“The most sexiest thing to hit this planet, since Jesus.”
| The Subject of this Article is too Damn Sexy!|
If you saw this person it's possible that you might fall to the ground and
worship him/her, or spontaneously combust from a sex drive overload.
Jessica Alba aka "Sexy McHottie" is the quarter Hispanic goddess of sexiness and lust. The heir to the famed Alba electronics empire, she spurned a life of opulence (and debauchery) in favour of a life of acting (and slightly less debauchery). She has since become a poster girl and inflatable sex doll for sexually insecure jocks and pathetic anorak nerds all over America. It has been reported 89% of males love her. The other 11% consisting of homosexuals. Actually no, homosexuals like Cam or Oscar Wilde would probably appreciate Jessica Alba's exquisite beauty. Those 11% are sick freak FAGGOTS, like Michael Jackson.Although Michael Jackson is a highly respectable man and has just reasons for his actions. Jessica's high school heartthrob was Aaron Kumar. The relationship only lasted for a mere 5 days. The end of this relationship was caused by her lack of skills in bed and abusing behavior.
On December 12th, 2007 it was announced that her womb was carrying the second coming of Chuck Norris, of course the father of her first child was Ben Cousins and all that child does is take coke and ice.
Jessica Alba also has a brother who may be gay, but we don't know about it yet.
Her acting debut came at the tender age of 5, when she appeared in E.T. 3: the Extra Testicle. Other movie roles followed quickly, including: Escape from Boner City, Death to the Olsen Twins, Flipper versus Predator, and the seminal remake of The Sound of Mucus. She also appeared in almost 30 crappy kids shows that aren't worth mentioning. The shows by Disiney, you know. She has a pathological urge to vomit at least once a day, picked up after walking within 5 feet of Paris Hilton last year.
Alba was regarded as the absolute sexiest Jew ever this was until 1990 when Donald Trump & Rosie O Donald had a kinky one night stand which resulted in the birth of Missy who at only 1 minute old won the hearts of many sick pedos around the world & was declared the sexiest Jew ever. This ignited a 16 year long fued between Missy & Alba now known as "The Battle of the Jews".
Her more recent movies and TV-shows include:
- Fantastic Foursome
- Into the Poo
- Sim City
- Fantastic Whore
- Freddie vs. Jason vs. The Board Of Education
- Dork Angel
- She's a Good Fuck, Chuck!
She is best known for her widely recognisable ass which is named Sally. Often when Jessica Alba is sighted it is not her but her good friend Sally that is spotted first and taken as a clear sign that she must be nearby. She showed off her fine body on the game show Family Feud where she was forced to partake in sex with three men from the audience and Richard Dawson, the host. She currently enjoys a fantastic sex life with Simon Crisp of Newcastle-upon-Tyne.
from WWTDD.com: "If Jessica Alba were in a bikini on a beach and grabbing my ass, like she is in these pictures taken last week in Hawaii with her boyfriend Cash Warren, I could walk away, get anally raped by a tiger with AIDS in front of my parents and the girl I had a secret crush on in high school, and it would still be the greatest day of my life."
Jessica Alba's Ass is generally considered the most perfect thing in existence. It is rumoured that Jessica Alba is the progeny of Chuck Norris's left testicle (his weaker one).
She is no longer allowed outside because too many men are creaming their pants and attempting to rape her. Lucky for her, she possesses the physical strength of 18 hulks. While indoors she engages in masturbation and other schoolgirl activities which she never got to participate in because she was incredibly HOT. She has been dating Yoda and some other seniors aged over 90 in recent months. She said she picked them because, "They've been around and they know so much."
In 2007 Jessica Alba was featured on The Red Potatoe Publicity Page, she is deeply moved and had apparently been a fan of the Red Potatoe for some time previous to the announcement. She was awarded for her bravery and valour in times of unrest.
The crew at the red potatoe publicity felt it was important people knew that Jessica Alba is "Smokin' hot!"
They have proof:
No one knows what I would do to Jessica Alba. I would take her and wrap us in a cloth and do the
If someone were to say they wouldn't fuck her, he must die in the hands of All Mighty Chuck Norris
I Had A Dream
Last night I had a dream that I was wandering through a giant forest and their perched among the ewoks like Princess Leia was Jessica Alba. "I will use my mystical powers if you remove your pants," I said, and when she smacked me I levitated like crazy.
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