“You can't grill soup.”
“I have more soup than you!”
“I Like to eat soup, it reminds me of my penis”
“NO SOUP FOR YOU”
“Welcome to "The Soup"!”
The inventor of soup, Fraser McSoup [["MY PEN IS BROKEN" Matthew Liebeck, 5AI]] Fraser was born on a small island west of France, Framany (given its name as it was owned by the Germans) approximately six hours into the sixth of June, 1313 to Frank and Missy McSoup. He was born on a table which had 665 on the table cloth, so for his entire life, 665 was his favourite number, signifying that he was almost evil. When he was a young boy, he didn't go to school, so he couldn't read or write, but when he was 17, he got a job as a violin stringer. As a kid, he was a very handsome, athletic boy, but as he grew older, he gradually got uglier and fatter, and became a heavy drinker, which lead to him being incredibly accident prone. He took a trip to Britain in 1366 and met a lovely woman with the same second name as him, her name was Katherine. The two fell in love, got married in a London church and had 13 kids, all male. They all moved to a small island called Chapan, between China and Japan, in 1370, where they found a stray dog, struggling to stay alive. They took the dog in and named it Milberry, but after only a few months of owning the dog, it fell down a very steep hill and stumbled to its death. In 1385 Fraser was chopping up vegetables and he fell, resulting in the chopping board, with the vegetables on it, falling into a pot of boiling water. This was the first type of soup – Vegetable and chopping board soup. In 1399, fourteen years after he made the first type of soup, he discovered that it would taste so much better without the chopping board, so then vegetable soup was invented. From that, he experimented and made all different types of soup, which are still eaten to this day. His soups became highly popular, so he kept making them for the rest of his life. In February 1666, after a long, tiring life of soup making, his life flashed before his eyes as he was hit by the world's first motor vehicle. Fortunately, he did not die, but he broke his leg in more than one place. The numbers 666 in the year may have something to do with it. Later that same day, he fell from his roof putting his Christmas decorations up. You see, going up on your roof with a broken leg is a highly stupid idea. He was badly paralysed, but really missed his horse riding days, so he mounted a horse, and wasn't on for long before he fell off and died, coincidentally. He was buried in Madarica (between Madagascar and Africa) and people still go to visit his grave to this day, usually leaving flowers, and watering them with soup. It is rumoured that Fraser had three legs, but no evidence has been found to prove this
'Souped up cars', literally
On May 15th, 2006 the CEO and Founder of Italian automakers Asinos'trano motors announced that it will be starting research on a gas alternative that consists of Golden Barley Soup with a little parsley. He also announced a line up of cars that will run on it:
- sesso con i pesci XT3242: A mid-sized sedan EST:$45,040USD
- costi a molto XG3423: A compact coupe EST:45,030USD
They are striving for at least 2 miles/ tablespoon at this point.
Although one can only guess at the future of soup, it is safe to say that the evil Safeway Alliance will continue to destroy all oposition, including Soup. But soup is not without allies, famous persons such as Dr. Phil, Oprah, and the 18 man population of the Island of Bogota continue to lobby for soup's legality. Hopefully someday we can all enjoy soup without fear.
Soup's Usage and the Invention of Chicken Noodle Soup
Soup has been used for numerous things over the years in many societies such as miracle cures for arthritis, diabetes, acute homosexuality and the common cold to list a few. The history of chicken noodle soup's usage as a food to consume when sick stems from a dark past.
It all started when a young 12-year-old English boy named Marcus Rubens in 1894 fell ill with a mild cold in the small village of Wrongsdale. His mother(who was a great mother even though she was clinically insane and schizophrenic) thought that Marcus was infected with bananas. She believed that since his skin was sort of yellowish in color it contained banana pigment and that soon he would become a banana boy.
She actually built a laboratory in the house's cottage that was in the back yard and worked on developing a cure for this ailment. She conducted experiments involving bananas having different concocted liquids poured on them in various doses. One concoction consisted of chicken, wheat noodles and barley along with carrots. When the mother poured this substance on a banana, she found that it became all mushy and gross. She assumed that this killed the banana's evil demons even though the banana had the same reaction to every other concoction she made.
One day, the mother made some fresh pots of this soup and carried it up to Marcus's bedroom where she proceeded to force-feed him. She explained that this mixture would kill the bananas infecting him and he would be okay, as long as he was constantly consuming this soup that she made.
The mother quickly noticed her son getting better the next few days, even though her son protested her feeding him entire bowls of this soup ten times a day. The mother quickly let everyone know in the little English village that her son was doing better and that soup was the key to a cure. The village took her advice and gave it to their children when they were sick.
Sadly for Marcus, his mother didn't stop giving him soup and figured the bananas could quickly infect her boy again and that he should be constantly consuming this soup that she made in order to prevent this from happening. One night she made a make-shift I.V. feed of soup and injected Marcus with soup flowing from an I.V. bag hanging from Marcus's bed frame. The next day, the mother went to check on Marcus in the morning only to find that her son was dead and soup was flowing out of every orifice in his body. Horrified, the mother felt immediately guilt-ridden and binged on this soup that she made every day until she died two days later from consuming too much.
The village went on to spread the message to the rest of England and eventually the Americas that soup is a great food to eat when someone is sick. The story of Mrs. Rubens and her son was quickly lost in history and only a handful of people know about this tragedy today.
ATTACK OF THE SOUP ANON
A long time ago, in a fbr_trash post far far away, one anon developed a strange craving for soup. But once she got her soup, she did not stop her crazed rampage. She became obsessed, forcing kind users to make her soup related videos and posting random videos she found on the internet of soup. She even went so far as to edit the Wikipedia page of soup with her crazed ramblings. Most everything she does is signed 'with love from soup anon', so be very very careful if you see this warning. You never know when she will strike again!
For the last time they have nothing to do with soup!! Kangaroos and Wallabies don't even like soup! Koalas will eat soup but don't love it. Marsupials don't taste that good in soup. Maybe in stew, I don't know, try it sometime. Tell me how it works out. I've been curious about this for a while. What about wallaby chowder...