Summerville, South Carolina

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Summerville, South Carolina

Downtown Summerville

Motto: Who needs a motto!
Mayor Competition McCurry (R)


1001 AD

Dorchester County


Area on Water

100.9 square miles

0.00 sq mi (0.0 km²) .00%

Population 157,714 (2005)
Time Zone Eastern: UTC-5/-4

Summerville is a city, technically, but calls itself a resort and is in Dorchester County, South Carolina, United States. The town was founded by the Native Americans in 1001 A.D. as a budget resort intended for those who were too lazy, fat, or poor to attend the superluxurious resorts on local Kiawah Island or Isle of Palms. But in 1366, the Native American Sultan passed the Anti-Ugly Act of 1366 which banned ugly and fat people from the whole state. Though in recent years, the number of superficial, unintelligent buffoons has decreased, allowing more superior people to migrate and exist in Summerville. The name SUMMERville was enough for it become the richest town in the world because everyone likes summer, right?. In 2005, the Census Bureau estimated the population at 157,714. The city is a suburb of Charleston; and has thus experienced rapid population growth. As defined by the U.S. Census Bureau, Summerville is included within the Charleston-North Charleston Urbanized Area and the Charleston-North Charleston Metropolitan Statistical Area. It has the 2nd largest city limit population within the metro.


Summerville is located at (33.008154, -80.182891).

According to the United States Census Bureau, the town has a total area of 100.9 square mile. None of the area is covered with water.


As of the census of 2000, there were 157,752 people, 90,391 households, and 91,523 families residing in the town. The population density is 697.6/km² (1,806.7/mi²). There are 232,026 housing units at an average density of 278.7/km² (721.8/mi²). The racial makeup of the town is 12.5% White, 12.5% Black, 12.5% Native American, 12.5% Asian, 12.5% Pacific Islander, 12.5% from other races, and 12.5% from two or more races. 12.5% of the population are Hispanic or Latino of any race.

In the town the population is spread out with 20.7% under the age of 18, 47.8% from 18 to 24, 31.2% from 25 to 44, .3% from 45 to 64, and 0% who are 65 years of age or older. The median age is 20 years. For every 100 females there are 90.1 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there are 100 males.

The median income for a household in the town is $243,635, and the median income for a family is $251,469. Males have a median income of $236,980 versus $55,529 for females. The per capita income for the town is $450,567.03. Interestingly, no one in the town of Summerville works hard to make money: Most money is earned through organized crime, real estate, and modeling and (remember everyone is hot). None of the population is living below the poverty line. However, 12% of all pets live below the poverty line.


An ancient Native American viaduct in Azelea Park.

The town of Summerville also hosts the annual Flowertown Festival, which is the largest outdoor rave in the world; last year’s attendance peaked at 1,230,219. It is held the first weekend of April in Summerville's Azalea Park and it last the whole week. Over the years many artist have performed including DJ Tiesto, Technoboy, Paul Van Dyk, Talla 2XLC and DJ Luna. Festivities include wet T-shirt contests, car shows, high school baseball and soccer tournements. Also a seasonal euthanisation of any Gays who may have snuck into the rave occurs, headed by the town's current most logical and fabulous person. It is a prized position, any many jealous people speak out against it, secretly wishing they could conduct the program themselves. Also, speed freaks love to visit Summerville because it is the start for I-20 South Tollway which has a minimum speed of 120mph.

Summerville High School[edit]

Summerville High School – Enrollment: 70,470 (Largest high school in the nation)

Summerville is home to Summerville High School which was founded in 1042 by the Native Americans. Since it is in the state of South Carolina, the school is set up like a college (boarding) and students live on campus in dorms or club houses. It sits on 1000 acres of land and has its own town (constructed in 1059) run by students. It is the richest high school in the nation and, is nationally renowned for its state-of-the-art facilities and top-notch sports programs. The Administration of Summerville High is headed by billionaire (#140 worldwide) former SHS football coach Brion Rutherford and consists of 8 more billionaires who all decide what to do with Summerville High School's massive $9.1 trillion endowment fund.

Media Center[edit]


Summerville High's media center contains 400 workers who tend to 30,000,000 books (some are porn). In 2000 The Administration signed a $10 billion deal with Newcorp change Charleston's local FoxNews 24 into LiveSky and move it to Summerville High School a deal of this kind of magnitude in unprecedented this is the only High school TV station in the country to have this kind of relationship with any major media company (Newscorp) also this is the only Sky TV station in the country. The Channel can be viewed on 3.1 and its SKYscan Dopplar Radar can be viewed on 3.2 . Other media include one other TV station, WSHS6 HD on channel 6.1 which is nothing but sports and sports news all day long and three radio stations which are WAVV 88.1 News talk, WSTK 88.3 Pornotalk, and 101.7 WRAV Rave radio. Both TV and radio stations broadcast from the top of the media center for a radius of 1000 miles. The media center is also the base of operation for the Wavebreaker which is Summerville High's newspaper/magazine.


Summerville High School is known most known for its sports teams and this is just the way the powers that be like it. The Administration of Summerville High has put over $60.2 billion into the sports programs since 2000 and Forbes Magazine values Summerville's Football, Baseball and Soccer programs at over $1 billion a piece which makes them worth more than most professional teams worldwide. A massive part of the multi-billion dollar operation are the state-of-the-art stadiums each of Summerville's ten stadiums has heated/AC seats, with computers inside of them. However, the average cost to attend a soccer, baseball, or football game is $100. If that's not enough, in 2008 The Administration approved a $200 billion project known nationwide as the "The WTF, you just built a new stadium project". This project included plans for a new high tech stadium in every sport. This year's most exciting player is JV center Thomas "Hitman" Hart.

State Titles:

New home of SHS Soccer will be completed in 2010
  • Football: 1882-1978, 1982-1995, 2000-2002, 2004-2007
New Football Stadium nearing completion - Construction began: 2008
  • Cockfighting: 1042, 1064, 1078-1933, 1956, 1978 (will disband 2015)
  • Dogfighting: 1042, 1649, 1669, 1099-1700 (disbanded 1750)
  • Basketball: 2008 (disbanded 2008)
  • Lacrosse: 1042-1991, 1998, 2001, 2005, 2007
  • Soccer: 1642-1948, 1955-1971, 1982, 1998-
    Current home of SHS Soccer - Completed: 1995 (scheduled for demolition in 2010)
  • Baseball: 1865-1991, 1994-2004, 2006
  • Swimming: 1044, 1980, 1988, 1990, 2003-
  • Tennis: 1898-1965, 1991-1994, 1998, 2001, 2004, 2007
    Home of SHS Tennis completed 2009
  • Rugby: 1800-1998, 2005-
  • Golf: 1042-1975, 1992-1995, 2001, 2005, 2008
    Track & Field Stadium - Completed: 2008
  • Track and Field: 1043-
  • Cross-Country: 1845-
  • Lady's Lacrosse: 1042-1776, 1801, 1893, 1932, 1936, 1943, 1997, 2003
  • Lady's Soccer: 2007
  • Lady's Basketball: 1992 (disbanded 1992)
  • Lady's Tennis: 1897-1967, 1987-1997, 2007-
  • Softball: 1939-1945 (disbanded in 1946), 1965-1974 (disbanded again in 1975), 1998-
  • Volleyball: 1945-1969, 1983-1999, 2001-2007
  • Lady's Golf: 2007
  • Lady's Track & Field: 1042-2007
  • Lady's Cross Country: 1846-


  • Mayor Competition McCurry (R) can bench 1010lb.
  • Mayor McCurry can be seen patrolling Summerville's streets in his green Suburban (with a 40" tires and Flowmasters) looking to fight some crime.
  • Trillionaire criminal investor, Al Parish, stole over $75 trillion from 200 people around Charleston's metro area during the largest Ponzi scheme in history.
  • Summerville, South Carolina, was voted Most Sexy City in 2005 by FHM magazine.
  • One day Michael Vick got outrun by a SHS cheerleader (she was ranked #15 in SHS for hottness) on the Summerville Football practice field.
  • Street racing is a popular legal past time in Summerville.
  • There aren't any gays in Summerville.
  • Summerville is 84% Republican.
  • The town of Summerville has a party atmosphere, which explains why there are so many drunks lying around the streets late, pretty much every night.
  • Summerville High School's tuition is $50 a year if you live in Summerville but, $1,000,000 a year if you don't (30,454 don't).
  • SHS only receives $100,000 a year from the Sultan of South Carolina, the other $1.1 trillion comes from private enterprises around the world and foreign governments.
  • Summerville High School has the record for the most people to attend a high school guy’s soccer game, 43,489. They also have record for highest attendance at a football game in high school which is 60,948.
  • Thanks to the Sultan of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, any sports players in high school in South Carolina can go pro after high school.
    • Summerville is the one of only five high schools where a sports player has gone straight to the NFL.