnant, except for that one time. During the Nintendo War, Sega has succeeded in summoning the evil anti-Mario, now known as Wario from an alternate universe to battle Mario and the forces of Nintendo. Nintendo then attempted to do the same thing. Eventually, the succeeded in capturing a Sonic counterpart from a alternate universe, unfortunately, instead of getting an evil version of Sonic, they got an mpreg version of Sonic. Despite being incredibly sexy, in slightly disturbing and very gay, mpreggie way, Sonic the Preggo was not what Nintendo was expecting. Already having one pregnant male character, Birdo (that pink dinosaur-like thing with the huge mouth that vomits eggs at Mario from Super Mario Brothers 2, its male! Seriously! But I digress..), Nintendo feared that it might be labeled as the "mpreg consul" if it added more pregnant male characters, so it was decided to keep Sonic the Preggo secret, locked away in a hidden prison cell were no one would ever see the abomination they brought into this universe. During this time, Oscar Wilde, (the internet Meme, not to be confused with the 19th century playwright) the High Lord Arbiter of Nintendo repeatedly raped Sonic the Preggo, resulting in the birth of Duck Wilde.

Liberation by the Mobians[edit]

Amy greeting Sonic the Preggo

Nintendo's plans, however, would soon be swathed by a Mobian offensive launched by Sega. Mobian special forces, led by Tails, while raiding one of Nintendo's corporate office buildings, found a rather strange Mobian locked away in a remote cell. He looked like Sonic the Hedgehog, but was much heavier, yet strangely hotter, than Sonic. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to a very pregnant version of Sonic. Upon discovering this, Tails was heard to exclaim, "OMG your like so fuck'en hawt its wrong! I mean seriously, your really turning me on right now! Honestly, I'm going to ruin my underwear if I keep looking at you. Well, I would if I had underwear... or genitals, but you get the idea. Man, right now, I really wish I could have an orgasm." After explaining who he was, Tails decided to take Sonic the Preggo to the Sega stronghold of Mobius.

Sonic the Preggo's arrival was greeted with both suspicion and homoerotic lust by most of the inhabitants. Some feared that he might be an evil clone of Sonic, others thought he might be a spy or decoy sent by Nintendo, still others wondered if there were more Mobians from alternate universes held by Nintendo, while most were mainly concerned with looking at his hawt hugely preggo body. Sonic the Hedgehog was confused, yet strangely aroused, by his heavily pregnant counterpart. Much testing was done on Sonic the Preggo to determine if he was a spy for Nintendo, and to determine exactly how gay mpreg sex is. After much analysis, it was determined that he wasn't working for Nintendo, and that mpreg sex is the gayest and most disturbing form of gay sex possible, especially when the mpreg sex involves a really pregnant male.

Emissary to Nintendo[edit]

Sonic the Preggo sucking on a hose, for no apparent reason

Sonic the Preggo quickly became a trusted associate of many of the higher ranking Mobians. The Mobian soon utilized Sonic the Preggo as part of a plot against Nintendo. They would send Sonic the Preggo as an emissary to Nintendo, with the said purpose of negotiating a treaty against the resurgent forces of Atari and its Jaguar, However, Sonic the Preggo's real purpose was to seduce Mario Mario sexually, take pictures of said event, and publish said pictures in an attempt to embarrass Mario and the forces of Nintendo. The plan worked as expected, Sonic the Preggo has able to seduce Mario rather easily, as Mario was much aroused by Sonic the Preggo's very pregnant belly because he is gay like that. Tails, who was hiding in the closet, took several pictures and a few video recordings of the event. A few days later, Sonic the Preggo, Tails, and the disturbing photographic evidence arrived safely back in Mobius.

Unfortunately, right before the pictures were published, Bowser Koopa, King of the Koopa, the most trusted ally of the Mobians against Mario, discovered a fatal flaw in the plan. Sonic the Preggo looked much like Sonic the Hedgehog, in fact, except for Sonic the Preggo's huge, sexy, fetus filled belly, they looked identical. Therefore, Bowser reasoned, those looking at the photographs would assume that Mario was having sex with Sonic the Hedgehog. What was worse, Sonic the Preggo was in the "passive" position, and he was was heavily pregnant, so it looked like Mario was PWNing Sonic. This was made even worse because Sonic the Hedgehog was pregnant at the time, making him look even more like Sonic the Preggo, although Sonic the Hedgehog's pregnant belly was always noticeably smaller.

The event was not a total loss, however. Sonic the Preggo soon found out he was pregnant with Mario's children, later named Baby Mario and Baby Luigi. The Mobians were able to ransom these children back to Mario in exchange for much territory, and cease-fire of several years.

Marriage(s)[edit]

Sonic the Preggo and a few of his various spouses, casual sex partners, and bastard offspring. A.k.a. the mandatory "couple and its spawn pic"

Sonic the Preggo then began dating Shadow the Hedgehog, and the soon fell in love. At the time, mixed race marriage was illegal in Mobius. Conservative Mobians asserted that allowing bi-racial marriage would eventually result in the abolition of marriage. However, Shadow and Sonic the Preggo were not deterred, and took there case to the Supreme Court of Mobius. After an act of unhinged liberal judicial activism, the Supreme Court of Mobius declared gay marriage to be a constitutional right. Sonic the Preggo and Shadow were married soon thereafter.

Unfortunately, the conservatives were right, and the courts of Mobius began removing all restrictions whatsoever on marriage. First they legalized polygamy, then lowered the minimum age for marriage to 12, and then legalized incest. It was soon followed by legalizing marriage between Mobians and apes, lowering the age of consent for marriage to 3, legalizing marriage between Mobians and and all animals, allowing marraige between Mobians and plants & fungi, and, most finally, allowing babies and even unborn fetuses, in some cases, to get married. After the legalizing of polygamy, Sonic the Preggo and Shadow entered into a 5 way gay marriage with Tails, Silver, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Knuckles.

Marriage to Bowser[edit]

Holy crap! Nadia Sulaiman!

As the Supreme Court of Mobius continued in its quest to expand the definition of marriage out of existence, many conservatives began questioning the wisdom of Mobius's republican constitution, and began advocating the establishment of a constitutional monarchy, with King Bowser of the Koopa Kingdom, a wise and experienced ruler, not to mention a long time ally of the Mobians, as king. The Supreme Court, they reasoned, would then be replaced by a totally impotent House of Lords, and all political decisions would then be made by a popularly elected legislature. Obviously, the liberals viewed such a political scheme both reactionary and despotic.

After much political negotiation, some of the liberals decided to join the monarchists, on condition that Bowser marry Sonic the Preggo, and the children of that union be first in line for the throne. Fortunately, Bowser had been a life long bachelor, the 7 Koopalings were bastards, so they would be preempted by a legitimate heir. Unfortunately, Bowser was one of the few heterosexuals in that region, and the laws of the Koopa Kingdom prevented him from marrying a man, a most strange and unusual law. Additionally, Sonic the Preggo already had 5 husbands at this time.

However, lawyers for the supporters of Sonic the Preggo argued that the courts in the Koopa Kingodm could declare Sonic the Preggo a woman in that kingdom, on the grounds that Sonic the Preggo didn't have a penis and can get pregnant. (As a side note, this also declared all other male Mobians female, as they didn't have a penis and can get pregnant.) Also, the suggested that the Koopa courts could declare the 5 marriages of Sonic the Preggo invalid, on the grounds that they were legally considered gay marriages in the jurisdiction in which they were preformed. Finally, it was argued that Sonic the Preggo was not actually having sex with his 5 husbands, as none of them had any external sex organs whatsoever. This planned worked, and Bowser was soon married to Sonic the Preggo, and not long afterward, Bowser Jr. was born. Due to the terms of the treaty, the marriage between Sonic the Preggo and Bowser is a morganatic marriage; despite being Bowser's legal wife in the Koopa Kingdom, and legal husband on Mobius, Sonic the Preggo still lives as a private citizen, not wanting the duties and publicity of royalty.

After the establishment of constitutional monarchy on Mobius, the great conservative icon, Uncle Chuck was elected Prime Minister. His vast conservative accomplishments include reducing federal spending by 2% (if you don't count military spending, interest of the federal debt which ballooned due to his unsustainable tax cuts, increases in nondiscretionary which Parliament really doesn't have control over, and adjusting for inflation, obviously), increasing the minimum age for marriage back up to 2 years of age, and increasing the co-pays on abortion in the NHS by 50%, from $1.00 to $1.50 per abortion. After serving as Prime minister for 4 years, Uncle Chuck lost the office after attempting to pass a poll tax. He died of advanced Alzheimer's disease and extreme old age shortly thereafter. Due to his great conservative accomplishments, his face now appears on the Mobian dime and $10 bill and he is officially recognized as demigod by the Conservative Party of Mobius.

Current Life on Mobius[edit]

Sonic the Preggo now leads a quiet and peaceful, yet lecherous as a private citizen on Mobius with his numerous wives, husbands, causal sex partners, and bastard offspring. He is fiends with, and has been impregnated by, most of the more famous inhabitants of Mobius. This is quite impressive, as male Mobians have no genitals whatsoever. Despite the fact that Sonic the Preggo rarely appears in video games, because he's always too pregnant, many of Sonic the Preggo's offspring have appeared as either new or minor characters in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Some have suggested that this is nepotism, and ruining the game by adding too many new completely unnecessary characters.

List of Spouses and Children[edit]

This is only a partial listing on Sonic the Preggo's more famous spouses and children:

  • Oscar Wilde, High Lord Arbiter of Nintendo, often raped Sonic the Preggo when he was a prisoner of Nintendo in 1993
  • Mario, one night stand in 1994
    • Baby Mario, born 1994
    • Baby Luigi, born 1994
  • Shadow the Hedgehog, married 1994
  • Tails, married 1995
    • Rouge the Bat, born 2001. Tails is part bat, because he can fly, obviously. Rouge inherited the lechery of both her parents, obviously.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog, married 1995
  • Silver the Hedgehog, married 1995
    • Big the Rabbit, born 1998. Both Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Preggo have rabbit ancestry. It is partially responsible for Sonic's speed and Sonic the Preggo's ability to crap out children (literally, he gives birth thru his butt if you haven't figured that out) like its going out of style
    • Cream the Rabbit, 2003
    • Cheese the Chao, 2003. Twin hermaphrodite of Cream the Rabbit, rumored to a living placenta.
  • Knuckles, married 1995
  • Amy Rose, married 1996. Married mainly to stop her constant stalking and sexual assaults.
  • King Bowser, married 2001
    • Bowser Jr, 2002

Links[edit]

Deviant Art Links[edit]

“Seriously, you don't need to click any of these links, unless your a pervert.”

~ Captain Obvious on these links


Sonic the Hedgehog characters

Sonic the Hedgehog - Tails the Straight