“Never gonna give you up.”
“Sunni? Never heard of it... What is it, some kind of soup? Something you'd feed the kids, but not yourself, right? Ah, I see. Like Rat poison!”
“1/4 of the population makes up 25% of the population, according to scientists and 25% of the population.”
“The only good 1/4 of a population is a dead 1/4 of a population.”
“I don't like people who make fun of me... I lag your servers now. rofl noobs! hax!”
“STFU cut his mike...”
“The only good Sunni is a dead Sunni.”
“HOW MANY COWS HAVE SEX PER DAY?!”
“I actually gave birth to him.”
Origins of Sunni the Dragon Slayer
Imagine him to be a large dragon, with 8 purple tentacle arms and the amazing ability to turn into a 2007 punch buggy. But don’t fall for his all his majesty; you must remember he was an evil dragon/octopus/Optimus Prime.
Now one day he came and stole all of Sunni’s little Mexican children from Italy. The evilest of evil deeds**. Now that was the last straw so Sunni attempted to chase the evil Dragoctopus Prime, but he quickly fled to China where he teamed up with the almost as evil King Kongizilla, who was surprisingly a combination of King Kong and Chuck Norris.
Now since he was all the way on the other side of the world Sunni needed some way of getting there. That’s when his brilliant brain had an idea. He bred a Horse, a laser beam and a dead bird to make THE UNDEAD FLYING HORSE WITH A LASER BEAM ON ITS HEAD. It was the pwnage and it carried Sunni and his level 156 (I used GameShark) Pikachu to China. It was an intense battle and after a long time King Kongizilla was killed, but Pikachu had sacrificed itself to do so.
This made Sunni sad, so he went super-saiyan seven and defeated Dragoctopus Prime. Once he was dead, Sunni stole Dragoctopus Prime’s scales and made a pretty necklace for Cliff. The sad thing was, since Dragoctopus Prime was dead the scales turned to dust and Cliff got nothing.
After this amazing adventure, Sunni went on to defeat the FireDragon living in Cliff’s garage. He ventured for a long time and found the firedragon sword and shield along with Crystal’s lost library books. After finding the great relics he slayed the dragon and made another necklace from the obviously teal scales. Sadly they had the same fate as Cliff’s necklace, so Crystal got nothing either.
- NOTE: This is not the evilest of deeds. Killing and raping 300,000 small, starving children while choking them with the cutest rabbits in the world and stabbing out their eyes with rusty forks is in fact, according to scientists, one of the More Eviler Deeds. Stealing Mexican children is not on the list.
Origins of Sunni
Born in 12BC, he was raised by the Amazonian.com warriors. Some scientists say this "may have been the time before the advent of the internet, so how could there have been an Amazon.com?" Well, what the hell do the scientists know, besides Scientology. They don't know anything, "Mr. Stuart, perhaps you should stop trying to peel off your face," or "Maybe you shouldn't have ingested that three litres of whale tranquilizer," or "please do not dislocate my leg and chew on my fingers!!!" WHAT THE HELL DO THEY KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING!!??!?!?!?!... cough... ahem... Back on topic, He grew up hunting giant centipedes and drinking the dew off leaves. After 13 years, a (very lost) UNICEF team bound for the starving children of Africa stumbled upon Sunni while he was out hunting one day. As a well oiled Unbelievably Notorious Inbred Clown Eaters Foundation team, they decided to bring him back to their UNICEF home planet.
The Scrimshaw Years?
After being abducted by the Unbelievably Notorious Inbred Clown Eaters Foundation, he was enslaved by them as a miner in their Obviously Teal mines, where he worked day in and day out without sleep for 549,000,000 years. In UNICEF years. So about 5 minutes. Plus GST and PST... Anyways, the great mines were interrupted by what survivors say was an incredibly loud roar, and what scientists describe as an incredibly large vibration of the vocal cords in a large scaled beast. Plumes of red hot flame poured down the mines and seared the flesh of approximately 543 workers, or as scientists would say, injured 542.67 people, according to statistics. Sunni was able to hide in an overturned mine cart and survived the the blast. He then sprinted to the surface, and ravaging the huge cities was an Obviously Teal dragon. 'Twas but a young whelp, but Sunni did not realize the anger and frustration of the dragon was actually caused by an extreme case of bowel discomfort, something I hope to god no reader of this article would ever be unfortunate enough to experience. Seriously, not even Preperation H would be able to soothe that pain. Some nasty redness and swelling. Well, to make a long story short, he pwnd that Dragon good, like ice cream with pie... err, pie with ice cream.
After making the long and drawn out (yet still cinematic and emotional, none the less.) escape from the obviously teal mines, Sunni made his way North until he stumbled upon the city of your fridge, and there he met the Nacho refugees. They were fleeing north to the 235th dimension, but Alternate Cliff was killing any and all Nachos before they could get across the heavily defended bridge. After hearing of their plight, decided he should sign up for the nacho recruitment station and help them take the bridge, and take over the 235th dimension. Unfortunately, the Nacho Militia was armed with little more than cardboard boxes. Heavily outnumbered and outgunned, Sunni and the Nachos were in grave danger...
After another four years of recruitment, conscription, and training, Sunni and the Nachos were ready to take the bridge, and eventually the 235th dimension. The attack began on Thursday, April 32, 1936. Now equipped with more powerful weaponry, they performed a surprise attack when Cliff's forces were switching posts. It was a long and bloody conflict, many Nachos died horrible and corn chip crunching deaths. After the battle was over, 45,000 people and Nachos had died, all fighting for a foothold to the 235th Dimension.
Who Do you speak of, Great Tree Master?
After the great Nacho war, Sunni settled down and started a feral duck farm in the Andes Mountain Range, ya faggots, and married Michael Caine. After 13 years of happy marriage, Sunni discovered that Michael Caine was actually cheating on him with one of the ducks, so he kicked him out and the duck and the now famous movie starlet moved to Hollywood and had a child named Michael Duck... Caine... After that nasty little incident, Sunni lived alone and was forced to eat all his ducks due to the lack of Stag in the area. The ducks, now depleted and with very rough down, escaped one night through the garden gate and ran for their feather-y lives. They escaped to the local police station, where they wrote their sad and heartwarming tale onto a crumpled napkin they had stole from the farm, and the police came and arrested Sunni. A film was made of this event, The Feral Ducks of Sunni Mountain. The critics greeted it with great reviews, but it was only limited released in theaters and almost went straight to DVD.
Sunni's acting career was very bad and anything but long, due to the fact that he only starred for three weeks on the crap and shit show, Days of our lives. This grossed about
$12 $12784135p8932560326578967843659826345298743854h3bvt2439857348rfg87432hbf874 and had no many spinoffs.