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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Stickybeard.

Stickybeard began his career as a ditch digger after being a hobo most of his teenage years for not doing his schoolwork. One day he was struck by lightning and ended up on the S. S. Diarrhoea as the cook.

He grew a beard and refused to wash it, because it would be bad luck. His beard became sticky from all the high sugar candy he ate that he bought from the UK. Hence he was called Stickybeard.

The crew got upset at him, they claimed he poisoned their food, and that his hygiene was terrible. So Stickybeard was thrown overboard, and then picked up by the S. S. Haliotosis where he staged a mutiny and took over the ship with a bunch of other Liberal Pirates using latex rubbers.

Eventually Stickybeard was captured by the heroic actions of Admiral Pip Pip Nelson and Admiral Pip Pip Pip Bird of the Pip Navy who signify rank by adding Pips to their names.

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