Stick poking

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Stick Poking is an American pastime that has been going on for centuries. It basically involves people poking things with sticks when they have nothing else to do. No wonder it's so popular!

History of stick poking[edit]

Poking things with sticks traces back to something-million years ago, right after the extinction of the dinosaurs. It began when a caveman got a stick and starting poking dinosaur corpses. Another caveman saw this and wanted to play. Unfortunately, he didn't have a stick so he tried to steal the stick from the other caveman, so the caveman impaled the stick into the other caveman's brain, killing him. The caveman then started poking the freshly killed body.

Things that are poked with sticks[edit]

Before poking something with a stick, you must decide WHAT to poke. Then you should consider if it is worthy to be poked at all (usually it is). After that, go ahead and poke it.

There are two main kinds of things that are poked by sticks. There is Kind A (Things that jiggle) and Kind B (things that stay still). There are also things that can have a devastating effect on you and/or others unless you avoid poking them. Here is a list of things from each category.

Kind A[edit]

  • Bouncy castles

Kind B[edit]

  • Dead things
  • Sleeping people
  • Drunk guys who have passed out
  • Dead sloths
  • Beached whales again
  • Boring people who stay still and don't give a damn about you poking them

Things you should never poke with sticks[edit]

  • Not-fat people

Types of sticks used[edit]

There are different kinds of sticks used for poking. Stuff will happen to the things you poke depending on which stick you choose. Below is a list of the different kinds of poking sticks and information about them.

  • Common sticks: The most commonly used stick. It can be found in trees and on the ground.
  • Pointy sticks: Sticks that are pointy. Commonly used for things in Kind A. They will make fat things jump and fatter things explode.
  • Sticks on a stick: Sticks attached to another stick. You can poke multiple things at the same time.
  • Burning sticks: Sticks that have been heated by fire. Makes things that you poke jump and scream. They also leave a mark.
  • Bloody head on a stick: A very rare and sought after object.

Famous stick pokers[edit]

A few people have become very famous for poking things with sticks. Perhaps the most famous of these is Steve Irwin, who is legendary for poking crocodiles and other dangerous animals with sticks. Farmer Brown is also widely accredited for stick-poking lots of cows. Even the great Jason Voorhees has been known to poke the bodies of people he kills.

Some guy has been featured in The Guinness Book of Records for highest number of pokes. He is shown to have poked a sleeping mutant walrus 2000,500,21 times before it exploded. A Sumo Wrestler has also been featured for Most times to be poked with a stick, having been poked 1000,800,10 times and counting. Many Sumo Wrestlers have been trying to beat this record, but all of them exploded upon the hundredth poke. How does he do it?

Other uses for sticks[edit]

Sticks can be used for other fun activities besides poking things. Here is a list of what ELSE you could do with sticks:

  • Whacking fat people in the butt
  • Impaling a severed head to it
  • Impaling a severed head to it and roasting it over a fire
  • Placing nails on the end and then smacking people with it