Stand-up comedy

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Or you could forget all this nonsense and grown a Moustache.

Stand-up comedy is the art of making a room full of drunk people laugh without getting your penis out. A person who specializes in stand-up comedy is called a stand-up comic.

Observational Comedy[edit]

The aim of observational comedy is to just basically just tell people about your life and hope that your existence is sufficiently shit to make people laugh.

Example[edit]

"You know when you get on the bus and they say correct change only. And you look in your pockets and all you got is a five pound note. And the driver says sorry man you can only come on if you've got correct change. All you got is this fiver man. YOU'RE COMPLETELY OUT OF CHANGE."

History[edit]

Observation comedy is not a new format. It's been looking at stuff WE ALL KNOW IS TRUE for at least a thousand years (which is a really long time...isn't it?....Isn't a thousand years just a REALLY long time...isn't it, ISN'T IT?).

William the Conqueror, that fine French Pom-kicker of the eleventh century used to perform routines to warm up his men. Some of these are recorded in the appendix of the Dooms Day Book.

‘…and I’m like Harold mate…let’s just shake hands and forget all this animosity…and he’s like, ‘I’ve got a fucking arrow in my eye.’…and I pulled it out and he died….it’s like…you know….never happy!’

Swearing[edit]

If you are one of those people who have unfortunately been born not funny do not dispair, you could still make it in Stand-up by constantly swearing.

Example[edit]

Fucking women eh? I fucked one the other night in the cunt. She was so fucking horny. Horny as shit. What a crazy fucking loud fucking fucked up cunt of a fucking bitch. Fuck the fucking fuck eh? eh? FUCK FUCK FUCK.