The Space Race

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“In Soviet NASA, Moon comes to you!!”

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“I always wanted to be the first woman on the Smoon

~ Tamia

“You will be, 'cause...you...are...a...Supersmoonie

Space race.jpg

USSR. The two contenders have to build rockets to launch their countries from the surface of the Earth to land on the Moon. Rockets are generally placed in holes drilled deep into the ground, while specalized teams work at separating the crust from the mantle.

Hazards[edit]

Unfortunately, due to lack of oxygen in open space, every time the Space Race is held, the population of both countries are completely wiped out. The USSR at the moment is working on a very clever dome to put over their country which will hold in all the oxygen, while the United States are trying to oxygenate space completely to make it safe for their country to travel through it without the extra drag that would be created by Matt Y. Unfortunatly, everybody that has ever entered space has died and noone actually knows if we have gotten to the moon because the the tapes burned on reentry and Noob Eisenhower said "[email protected]#$ this!!!"

Early Attempts[edit]

Spunicrushkev the space hound was crushed by the weight of his own bladder shortly after entering space.

After several unsuccessful attempts through the use of rocket propelled catapults, the USSR realized that they might have more success if they aimed their unmanned shuttles at space and not West Berlin. On July the 15th In 1952 Nikola Khrushchev set the USSR it's most ambitious space project yet. It was announced several days later that a series of rockets were to be launched at the moon to misalign it's orbit by 3 degrees. The plan was made to help Khrushchev overcome his fear of the Moon. Unfortunately though, the USSR didn't possess the technology to send an unmanned shuttle to the moon. To correct this problem a trained dog called Spunicruskev, or "inferior bladdered one" in English, was placed in the capsule to help pilot the spaceship. The Mission ended in tragedy when Spunicruskev exploded from what was later revealed to be a swollen bladder. The USSR conceded this was a poor decision and on the next mission a Mexican bladderless snapping turtle was sent.

The Space Boom[edit]

By the mid 1950's Noob Eisenhower, the then president of the USA, expressed concern about the large amounts of shrapnel from the USSR's space program landing on the White House. During a national address he outlined how American's shouldn't have tolerate, "bad commie construction work plastering their walls and plague proportions of Mexican bladderless snapping turtles loitering around in gangs at night and scaring the elderly." In retaliation President Eisenhower founded the National Turtle Killing Association, (NTKA). In their founding statement the NTKA expressed to crush the USSR in space exploration.

Around the same time a young schoolboy from Venezuela was about to make a discovery which would revolutionize the space industry. Paulio Mecurio had been hiding in an old abandoned oil well. It is believed he was lost in the well when he decided to light a match. The subsequent explosion launched the entire nation of Venezuela into space and into the history books. Although Venezuela missed the moon by several thousand miles the initiative did catch the eye of NTKA administrator Thomas Keith Glennan. Glennan saw the moon as a rich new land which the American people could live in prosperity, free of war and hatred. He believed that relocating America to the moon was a solution to all worldly problems. When the NTKA advisory commission decided against such a space program Glennan held 42 hostages at NTKA headquarters, killing 24 employees and forcing an approval signature from all board members. It took 13 heavily armed police officers to subdue and pummel him to death. Afterwards the NTKA board was legally forced to start Glennan's proposed space program after giving their approval signatures. The NTKA began channeling funds into research for country launching techniques.