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In the Holy Bible, Steve (Hebrew Stev, meaning "totally kewl dude") was the bestest friend and life-long soulmate of Adam. Steve is French for "Super Cool", Spanish for "Chicken Fried Rice", Elvish for "That is one cool guy" and Klingon for "Chick repellent"

Genesis 2.5[edit]

According to Genesis 2.5, God noticed that Adam was very lonely, what with having been deprived of any semblance of childhood, and having no recourse to beer, and wanking not having been invented yet. And God also noticed that the man had no apparent interest in the other animals, other than barbecuing them, which was highly illegal at the time.

So God cast a level-666 spell of sleep upon Adam, removed one of his stem cells, and recast it into the shape of a man just like Adam, albeit somewhat of a less huskier build and different hair style and a bit more athletically inclined. And Adam awoke from his slumber and beheld the other man, and called his name "Steve" and said "Truly, this Steeeeeeeve guy is flesh of my flesh, and is a totally kewl dude with which to hang out with, and maybe even go out on very long fishing trips together, which wouldst foster a healthy dynamic of male-pattern bonding betwixt us."[1]

Adam and Steve in Paradise[edit]

And God beheld Adam and Steve as they shared many fun and delightful moments of rugged manly activities such as nature-hiking and rock-climbing and cattle-rustling and attending local sporting events and taking in picturesque sunsets and going out on very long fishing trips together. And they were totally naked[2], which felt kinda weird, especially when one or the other inadvertently got a kitchen. And God commanded Adam and Steve to stay the hell away from the strip club, which was conveniently located in the midst of Paradise on the corner of 47th and Maplewood. It was hard to stay away from the strip club for Steve and Adam. But when they finally said "Fuck thy lord" which is a famous quote from Adam, they went to the strip club which they never returned until a couple of minutes later.

Steve gets some competition[edit]

Now the Serpent was evil incarnate[3], and he could talk as well[4], so he enticed Adam to partake of the sinful pleasures of the Nudie Bar which was headlining Eve, a famous stripper from Tijuana with gargantuan hooters. adam landed eve and steve was left to have sex with a pickle. adam then thought this was pretty weird and left him all alone.

list of things steve has had sex with[edit]

  • a pair of shoes
  • 2 chairs
  • a clock
  • a large fish, perhaps a bass or trout
  • a pickle
  • a random mob of squirrels
  • he has been reported to shove a corn cob up his ass

Steve's Project[edit]

This is the van him and Cartmen would travel around in to get it's earliest follows some of the first were Marilyn Manson, Kenny and Bruce Willis

Later, Steve turned his back on his creator and started a program to get Eric Cartman to endorse Satanism. The program started small but became huge once Cartman said they should have punch and pie for there meetings. It is still a program going strong to this day. And is quite fun.

Steve Today[edit]

Steve is still alive and well today. Him and Adam still go on fishing trips every other weekend. The program him and Cartmen started made him a shit load of money which he retired with. He is living with his wife somewhere in Ohio.

Hobbit Feet and Hair Pants[edit]

Steve started a band after retiring called Hobbit Feet and Hair Pants they were a folky jazz-fusion funk band with alt rock influences. They made it huge with such huge singles as "Real Men Pee In The Dark", "Your Iron Vibrator", "Muffin Sack" and "Join The Program and get punch and pie" after a few short years and 37million dollers they suddenly broke up.

Popular Steveisms[edit]

  • "No I'm Steve you're Kyle!"
  • "Get off my property!"
  • "It's not different at all, is it Steve?"
  • "Why do you have a microphone?"
  • "I have a posse that I pay $15 weekly and I will sic them on you."
  • "hello my name is Steve and you better remember it!"
  • "Don't you forsake the almighty Steve!"
  • "You Steve!"
  • "I don't care about that, dude."
  • "C'mon, dude!"
  • "Steve Is god!"
  • "No no no Adam and I were just getting warm."
  • "What do you mean you didn't finish the job?"
  • "Join my program we have punch and pie"
  • "It's cold as all hell in here"
  • "Wheres my money?"
  • "Wink, Wink"
  • "I'll try anything once...okay twice."
  • "Where's my tupperware?!"
  • "Steve is TheChumpLord!"


  2. Ibid.
  3. Ibid.
  4. Ibid.

giggity giggity goo

See also[edit]