Mecha-Pope

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Mecha-Pope is a hideous biotechnological weapon co-constructed by the Roman Catholic Church and Domo-Kun to punish sinners and condemn the pure to the fires of Hell.

History[edit]

Mecha-Pope was built in the year 980 B.C. and was programmed to seek out sinners and subject them to divine judgement (castration with a rusty spoon). During construction, however, a rogue mechanic stuffed a flaming douche into Mecha-Pope's positronic brain. This caused a major malfunction in Mecha-Pope's AI, causing him to regard all human life as Satanic pedophiles/fucktards. As a result, Mecha-Pope has embarked on a journey to destroy all human life. Due to his association with the Church, Mecha-Pope was once believed to be some kind of mechanical pedophile/fucktard, but this rumor was debunked by one of his programmers, Holden Caulfield. "He hates children since they shit all over the place and have high nasally voices. Why the hell would he be a pedophile?"

Mecha-Pope was destroyed in an alternate universe by trans-dimensional hero Franklin Delano Roosevelt in a climatic showdown in downtown Beijing. Roosevelt exploited Mecha-Pope's fatal weakness: Logic. By presenting a statement based on logic, Roosevelt was able to make Mecha-Pope's faith-based AI bug out and explode. Roosevelt was proclaimed a hero and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. Posthumously, Mecha-Pope was voted to be the single greatest machine ever constructed by human hands. While he was on this Earth, several religions constructed their own answers to Mecha-Pope, including Mecha Buddah, the Cyber-Tollah, and Iron Man. In popular folklore, the Four Machine Judges are said to be the harbringers of the apocalypse.

Enemies[edit]

Mecha-Pope in his most powerful iteration.

Mecha-Pope has found himself the enemy of many heroic figures, such as Moses, God, John Kerry, Dan Rather, Andrew Fossey, and the White Sox. He has a legendary rivalry with pirate ninja samurai warrior Abraham Lincoln. Mecha-Pope and his legions of dinosaur altar boys are a force to be reckoned with. Reliable sources point to Mecha-Pope as the cause of such disasters as the sinking of the Titanic, extinction of dinosaurs, Uwe Boll's video game movies, the Great Irish Potato Famine, and Mexican immigration. KGB intelligence has unearthed startling new evidence that Mecha-Pope is the weapon of choice for such terrorist factions as PETA and NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Cloned Pirates).

Weaponry[edit]

Mecha-Pope's arsenal is as terrifying as his reputation. His concealed chaingun hands have made delicious home-cooked meals out of many a duck. He caused the Great Chicago Fire accidentally while destroying orphanages with a plasma cannon. He always carries a stock of holy water as a countermeasure against Goths and emo kids. His ultimate weapon is the MD ("Missionary Device"), which converts entire planets into godfearing Christian males. Mecha-Pope levitates himself several feet off the ground using an anti-gravity device powered by dead kittens and buttered toast, see Murphy's law application for antigravitational cats. Popular belief is that severing Mecha-Pope's power source; the Famous Five books, will destroy him. However, this would probably just agitate him. Examination of Mecha-Pope's subsystems have revealed the terrifying presence of self-replicating nanomachines. However, it has been since pointed out that Mecha-Pope has already used them for the purpose of re-animating corpses as mindless drones.