The Stork

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Frequently in Western culture The Stork is used to divert talk about child birth, The Stork is actually the American Demi-god of child birth and as such delivers those in need of children upon lavish payment.

Frequently in Western culture The Stork is used to divert talk about child birth, though many believe this to be a false statement. The Stork is actually the American Demi-god of child birth and as such delivers those in need of children upon lavish payment. Those wishing to get in touch The Stork must contact Vlasic™, yet his services are now terminated in the fields of child birth.


It is widely known that The Stork was created by Raptor Chet IV (supreme Raptor King/Sorcerer) in order to supply carnivorous dinosaurs with a fresh supply of baby storks which would later be used for breeding and feeding purposes. Though there are many other speculations on how The Stork came to be. The Stork did not however start out as he looks today, over millions of years he has morphed into the bird-like figure we know now. The changes can be observed below.
Jurassic Period (208 Million Years ago)
The pure unadulterated teen-aged version of The Stork. This version wielded state of the art Big Claws™, a T-Rex hide jacket, a slick hair-do and a long ass beak. The reason for such high tech weapons was the fear of herbivores who would also want to eat the baby storks. This version also had a bad boy demeanor that got him a lot of chicks but got him in trouble with the principal.
The Stork in his young Jurassic days
Cretaceous period (144 million years ago)
This fancy more refined bird had decided to build upon his commodity and create an industry bent on becoming the largest poultry-dinosaur distribution center in the world. Essentially hellbent on creating such an empire The Stork singlehandedly researched and developed a line of primal chicken and turkey species. Both of which went on to evolve into the species we know today. Over the next hundred million years or so...The Stork's knowledge of business grew as well as his range of customers.
Homo Sapien development (250,000 years ago)
This high developed new version of the stork took advantage of the new intelligent creatures and attempted to bargain with them for his services and pestered them every day about his products(thus receiving the nickname "Tom", short for "'Tom'orrow I'm gunna punch that guys lights out"). They humbly refused the poultry offer and for a while The Stork could not develop a marketing deal with the humans . Eventually The Stork started to observe the birthing, sexual and other habits of the humans to better understand their culture (not only did he discover a plan to but also birthed the idea of "peeping Tom").The Stork eventually accomplished what he sought so hard after and created the baby delivery service. The humans agreed and The Stork started to deliver many babies with his new sleek slip streamed look.

The Stork of A.D[edit]

Today The Stork has a large hold on the population whether it be commercial or mythological. The Stork of today is an iconic bird that has shaped the present and future for the better on it's journey through A.D(Anno Domini).

The First 1000 Years[edit]

In his first 1000 years of A.D, The Stork brought many influential figures to life on Earth. Just a few include Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Cleopatra, Dracula, Spock and Shamoo...just to name a few. The Stork also funded the development of important high-tech essentials. Swords, shields, arrows, rocks, wood, swords, pikes, short swords, long swords, lances, catapults and last but not least the Black Plague.

The Second 1000 Years[edit]

The second 1000 years is arguably the time where most humans walked the Earth. The Storks business was working out perfectly and new evolved poultry were being utilized by the same humans he was selling babies to. Many influential figures were brought to life during this time as well. Many of these names can be recognized immediatly:

Beethoven, Mozart, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Babe Ruth, Einstein, Oprah, George W. Bush, and Bill Gates. The Stork singlehandedly populated China during this time.

The Downfall[edit]

During the 1920's The Stork had developed a speakeasies business in the city of New York. His obsession with alcohol only grew from there. This alcoholism continued through the end of the Second World War. At this point The Stork had gone on to drugs and abused stimulants during the 1950's-1970's a time also referred as the baby boom in which drugs had sped up The Storks delivering process. Disappointed with the fact that The Stork had been delivering their babies whist tripping balls...The Stork was banned from delivering babies any more but his legacy still lived on in stories.

The Recovery[edit]

Destined to bring his life back together The Stork invested into the pickle industry and quickly became one of the top selling pickle brands simply titled Vlasic™. Many questions arised on why The Stork went into the pickle industry all leading to one answer...the pickles at that time sucked and could not be saved by anyone but The Stork.

Future Endeavors[edit]

It is not certain what the future may hold for The Stork, this seemingly immortal bird had conqured many. Many believe he will become a greater being and rule the birds. Others think he will become a reckless alcoholic and drug user once again on December 21, 2012 in which case the world will end.

Little Known Facts[edit]

  • The Stork delivers babies to people who can't afford butter.
  • The Stork delivers babies to people that don't have the balls to make their own child.