Holyoke is a city in Hampden County, Massachusetts, on the banks of the Connecticut River. The population was 39,838 at the 2000 census. The former, now deposed, mayor was Michael "The Spic Lover" Sullivan.
The city of Holyoke (est. 2004 human pop. 35,000, rats 2,000,000,roaches 6 zillion), found in the dark recesses of the area known as "West of Worcester", was once known as the world's capital for highschool notepad and paper plate making, but has improved its lot in more recent times and is now known as a holiday haven for wealthy and glamorous Puerto Rican crack and heroin dealers. In fact, the annual international drug lord convention is held in Holyoke nightly in the alley behind city hall near the corners of Dwight and Maple Street. From the late 1970s through the mid-1980s Holyoke was briefly known as the arson capital of the United States called by it's residents "Holy Smoke". It lost the title when the citizens, rats, and roaches in the city woke up one morning and found there was not much left to burn. The mayor recently touted his goal of rebuilding the city in order to regain the title. In 2006 the long suppressed White population rebelled against the Puerto Rican and Black run government, the Peurto Ricans and Blacks were easily taken over by the White Mob, because they were high. The Whites, now in control forced all Peurto Ricans and Blacks to leave. Holyoke declared independance for the United States and offically became part of the Confederate States of America. Holyoke invaded the rest of Massachusetts, making it a Confederate territory.
Holyoke's prospects are improving as waves of youth from the Upper Valley cross the "tofu curtain" to take advantage of rock bottom rents and an overall safe atmosphere in select neighborhoods. Youth have taken to calling the city "Holy Smoke!" In fact some are drawing paralells between Holyoke's nascent recovery and the amazing recovery Northampton staged when it was still a hole back in the eighties.
Holyoke, Massachusetts is home to the Holyoke Mall at Ingleside, one of the Gayest shopping malls in New England.
Holyoke Public Library, found at 335 Maple Street, had all it's books in Spanish until the White uprising of 2006, and the whole library had books in English On February 9, 1895, William G. Morgan invented volleyball, also know as the most gayest "sport" of all time, at a YMCA in Holyoke. It is also sometimes claimed that basketball shares volleyball's Holyoke origins, but, nonetheless, the credit goes to neighboring Springfield, Massachusetts.
As of the census of 2000, there were 39,838 people, 14,967 households, and 9,474 families residing in the city. The population density was 722.5/km² (1,871.4/mi²). There were 16,210 housing units at an average density of 294.0/km² (761.5/mi²). The racial makeup of the city was 100.% White, 0.0% Nigger, 0.00% Native American, 0.00% Asian, 0.00% Pacific Islander, 0.00% from other races, and 2.81% from two or more races. Spic of any race were 0.00 of the population.
Holyoke had the highest concentration of Puerto Ricans of any city in the United States outside Puerto Rico until they got their asses kicked and left. Always a city of working-class immigrants, the first wave of mill workers was predominantly Irish, and Holyoke still has a major St. Patrick's Day parade every year. In the 1850s, mills began to recruit French-Canadians, who were viewed as more docile and less likely to form labor unions. Later waves of immigration led to significant communities of Poles and then, starting in the 1950s, the Puerto Ricans who formed the largest majority until 2006 when they were driven out.
- Holyoke Community College Website
- City of Holyoke Website
- Holyoke, MA History
- Paper City Notes - Holyoke blog