Super Mario Bros. 3

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You control Mario, who on occasion gets special powers when he dresses as a furry,who hits P (posession) buttons,coins,and flys when the possesion meter is full.

who wants to rescue Princess Peach from the evil Bowser. But in doing so, he has to work his way through more than 2 uniquely themed worlds, making this the longest game in history of mankind, even longer than the 200 level epic Donkey Kong. This time though, Bowser has enlisted help from his 10 kids, but 3 were eaten by Bowser.

Controls[edit]

Originally, the controls for Super Mario Bros. 3 were so complex that only highly trained specialists such as Robert Downey Jr. and Quinton Flynn were able to understand them; however, after several years of playtesting and three separate virgin sacrifices the following streamlined control scheme was implemented:


A Button -- Jump

B Button -- Don't Jump

Kris Kross Button -- Jump Jump

House of Pain Button -- Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! (et al.)

X Button -- This one didn't come along until Super Nintendo.

Y Button -- Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?

Z Button -- Forget it.

Start Button -- Starts something.

Select Button (a.k.a. Scroll Lock) -- Best button in the universe; does absolutely nothing

Print Screen -- Saves screen image to clipboard

Control Pad -- used to change direction and run the other way to die by something else.

Mariachi Band Button -- used to summon a Mariachi Band. If you press it too much, they kill a random person.

Worlds[edit]

Below is a list of worlds you must work through (along with brief descriptions):

1) Pleasantville Land -- surroundings are rendered in black and white, until Mario discovers the joys of masturbation.

2) Oz Land-- surroundings are rendered in black and white, until Mario discovers the joys of masturbation and crushing witches with houses.

3) Sin City Land-- surroundings are rendered in black and white, even after Mario discovers the joys of masturbation.

4)American History X Land-- surroundings are rendered in black and white, until Mario convinces a group of neo-nazis to stop hatred and racism by discovering the joys of masturbation.

5) It's a Wonderful Land -- surroundings are rendered in black and white, so an angel comes down to tell Mario what life would have been like if he had never discovered the joys of masturbation.

6) Schindler's Land -- surroundings are rendered in black and white and Mario is trapped in a concentration camp, he can only escape by discovering the joys of masturbation.

7) Clerks Land -- Mario hangs around in a convenience store not rendered in black and white while two deadbeats discuss and discover the joys of masturbation.

8)Pie Land -- Why wouldn't Mario come here? After all, everybody loves pie! Here, he also discovers the joys of masturbation.

9)Nietzsche Land -- Mario hangs around in a bleak and meaningless landscape, where an insane little voice tells him that God is dead. Mario can only escape by discovering the joys of masturbation.

10)Clown Land -- surroundings are not rendered in black and white, and Mario hangs around a circus populated entierly by Bowser's minions dressed as clowns. He only escapes upon discovering the joys of masturbation.

11)Luigi's snuff porn factory -- (also known as the warp zone) A drug/Pornography factory that is run by Luigi. The factory has pipes that take you to all the other 11 worlds. This world can only be accessed by playing a Magic Bong and discovering the joys of masturbation.

12)Bowser's Castle courtyard -- The final level which is defeated only when Mario discovers the kinkiest ways to enjoy masturbation (which involves defeating Bowser, and rescuing the princess).

0)Glitch Land -- The glitch level you can access by using a Game Genie. Mario hangs around in a trippy landscape that is not rendered in black and white. The only way Mario can escape is by discovering the joys of masturbation.

Trivia[edit]

  • Ernest Hemingway is reported to have said, "If I can't beat this game I'm going to shoot myself."
  • The Beatles composed the original soundtrack for this game, which was never actually released to the public, including such songs as "Why Are The Insides Of These Pipes Not Covered With Shit?" and "I Ate These Funny Mushrooms And Now The Plants Are Shooting Fireballs At Me!" and "Macarthur Park," the last of which was later optioned to Richard Harris as part of the Missouri Compromise.
  • This is Dom DeLuise's all-time favourite game.
  • Over 3 billion Canadian dollars ($2.16 AM$) were spent to select "that perfect, ineffably bluish kind of blue color" for the water levels, as well as the part of Mario's overalls that shielded a defenseless female populace from his turgid virility.
  • Ever since this game was made, plumbers worldwide have reported a 5% increase in their overall standard of living, as well as an incredible 37% jump in their self-esteem.
  • Piers Anthony, Darth Vader, and Punky Brewster all auditioned for the part of Bowser. However, it was Bowser himself who ultimately got the role.
  • This game has been banned in Uzbekistan, Wisconsin, and the 15th story of the Sears Tower.
  • It is estimated that 76% of all the statuary in ancient Greece is a result of amputees trying to use defective Tanooki suits.
  • A bug is present is the third level of Sin City, wherein Mario's image is replaced by pornographic images. This is because Shigeru Miyamoto (director of the game) forgot to remove his pornographic collection and accidentally mixed it with the game's code.
  • It is also a known fact that this game was made after Mario Galaxies and before the cremation of our lord and savior jesus christ.
SUPER MARIO TEMPLATE
Protagonists MarioPrincess PeachToad
Russia mario.jpg
Antagonists Donkey KongGoombaWario
Luigis Gay LuigiMama Luigi (Luigi's sojournMagic balloon)Weegee
Locations Mushroom KingdomAnother Castle®Yoshi's Park
Games Mario PartySuper Mario BrothersSuper Mario World
Whatnot Getting pushed into bananas (Mario Kart)Magic mushroomMariologyRaccoon Tail v. Super Mario CapeThe Mushroom Kingdom (band)