Stockholm

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Official flag of Stockholm, the "None-star IKEA Banner".

Stockholm (or "Cockhome", as most people cluelessly refer to it), is probably a city, probably in Sweden, Stockholm IS the main city of the ostrogothian plains formerly known as Upper northside Europe and also houses many of the fine ministries that makes it such a fine capital. Amongst the artifacts kept in the vaults of Stockholm are none known of since Swedish law declares that archeology should be suspended until someone or something cool dies, lest it would loose all it's funding. Stockholm has over the years expanded beyond it's borders and currently houses roughly 200 000 pidgeons, many of whom lacks the common eagle genome found in the standard Euro pigeon, the reason behind that is the lack of gaybars in the suburban areas.

Stockholms history predates most american towns as it isn't an American town, Stockholm is old, almost as old as Jesus. Stockholm became the city it is today back in the days when men were men; the 80´s. Founded on the principle of free everything and death to privacy, the law wich granted stockholm it's city rights came into being. "The law of piss where you want to and here have a hotdog" but by 1974 refugees from the war in balkans and the napoleonic wars had stretched Stockholms urine absorbing capacity to the maximum and piss were seeping out of the ground as far away as Tokyo.

Tourist information[edit]

Main Street (Meeeen Stroot) in Stockholm.

A common misconception among tourists is that polar bears roam the streets. Polar bears do not exist in Sweden. However their close cousin the Icebear does, and they do roam the streets at night, however their faint bluellow glow make them inivisible to all but Drows. Among the sites of interest in Stockholm, three are particaluray interesting. The cultural heritage village of Rinkeby shows a fine example of how the natives constructed their houses during the 60´s. The other two points of interests aren't really that interesting. If you really want to get the real Stockholm experience, you might as well toss half of what you own in the bin, listen to indieelectronic powerkwaito fusion whilst drinking the national drink: Christer Petterson; Half Baley's, half vodka. And remember arthritis is all fun and games until it develops into fullblown AIDS.

If Stockholm bores you, you can consider Norrland, the mysterious part of Sweden, located only a thousand meters(?) north of Stockholm or Göteborg, the second biggest dump city in Sweden.

After the success with rebranding a small part of Södermalm as SoFo (South of Folkungagatan) city officials have now announced that they have created a new hip and trendy Stockholm area SoSö (South of Södertälje). SoSö is, according to rumours, filled with interesting sights for tourists such as the Göta Kanal, the Brandenburger Tor, the pyramids of Giza and practically anything geographiclly south of Södertälje.

If you are looking for sex, try Kungsängen (King's Bed), a local neighborhood specialized at giving you what you seek, or Tyresö - A location for all retards. Sheepest sex in whole Sweden!

Language[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Stockholm.

In ancient times (Read: A few weeks ago), the people of Stockholm and Sweden in general used to speak a language of their own called Swedish, consisting of somewhat intelligible sentences and words making communication possible. It was a beautiful language with catchy phrases such as "Hur mår ni?" (How are you?). Since then, the Swedish language has deteriorated into nonsensical, idle, and slack muffing.

  • Like most Nordic languages of today, the New Swedish language is incomprehensible to all non-Scandanavians.
  • The original Swedish used letters such as å, ä and ö. In New Swedish they were deemed too hard to pronounce, in likings with the rest of the world.
  • Some speculate that the godless Danes, whose own language is also known as "the scourge of God", caused Swedish to slide into disrepair.
  • The New Swedish language is also known to be horribly retarded.

Real location[edit]

As a matter of fact nobody really knows where Stockholm actually is located, but the legend tells about a city. It was a big city and the people that lived there were happy. But one day one of the persons wanted to explore the world outside. He climbed over the great wall surrounding the city and started walking. On his great journey he discovered WISP (Wireless Internet Service and Protection), landguiden.se and many other exciting things. But after ten years of constant walking he got bored. So he decided to go back to the city. But the city was nowhere to be found. So he founded a new city where he stood and it would later be called Stockholm. Stockholm is known as Knullbackar (Fuckhills) and will move to Iraq for greater economy profits. However, in the rest of the world Stockholm is mostly known as Fjollträsk (Fagswamp).



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