Space is minty fresh
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The Hubba Bubba Space Telescope has confirmed one fact not anticipated by either classical or relativistic physics
Although scientists continue to speculate on the shape and extent of space, new research with the Hubba Bubba Space Telescope has confirmed one fact not anticipated by either classical or relativistic physics: space is minty fresh.
Preliminary calculations indicate that a given volume of space is occupied by approximately 1023 cubic pounds of breath mints, candy mints, face mints, anal mints, and other types of mints.
"Astronomers have long speculated that space contains dust, 'dark matter', and other annoyances" said NASA astrophysicist Gus Nearling "but until now we were unaware that it was so packed with mouthwatering minty freshness".
"This is unanticipated" continued Nearling. "Classical Newtonian physics had indicated that space was either empty, or was filled with individually wrapped slices of American cheese; while Einstein's theory postulated that the universe is in fact a colossal water pump for the cooling system of a hypothetical n-dimensional 1969 Ford Fairlane".
A consortium of scientists from NASA, the European Space Agency, and that guy down the hall continue to study the photographs, hoping to find an answer to man's most basic questions about the cosmos, such as: is Certs a breath mint or a candy mint?
With new technology, scientists found out that the nine planets in our solar system are all made out of a tasty substance
Mercury consists of curry, it is the closest planet to the sun for a reason, the reason is, Cold Curry Is Disgusting!! Early astronomers had realized this ages before our modern technology, and therefore names it, meh-curry, which we thought was a reference to one of there gods, or something.
Venus is made of spaghetti bolagnase, a meal that god found rather tasty, but so did satan, and god had to hide his stash away on venus so that satan would not eat it. Venus was named venus by astrologers because oscar wilde once had a kitten called venus, but unfortunatly, it got huffed.
Earth is the only planet made of rock, god created it as a food store, like the other planets, but then found that rocks were inedible, and the lifeforms living on it were violent, and tasted vile. It is named after an astrologers mother, as the others thought it would be funny to say "your mum is as big as earth"
This is the planet on which god keeps his favourite chocolate bars, but as he is partly scottish, they are deep fried, ad need to stay near to the sun. Astrologers called it this as a typo, they meant to call it "Vlarrs" Because it sounded very sci-fi, but made a terrible mistake on their microsoft word very old version
This planet is made out of cake, cake is holy, and therefore needs the biggest planet to hold it's awesomeness. Astrologers named it jupiter, because they were stoned out of their minds when discovering it.
Saturn is made out of pancakes, astrologers were smart enough to come up with a witty name for this one, sa-turn, is a reference to how you flip a pancake whilst cooking it.
This is where god stores his jelly beans, as he, like basil brush, is very fond of them. It is named this because some smart arse astrologer when asked what shall we call this planet, responded YOUR ANUS which it was named, this same atrologer later tried to call venus mycock, but they didn't fall for that trick again
Where god keeps his lucosade, he needs energy for creating stuffs. This planet was named after neptune, the god of water, as the astrologer who named it really needed a piss.
This is where god keeps his choc-ice, it is far away from the sun, so's his yummy choc-ice doesn't melt. Astrologers named it this after mickey mouse's dog, don't ask me why, they just did. Please note that pluto is no longer a planet because it is too small, midgits are small, but they're still human, aren't they?
Many planets including earth are made of cheese, this is solid proof that the moon landing was faked, if they had been there we would be able to buy moon cheese in asda, but we can't, so it's faked.