Stunt Driver's Licence

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A licenced stunt hero defeats some drug dealers, or something

The Stunt Driver's Licence is a special form of driver's licence entitling the licencee to perform spectacular stunts, get involved in exciting high speed chases and crash into anything he/she likes.

Whilst normally this sort of behavior could lead to arrest, licence suspension and/or imprisonment, the holder of a stunt driver's licence must merely display stunt or S plates upon his/her vehicle. When a police officer sees such a vehicle performing a spectacularly dangerous manouever, he must immediately crash his police car in the nearest body of water. In some jurisdictions he is then required to get out of the car, and throw down his hat in an exasperated and comical manner.

History of the SDL[edit]

The SDL was introduced in the USA in the 1980s following the landmark Supreme Court ruling in People vs Michael Knight. The judgement upheld a ruling from a lower court, condemning Michael Knight to twenty years penal servitude for vehicular manslaughter and mandating the destruction of KITT. This ruling allowed many other high-octane do-gooders to be prosecuted for driving offences, including the Dukes of Hazzard (both sentenced to death; Bo's sentence was later commuted), James Bond and Mr. T. While this so-called 'tough line on stunt heroes' did result in a drastically reduced number of road accident related fatalities nationwide, tragically it also led to a vast reduction in the numbers of overweight Southern authority figures getting their comeuppance.

The sentencing of Mr T turned out to be the last straw. Millions petitioned Congress demanding that the laws be changed to allow qualified high-torque superheroes to perform dangerous stunts on busy streets. So, the SDL was introduced, allowing a new generation of Vin Diesels and Keanu Reeveses to take up where the Streethawks and Bullitts of yesterday left off.

How to Get an SDL[edit]

To get an SDL in the United States, you must first be either a licenced driver, or be related to a licenced driver. Second, you must sit a written test, then complete an obstacle course full of exploding ramps.

Questions from the written test include:

  • You approach an intersection without traffic lights. You wish to turn to the right. Do you
a. Give way to traffic from your left?
b. Give way to traffic from your right?
c. Swerve around the corner, tires screeching, narrowly miss a small child, then accelerate rapidly to the right, fishtailing wildly?
  • When can you stop on a freeway?
a. During designated times.
b. Only in an emergency.
c. Never. Even if the freeway is incomplete, you must keep travelling at top speed and jump off the end of the completed structure.
  • What is the best way to deal with an explosion on the road?
a. Stop your car, and inform the fire brigade.
b. Methodically attempt to evacuate the area and put out any fires that may have started.
c. Drive through the explosion and out the other side with little flamey bits sticking to your car.
  • Complete this sentence. 'Carparks are for...'
a. ...parking cars.'
b. ...secret meetings with government informants.'
c. ...huge, multi level car chases, ideally with someone's car flying over the safety railing and crashing in the street below.

SDL is not to be confused with LSD! Both are required if you intend to drive a taxi in New York City.