Star Wars Grues
“HATE HAET HAT!”
“Luke, I am you dinner!”
“I thought those bear things were grues. Boy, was I wrong.”
Star Wars Grues are a subspecies of Grues, a monster prone to eating human beings. For further information on the aspect of grue entirely, click here. Grues are adept in little or no light, making them hard to detect during the middle of the day. These guys won't be there, so you won't see them. In fact, unless you have night vision, you won't see any grues at all because they are in the dark. These Star Wars Grues, however, have been known to appear in dim light - perfect for hunting.
- 1 Star Wars Grue Habitats
- 2 Star Wars Grue Conspiracies
- 3 Star Wars Grue Equipment
- 4 Characters
- 5 Planets
- 6 Movies
- 7 Othe Ridiculous Star Wars Grues Stuff and Facts
- 8 END
Star Wars Grue Habitats
The habitats for these unique and interesting species is really one of the most bland things you can ever think of. DARK. That's all it is. Not light, DARK. It is really quite strange; other grues live in the DARK too, but this species is completely
boring and stupid. I don't know why I'm even writing this article they're so boring different and unique and insanely interesting. These grues have appeared in dim light. Or so we think. All of the people who have claimed to see grues are now stored safely away in the stomach of the grue that they spotted. The grues know you are watching and eat you. You die. You scream. You die again. That's what happens if you see a grue. These grues have appeared in the dim light for reasons unknown. Alex santos from Portugal is a new creature evolved from the monkey. He is a rare specie that has has to be treated gently as he has anger and mental problems.
Star Wars Grue Conspiracies
The grues in Star Grues have all of the conspiracies of the regular Star Wars. Stuff with bad guys and good guys, and Empires and stuff like that.
The grue jedi are people who have "special powers" organized into one universal police department. The "special" people were shoved into the department because they were not accepted anywhere else. So for all of you kids out there, jedis are freaks. Still, they do some serious Pwning of bad people. They whoop their asses with lightsabers and the force and stuff. They are awesome freaks. But they are freaks. Remember that now. And also remember that grue jedi are on the Bright Side. That is important.
The grue sith are the archenemies of the Jedi. They are meany-pants. They kill some real good Jedi though. Sometimes they get Pwn3d, but sometimes they Pwn. And they have red lightsaber blades. Not so cool. But they are evil and they are not cool. They are the trouble in the universe. Meanies.
Republic of the Grues
This is a grue republic that is run by grues. It has grues and aliens from other planets, but the aliens always get eaten. Losers. Still, it is an organized government system that is pretty weak. It sucks. Only planets close to Grueascant are a part of it. And it doesn't Pwn that much until it gets its clones.
The Grue Rebellion (The Grue Alliance)
This is the organized group of people who try to take the down the Grue Empire. They are small and should stand no chance against that big kick-ass empire, but they still Pwn and get Pwn3d by the Empire. The Rebs are exclusively grues, and no aliens. So they don't eat eachother.
The Grue Empire
The Grue Empire is the first ever empire that controlled a galaxy. The first. It's pretty big and powerful , too. They have a whole lot of grues. And you would think that it would not be stopped by some stupid band of rebels. If you think that you're wrong. Those Rebel people whooped them in just like five years or something. LAME. They have some huge army and then get beaten by a jedi and some starships? You're kidding me.
Star Wars Grue Equipment
The grues have all of the Star Wars equipment from the gay-ass movies. Blaster, lightsabers, chainsaws, you name it, these grues got it. Each weapon thing has a story, these grues wrote them down on a rock. We picked it up with out them seeing us so we have no injured men and a shit-load of information.
Ahh, lightsabers. The poster-boy of all star wars equipment. Well, these grues managed to get some make some, or burn some. They just some how got the controlled beams of pure energy coming out of a small hand held device. We don't know how the hell they did it, but this is what it said:
The lightsabers were upon us, as if the Uncyclopedia God himself gifted us with such useful devices. May the almighty god bless us, for these weapons have brought us war and free humans. We no longer have to strangle, bite, rape, confuse, murder, burn, wax, or throw things at humans, all we do is stab. Thank you almighty lord.
And so the grues had lightsabers. All we got out of that shit was that they had a lightsaber, and that they have a god. From Uncyclopedia. Whatever that is. Still, they have Pwn3d three humans with lightsabers and are sentenced to a life term in jail. They Pwn you whether you like it or not.
Grues, much like the Jedi and the Sith in the star wars series have the schwartz. I mean force. Anyway, they use it to manipulate things. Move them, crush them, eat them, anything. These grues are prone to crushing each others windpipes with the Grue Force. Their are two sides to the grue force. The Bright side, and the Dim side. Dim side = bad. Like the Sith. So watch out. These grues will eat you. And Pwn you. And use the Grue force. That's the way they roll.
SO these grues had the blasters. For those of you who don't know what blasters are, Uncyclopedia doesn't have an article on it, so your screwed. Any way, blasters are the guns of star wars and shoot some red light stuff out of themselves. People die from it so it must be some sort of laser thing that I don't know about. Whatever. These grues got them one day and wrote a shit-load of pointless stuff about not blasters. They merely mentioned having blasters in one sentence of some college thesis thing. So now we think they have blasters.
What could they use it for? Perhaps killing things, like the lightsaber, or killing each other for reasons unknown. Perhaps they use them for sport, like bear hunting and hippo hunting and rat hunting. Or maybe the females use them as some sort of dildo. Fuck, we don't know.
These grues had their star ships to fly around in, but since they can't leave the dark, they don't use them. The grue would Pwn you if they did use them, but they still Pwn you anyway because you are human, or alien, so you are automatically Pwned by the grues. Their star ships are the mobile Q-Wing, a lesser known model never seen, heard, or smelled during the Star Wars movies, comics, cups, action figures, books or whatever. Still, grues Pwn you no matter what.
The Death Grue is the Death Star in grue version. It blows up many planets, including Alderrgrue and Dantgrueine. It has planet crushing capabilities in seconds. It is like a giant ball of grue in space. It was made by grues, for grues. It is the ultimate Grue Space Station. This Death Grue Pwns planets everyday. If you are a planet you will get Pwned.
The popular starship belonging to Han Gruelo is the Millennium Grue. Said to be the fastest ship in the galaxy, this old junky piece of shit is in all of the Star Grues movies in the original trilogy. Often made fun of because of it's shitty appearance, this ship makes up for it in the movies.
And the grues also have the super chainsaws. They have appeared in Star Wars Episode...... uhhh..... None. Well, I guess their are no chainsaws in Star Wars, but the Grues still have them. Tehy Pwn things with the cahinsaws. They chop people into tiny bits. They eat you without using the chainsaw. YOU ARE DEAD
The Star Wars Grues are everywhere. They are in your drawer. In your bed. They are in you. You are in them. The reason they are in your bed and you don't know it is because they look like Star Wars dolls. Perfectly camouflaged. They will eat you. They are hidden.
Luke Skygrue is just another Star Wars Grue. His star wars look-a-like is Luke Skywalker, therefore he was named Luke Skygrue.
Pretty catchy, eh? Still, this guy has his cool lightsabers and is in almost every Star Grues movie. He is main character numero uno. He is important. But he got hungry because there were no humans to eat. But their were aliens. So he ate them. Still, He is uber important in the Star Grues movies. And he likes to eat you.
Darth Grue is the grue replica of Darth Vader. Equipped with a red lightsaber blade, Derth Grue is strong with the Dim Side of the Grue force. He has a tendency to randomly choke an innocent passer by using the grue force. He works for Emperor Grueatine, the leader of the Grueactic Empire. And he is always very hungry for human flesh so... watch out. He is the "tip of the grue", if you know what the hell I mean (I sure don't).
Obi-Wan Grue is yet another famous Star Wars Parody. Modeling for star wars character Obi-Wan Kenobi, this Obi-Wan also has a blue lightsaber. He eats you every day. Once a member of the acclaimed Grue Council, the equivalent of the Jedi Council, He is a famed Grue Jedi, and a survivor of the Grue Purge (aka: Order 66). Now a glowing ghost thing, Obi-Wan had lived his life to the fullest, but when death was looking him straight in the eye, he gave up what he was doing and let himself get killed. What a fucker.
Princess Grue, perhaps the only female in the Grue Wars original trilogy, is one stubborn-ass rebel. She holds up tight against Darth Grue's interrogation and has a tough mind. She is Princess Leia's evil twin. Following the exact same things that happen to Leia in the real Star Wars in the Grue Wars movies. Except for the fact that she eats humans.
Han Gruelo, known as Han Solo to many, is a smuggler in the Grue Wars series. He doesn't Pwn too many people, but still Pwns a couple of stormgruepers. He is Friends with Luke and the Princess, and likes to give them rides on his Millinium Grue. He is some retard suck-up trying to impress the Princess, which eventually works in episode VI. What a lard-ass.
Gruebacca is some giant dog thing. OR at least that is what he looks like. He's fucking scary, especially when he makes tat weird noise. God I almost pissed my pants. Anyway, he is Han Gruelo's best friend, and the remake of Chewbacca. A prettty good pet, I would say. He can fly the Millennium Grue. That's one helluva dog. And to feed him, Han Gruelo has to constantly supply him with other humans so he doesn't get eaten. Fun.
Grue Yoda is the copy of the lovable Yoda, the small, green, wrinkly, and grammar mistake making Jedi everybody loves. But nobody loves Grue Yoda. He is Vicious. He likes to eat other grues. Not humans. Grues. So he is isolated. But he has a green lightsaber blade, the best of them all. He was a Jedi Grue Master in his day, strong with the Grue Force. But he couldn't score any chicks because he was so damn OLD. But who gives? He Pwn3d people in his day.
C-3PGRUE is a smart-ass protocol droid that can't Pwn anyone at all. He often runs in terror and follows his friend R2-Grue2, using all of that droids ideas. He is the same as the inspiration for him, C-3PO, a complete and total wuss.
R2-Grue2 is another droid, but way better than C-3PGRUE. He actually Pwns people. He has a saw and a zapper thing. While his friend up their was having his eye taken out, R2 here ran up and zapped the culprit, completely PWNING him. This is one kick-ass robot. He Pwns everything. He even has the brains, too. That doofus up their keeps blabbing away about some random shit and R2 saves the day. How much better can you get? I mean that loser above sucks balls., and this guy doesn't. Enough said.
Emperor Grueatine, the Emperor of the Grueactic Empire, is an Emperor. You can tell he's and Emperor because he is called "Emperor". And he is based off an Emperor.Once, however, long before, he was not an Emperor, but a mere senator. Then he became chancellor, and declared himself Emperor. What a life. But the thing is, he is evil. On the Dim side of the Grue Force, He is Darth Grue's master. He Pwns a lot of people, too. And then he eats them. He has killed a lot of Jedi and has killed any competitors to him. HE PWNS!
Stormgruepers are the soldiers of the Grueactic Empire. They are strangely similar to Stormtroopers. Mass produced as clones, these soldiers are well trained and well equiped. They do Pwn a lot of people, but still get Pwn3d A LOT. They produce
them in the millions for a reason. Many of them die off in a second. What losers. They do get lots of kills, but they get Pwn3d real bad some times. They have cool clothes, though. People like to call them "white-trash". HA. And they have blasters. I guess they shoot people or something. Or they could just eat people. Whatever.
Anakin Skygrue is some stupid, innocent-looking boy. Based of of Anakin Skywalker, this little dickwad is some arrogant bitch, and a bad actor. He tries to impress Padme, which leads him to go to them dim side. From that point on he is Darth Grue. Wallah. And he didn't Pwn that good either. He killed some people but Pwn3d a lot better after he became Darth Grue. And he found dogs tasty. Like Gruebacca.
This Padme girl is the only girl in the Second trilogy of Star Grues. That Anakin guy falls in love with her and they get it on and have some twins, but she dies when giving birth. She's such a slut. Like Padme Amidalla in the real Star Wars. Slut central.
Jar-Jar Grue, the look a like of Star Wars phylactery Jar-Jar Binks, is a grue, just like everyone else. He is the one who appears in dim light the most. He is too stupid to Pwn anyone, other people get food for him. He is a slacker and gets the least respect of anyone. What a dickwod.
Mace Windgrue is yet another Jedi. Based off of Star Wars superstar Mace Windu, this grue has a purple lightsaber and excels with the force.
Known by man as the greatest lighsaber weilder of all time, this guy Pwns evryone in sight. The only reason he got beaten is because he was betrayed by Anakin. I'm telling you, that kid is screwed up in the mind. But Mace isn't. He Pwns really good and wants to eat you. And win at everything. He is good at that. He is good at eating you too.
In the Star Grues galaxy, there are planets that are strangely and eerily similar to those found in the Star Wars galaxy.
Tatgrueine is a ball of sand, dirt, and rock. Home to Luke Skygrue, this planet does not Pwn at all. There are a lot of slaves, however. And the plane looks exactly like Tatooine from Star Wars... But who cares. On this planet, grues make a living by farming for moisture. That fucking sucks.
Grueascant is the planet based off of Coruscant, a planet that is all one city. It's even bigger than Tokyo, NYC, and Funkytown. This planet is the complete center of the universe, therefore Pwning the other planets. Despite being heavily polluted, grues of all sorts still love the planet.
Nagrue is basically a giant pasture of
dirt, shit, and things like that rolling hills, and Rolling Stone, and picturesque plains with twinkling waterfalls. How fucking boring. Seriously! Sit and enjoy the scenery your whole life. Just like Naboo. "Beautiful Landscape" my ass. What a sucking planet to be on.
Grueanosis is another planet. Duh. It is like Tatgrueine, because all it is is desert, rock, dirt, and sand. But this planet has weird bug fly alien things. They aren't grues. So the grues eat them. And that is where that massive Jedi vs droid battle thing was. on Geonosis! The two sound kind of similar...
Gruestafar is like the volcanic planet Mustafar in the star wars series. Practically no one is o the planet. No grues go there. Only some weird miner people who mine rock and ores and shit. But no one cares about them. So I don't even know why I made a section for this planet.
Gruevin 4, the forth cousin of a star wars moon Yavin 4, is a planet with jungles on it. That's were rebel grues hide for a while until they are discovered. They were stupid enough to let themselves get tracked so the empire followed them. And then they sent fighter things to blow up the Death Grue. And that's it for Gruevin 4.
This planet is the planet that is really a giant ice cube. It is strangely similar to Hoth, another freezing planet. It has almost no life, except for when the Grue Rebellion was there. And then there was about 30 people on the planet. It is pretty damn boring.
Grue Bespin is just another planet out there. It is made mostly of gasses, just like Bespin. I wish the gasses were carbon dioxide and chloride ga and mustard gas. That would be fun. But this planet is really lame because there are cities way up high called Cloud cities. The grues are in those cities, so don't go there or you will be eaten.
Endgror is just like the Canadian forests -- except a whole planet of them. Grues usually aren't on this planet. And there are Ewoks, those cute bear things. And the place is like Endor. And there is no one on it until the Grue Empire builds the generator on it. And then the grues eat the Ewoks.
Of course, the grues couldn't be star wars without some movies. So they made movies. And, being complete biters, called the movies Star Grues. They made six, just like the real Star Wars. And they followed the plot, the characters, etc, etc...
Star Grues Episode I: The Phantom Grue
In these movies there are grues, with all of the stuff before. The grues eat aliens, but still somehow follow this story line. So they go around on some planets and do some stuff. This movie was never shown in theaters, and is only available on VHS. It got 27.86 University awards and Silver Globes, though. So the movie was good. But then again, only the Star Grues movies were nominated. Oh well.
Star Grues Episode II: Attack of the Grues
This movie was like the first one, except it was on HDVD, instead of VHS. It got 24 University Awards and Silver Globes. Not to mention it was almost entirely computer animated. Even Grue Yoda was, completely ruing the Star Grues series. Technology ruined this movie.
Star Grues Episode III: Revenge of the Grues
This movie was a lame movie, being exactly the same as this moive. A complete B movie. What made it really suck is the fact that no Grues ate anything. Complete acting. Everyone hated it. But only two people saw it anyway. And it didn't get nominated for any University Award or Silver Globe. That movie sucked like shit.
Star Grues Episode IV: A New Grue
This movie was the first movie aired and a complete blockbuster. By far the best movie of them all, this movie racked in 586 University Awards and Silver Globes, including the most aliens eaten in one movie award, best supporter of the supporting male grue acting thing who ate the most aliens with sunglasses on, and the best movie award. Having made a lasting impression on people, prequels and sequels were based off this movie.
Star Grues Episode V: The Grue Strikes Back
Movie number 2, episode 5. That's what this is. It came up third in most awards, having taken 221 University Awards and Silver Globes. It was a pretty good movie, having crushed the box office in response to the first movie, leaving many disappointed. However, this is my favorite Star Grues movie. It has Grue Yado and Grue Hoth and Darth Grue says he is Luke SkyGrues Father. Pretty awesome.
Star Grues Episode VI: The Return of the Grue
This was movie number three, episode six, and second in Awards, with 496 Universities and Globes. Yeah, this was the last Star Grues for a while until Episode I, which destroyed the series. Still, this movie was obviously good, hence all of it's awards.
Othe Ridiculous Star Wars Grues Stuff and Facts
After the movies, the Star Wars Grues were practically celebrities. But when people tried to get pictures of them, they were eaten. So it sucks for them. Still, the movies meant products, which means coffee mugs, pillows blankets, action figures, dolls, shirts, books, amusement park rides, posters, collecters' galore crap, etc, etc. The impact these movies made on their veiwers was unbelievable.
Did you know that...
All squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares?
In the production of Star Grues Episode II: Attack of the Grues, The grue actor playing Anakin Skygrue was eaten by Grue Yoda, so executive producer Grue Lucas had to computer animate Anakin?
Luke is Darth Grue's dinner?
More Fun Facts!
- A fool and his money are soon parted.
- A innocent uncyclopedian came up with the ideas of Star Wars Grues, made an article on a humor wiki on them, and then told producers about the movies.
- You are reading this sentence.
- 20 ducks were used in the production of the Star Grues movies.
- 50 people hate this article
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