Stolen generation

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“I am afraid this could spell the death of high art, literature and soci… Holy fuck, that carver just dropped a zod. What are the chances… what are the chances… WHAT ARE THE FUCKING CHANCES!!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Stolen Generation

“It’s OK mum, I’ve already eaten. They do some great pasta in Orgrimmar now…”

~ Last words of Alex the kid
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Stolen generation.

The exact dates of the stolen generation are rather imprecise due to its commencement at different times in different areas of the globe. Some experts argue that members of this generation were the youth of 1993 or 1994 due to the emergence of one of the tools most successful at removing members of the generation: the RTS. Others believe it commenced much earlier.


The first signs that a generation would be stolen from the real world and become enmeshed in the digital emerged with the first appearance of video games in the 70s. 1972 was a landmark year with the emergence of Pong. Atari used this apparently benign mechanism to begin the entrapment of millions of youths.

Other companies soon realised the potential to create hordes of zombies to support them mindlessly. With the release of Pac Man by Namco in 1980 the ground was prepared for direct home invasion. Initially realised by companies such as Nintendo in the mid 80s the stolen generation was now inevitable.


Early days[edit]

The invention of the RTS was a groundbreaking move, the success of which surprised even it’s creators.

“I couldn’t fucking believe it… I mean there were so few pixels you couldn’t even really tell the difference between a worm and the sand. And we made it so infuriatingly slow to play. But still our wars wiped out more young men than anything before. Makes the great war look like a petty squabble really.”

~ Brett Sperry, founder of Westwood Studios

Blizzard, one of the most nefarious perpetrators of the stolen generation, was launched to infamous heights during this period with the release of Warcraft, a name synonymous with anguish and turmoil worldwide.

First Casualties[edit]

This, and the development of Diablo, was merely practice for an insidious and yet much more brutal assault. Taught from a tender age to accept progress and video games the youth stood no chance of resisting that which was to come.

Starcraft was released and rapidly taken up. First sports fields and then people fell as they began to realise that quitting was not an option. Initial reports of deaths out of Korea were laughed off by the international community but little did they know that the combined weapons of RTS, RPG and FPS would prove overwhelming.

The vast majority who survived were often worse off. They would be found in a daze. Incapable of responding in more than brief grunts it was initially thought that evolution was coming full circle. However it was soon realised that this was not the case. No, their minds had been stolen.

Artist's representation of the progression to the modern gamer

International response[edit]

Many countries, such as Australia, have long ignored the problem. In a bold move, however, the Australian government has decided to say “sorry” to an entire generation for its neglect. There are many critics who claim this will simply make the government liable for compensation to a group of completely unproductive people already draining the state of what little it has to spare.

“Of course we’re not going to say sorry. My buddy Dubya never said sorry to anyone. Besides it’s not our fault. It couldn’t be. First they want child protection, and then the right to do what they want. Now they just want to sue us for letting them have that. Back in my day my father would have beaten the shit out of me for being a lazy leech. And I would have enjoyed it.”

~ Former Prime Minister John Howard on the Stolen Generation.

Others believe this will allow reconciliation so that our society as a whole can move forward. Programmes are already in place preparing to assimilate these disaffected people into society. Basic skills such as eating and drinking shall be taught. It is as yet unknown whether their fragile minds will cope with the revelation of the existence of another sex, however leading psychiatrists are hopeful.

“I am going to say sorry to prove that I do not copy anything from my predecessor Howard the Coward. I thought that anyone who could see my wonderfully featureless face could tell that. Howard had more hair in his eyebrows than I have ever had. Anywhere.”

~ Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd in an interview for Playboy