Spinach

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Spinach.

Spinach is a green, leafy substance, noted most for its radioactive properties. When ingested orally, it causes the person to produce urine with a stench so foul that many have died upon inhalation. However, due to a mutation in the DNA of those carrying the gene Kappa-Kappa-Phi-32, some people have been found immune to its fatal properties. If an affected person inhales the toxic fumes, they will instead experience a euphoric high comparable to that of kitten huffing, with none of the consequences or side effects usually resulting from drug use. In fact, further research has led scientists to conclude that when a person who is immune to spinach piss "huffs" their urine, they will come down from their high healthier and stronger than before. Popular culture has glorified this effect in the children's cartoon Popeye, the Sailor Man.

History[edit]

Spinach has a very controversial background. Before marijuana was discovered by George Washington Carver, spinach was the most popular green plant on the planet. When the first atomic bomb was used by George William-the-conqueror Bush, the radiation altered the molecular properties of spinach, and soon spinach caused communist gains, primarily enabled by the great artists of the era (i.e. Fidel Castro).

Popeye soon emerged as the iconic spokesperson for spinach, and was adored by hundreds of disloyal fans. His chief adversary, Brutus, was best known for killing Julius Caesar, and repeated attempts of sexual assault upon Popeye's sister, the Virgin Olive Oil. Recently, the Jolly Green Giant has become the spokesperson after Popeye got mysteriously cancelled.

Modern Times[edit]

A recent example of spinach's importance in modern society is the 2006 E.coli outbreak among several tainted pieces of spinach in the United States. Apparently the main cause was infected cow shit on a ranch in California because they fed the cattle some kind of poisonous grain. 3 (yes, only three) people died in this top news story.== "The World's Most Evil Vegetable" == After the E. Coli outbreak, the mayor of a small town in California declared that spinach was "the world's most evil vegetable." Since making that declaration, the people of the town have declared a War on Spinach. They have killed many pieces thus far, and have clearly stated that it is their intent to kill every last piece of "that vile vegetable" left on planet Earth.

Unacceptable Uses[edit]

Spinach should not be used as a biological weapon or given away as an inheritance. The use of Spinach is housing was very popular in the mid 20th century as it was a cheap and malleable material. Since then however, it has been found to be highly inappropriate for wallpaper and tiling as it attracts the powerful Rhombus shrimp, which can only end in disaster. Shitting on spinach before eating it is also discouraged.

If a little girl (seven or less) eat's a lot of Spinach you can be 100% sure she will gow-up to be a Hot Chick (only really hot chicks dig Spinach), so don't wait until she turn 17, ask her for the date now! If a little girl don't eat spinach you can be sure she grow-out to be a midget.

Mixing illegal narcotics or any other Drugs in spinach is also discourage, as the purity of spinach will damage the quality of the drug.

Contrary to popular video game belief, spinach, despite it's holiness, will not bring Aeris back. She's dead. Deal with it.

The Spinach Clan[edit]

There is a clan in the little island of Gabuki. This clan worships the art of spinach. They have their own spinach anthem and weapons. Be careful not to come across these deadly warriors. If you ever do hit them with vinegar.

See Also[edit]