Static-X

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Static-X
Origins Los Angeles (see also: Global Warming)
Years Active Before - Now
Genre(s) Industrial Metal
Labels "Goth" sometimes "Hardcore/Extreme"
Members Very long






Static-X is a heavy metal band best known for spikey hair, godlessness, and subliminally endorsing beef snack products.

Band Members[edit]

Wayne Static[edit]

Rythm guitar and what you might call vocals

Born Mike Oxhard, Wayne is a Danish Vampire who migrated to the U.S. about 130 years ago. He became interested in music around the time it was invented. He proclaims that he uses music to express his inner little girl. He later digressed, admitting it was he who was inside the little girl...emotionaly.

Krotchy Fuckuduh[edit]

Lead guitar and lead butt hole for gay butt sex

Fuckda's name is sometimes mispronounced as 'Koichi Fukuda'. He is Asian. He does Asian things like eating rice, and ninjutsu. The only non-asian thing he has ever done was Impregnating a white woman, which is incidentally the blackest thing he has ever done.

Other Two Dudes[edit]

One is a drummer and the other is a bassist

The Other Band Members are just holograms created by Sony that the band perchased because there were no other good heavy metal musicians left (This was the late 90's remember). They nicknamed the bass player hologram 'Tony', and the drummer hologram 'Nick'.

History[edit]

Early History[edit]

Wayne Static, met Krotchy Fuckuduh in a Toronto gay bar in 1993 while fleeing from american government agents after he was caught eating a dead jewish baby. The two sharred an interest in black men, and got to know eachother from an informal conversation during their visit. As they were about to depart home to masturbate furiously, Static reportedly asked Fuckuduh if he would like to "take out his homosexual aggression in the form of music instead?", to which Fuckuduh accepted, thus forming "Static-X"

According to an interview with Static by Batman, the 'Static' in Static-X comes from his name, while the "X" comes from the Symbol Fuckuduh's grandparents had to wear during WWII while in the Japanese concentration camps.

Krotchy leaves...Then comes back[edit]

Krotchy left the band in 1994.5 to pursue a dry cleaning career. He came crawling back when he realized it's pay was no where near as good as the minimum wage he was receiving in the band. This earned him the nickname 'Boomerang'. The next day, they stopped calling him 'Boomerang' because of it's gayness.

Catholic Church Fall-out[edit]

In 2001, the Catholic Church got into a PMS fit over Static-X because they had nothing better to do. A priest publicly accused Static-X of brainwashing children (ironically) on the Oprah Winfrey show, to which a Static-X fan in the audience replied "oh yeah? well fuck you man!". He procceded to throw a grenade he fashioned out of a dead puppy carcass, fortunately no one was killed as it was a dud, except for the guy who threw the puppy grenade, Oprah shot him in the face.

Recent Years[edit]

Static-X no longer makes music, they instead record the noises of Wayne having enduced seizures. They add a drum track from one of their previous songs, and occasionally a noise that vaguely resembles an electric guitar.

Discography[edit]

Montana Death Trip[edit]

  1. Poo shit
  2. I am stupid
  3. Puked for days
  4. Huge dump
  5. I'am...(thats it)
  6. Otsurcumcision
  7. Sperm
  8. Smoke up that bud
  9. Can't fix stupid
  10. Montana death trip
  11. Your mom is the motion
  12. November
  13. Up
Wayne Static, circa 1994.

Machines[edit]

  1. I passed 7th grade spanish
  2. Get to the gone, bitch
  3. Performance
  4. Niggers and crackers
  5. He is hot
  6. Sega undead
  7. Chilly
  8. Structural defecation
  9. ...Douchebag
  10. Ow i just burned myself, fuck
  11. Sex toyz
  12. A dildo, Persian paradise

Shadow the Hedgehog[edit]

  1. Kaboom
  2. Spank it
  3. New pain (Virgin no more)
  4. Shadow the Hedgehog
  5. Hollywood
  6. Monster, inc.
  7. The only testicle left
  8. Mame and tourture your idols
  9. All your wait are belong to us
  10. Otsegorific
  11. So suck it already!
  12. Fucking 'Fords'!
  13. Invisable (Its that small)
  14. Gimme gimme shock treatment (bonus track - Canada only)

Pick a Fight[edit]

  1. Arch-Enemy
  2. "I'am number one!"
  3. Pick a fight
  4. Reese's pieces
  5. Trailor
  6. Paris Hilton
  7. Justin Case
  8. Turn it off
  9. I want to fucking date it
  10. Michael Jackson
  11. Otsego the spic
  12. God damn it
  13. Brain clog

Hannibal[edit]

  1. Hannibal
  2. Erotic position
  3. Bohemoth (If you know what I mean)
  4. Chemistry Sux
  5. Chuck Norris
  6. Sixty-nine ways
  7. Bong-o-matic
  8. Cuts my wrist (Emo)
  9. Godzilla
  10. Vibrator
  11. Atheists
  12. Christians

Trivia[edit]

Wayne in his new apartment, he relocated due to a drop in their recent record sales.
  • Wayne was the first recorded man to commit 1st degree assault using his own hair.
  • No one has ever seen either of Wayne's nipples.
  • The bassist hologram is based on a computer simulation of exactly how the average American man appears.
  • The drummer hologram occasionally clitches and appears as Ann Coulter for periods of time.
  • Wayne Static has spikey hair
  • Wayne is a theistic-atheist
  • I had sex with Tripp Eisen back when he was the bassist. He was so good I still never remember to put on underwear.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]