Special oPerations Aerial and Reconnaissance Regiment Over Water
SPARROW units often pray on unsuspecting Fish and chip store owners in selfish attempts to steal various amounts of battered products.
SPARROW units can often be seen in towns near water where they pass of as cute, seemingly harmless sparrows (there is a legend which states this is how they got their name). But don't be fooled. These birds mean Business.
Sparrow units: What to look out for
Sparrow units generally attack in two waves. The first wave involves clever reconnaissance by specially trained sparrows (see right). These sparrows carefully scout out the area and assess it for potential dangers (these include hostile humans, dogs and off lemons).
Once the area has been deemed safe, a second wave of similar looking (they are only similar looking. Upon closer inspection it is easy to see that these units are much fatter than the recon units) units comes in to swipe the food.
The recon units generally wait until all human entities (hostile or not) leave the area before giving the all clear (usually a chirp) to the other units. This ensures maximum food at a minimal unit loss.
In extreme cases, the SPARROW generals will send in a large force of heavy artillery known as seagulls. These deadly units attack in large numbers often in the high 50's showing no mercy to their battered and salted opposition. These highly trained birds are not to be messed with. See 'survival tactics' for more information on how to survive against these deadly beasts.
How to survive
This is no easy task. SPARROW's show no mercy when it comes to destroying their enemies or other potential threats. However if you do happen to fall into the unfortunate situation of being near one of these fiends, here's what to do.
Surviving SPARROW recon units
For humans this is fairly easy, but it requires a lot of balls. Charge at the SPARROW recon units whilst screaming at the top of your lungs. The fish and chips however have a much harder job. Make sure you look like your moving. SPARROW's will not eat something if it is moving.
Surviving basic SPARROW units
For humans, just keep moving and you will be fine. The same applies here for fish and chips, however if you cannot move, squeeze some off lemon on to yourself. This will prevent any unwanted pecking.
Surviving SPARROW Heavy Artillery
Humans need to be very careful if they wish to survive, but it can be done. Always keep at least 1 eye on the group of enemies and slowly move away. Whatever you do, do not stand underneath the units. They have a toxic liquid valve underneath them that stings, burns and can cause extreme humiliation. For fish and chips, sorry you have no chance against these guys.