Steven "Wrongway" Fosset is (was) an American billionaire, adventurer, playboy, champion competitive eater and first gay man on the moon. His life is a tragic melodrama of lies, deceit, backstabery and chronic hemorrhoid pain.
Birth and Upbringing
Steven Fosset (born Stephan Pierre Faucette) was born in Brussels, Belgium in 1897 to Portuguese shoemaker Ricardo Heyyouguy and French prostitute Missy Faucette. From a young age he displayed tremendous ability to hold his poop/pee which would be of great facility to him later in life as he spent hours and days aloft in aircraft or huddled alone in the alley behind dirty book stores.
His miss-spent Youth
Steve Fosset spent his youth at the crossroads, where he sold his soul to the devil and lesser demons in exchange for his unparalleled business acumen and the occasional brief respite from his burning ass pain. He undertook his first adventures driving without a seatbelt and running both with and without scissors.
Steve Fosset studied under Prof. Indiana Jones at the university of Chicago, later obtaining his masters and eventually PHD in general adventursomeness under Dr. Jones’s then rival: Frenchman Rene Belloc. Steve "Drippy" Fosset was a favorite at frat parties and his signature catch phrase "MY ASS IS A BURNIN'!" could be heard at bars and mixers across the mid-west.
A Business Mogul
Steve Fosset made his first fortune selling crack under the street name "Hand-grenade", occasionally MCing local house parties under the alias "Dr. S.F. Hand-grizinades" It is even rumored that Eleanor Roosevelt was a regular at his shows during this period, as several pairs of monogrammed presidential panties in the official Steven Fosset museum bear witness.
During the late 40's Steve Fosset became a rap icon and household name with his "Amelia Earhart: I banged the Bitch" LP which went double platinum.
Following the yellow brick road of countless eccentric billionaires before him, Steve Fosset set off on a string of adventures and endurance related escapades which would make him famous. He became the first man to free-dive Marilyn Monroe's ass during the Kennedy years, quickly following up with his stunning victory of the 1972 Ho Chi Mihn Marathon, becoming the first white American to hold the coveted Charlie Cup. His first competitive eating victory came shortly after, when he broke the longstanding record of baseball legend Babe Ruth, eating more of his namesake chocolate peanut candy bar in a single sitting than the bambino himself. Legend has it, he celebrated his victory by buying the burial plot of Babe Ruth, digging him up and forcing the lifeless corpse to watch a video of the event repeatedly, only breaking the silence by whispering "in your face baaaaabe" to the unresponsive cadaver during commercial breaks.
In early September 2007, the now world famous adventurer faced his first major setback (since being dropped as vice presidential candidate by Ross Perot) when his plane crashed behind enemy lines in the southern Californian no man's land. The last radio message received by ground control was a garbled "Will someone... make me a sandwich?". Since his disappearance Rebel scouts and Imperial walkers alike have been combing the wilderness. Many bothans lost their lives trying to save the brave leader Steven "Darklighter" Fosset.
Lets face it, Steve Fosset is most likely dead. But his spirit will live on in the hearts and minds of all believers and Ron Jeremy, to whom he is indebted nearly $4,000.