Surreal Movie

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  • When commies get really stoned
Writer Karl Marx
Producer Gordon Brown
Directors Gordon Brown, Leon Trotsky
Runtime Twenty (20) minutes
Language English, Weirdo
Distributed by PBS
IMDb rating

Surreal Movie was a 2009 Comedy film and a failed attempt by the Scary Movie crew to spoof really weird French movies and other crazy flicks. The fact that there was no sequel is proof enough that there is a God in the World.


The movie is deliberately stupid to capture the feeling of not knowing what the fuck is going on, but thanks to a handful of psychotic media students from Harvard University, some sense of what the hell is going on can be given.

A set of giant lips named Hap Happablap (Steven Spielberg) begin to sing Toxic by Britney Spears to the theme of When I'm 64 by John Lennon, before blowing up in an atomic-cloud of custard that covers the screen and turns into black treacle.

The scene then shifts to a fairground where a group of drunks, led by Linda Columba (Paris Hilton) are singing Merry Go Round Broke Down, before locking themselves inside the Hall of Mirrors. Part of the scene inside the Hall is presented here, just to demonstrate how stoned the writers really were:

The group are then arrested by a lame Superhero named Callum Gyro (Tom Cruise), who whisks them off for a luau at a place called Ocean Beach that is littered with thousands of dead parrots. The group are confronted by Vix Vaxxovox and Kenny Twat (Mephiles the Hedgehog and David Beckham respectively), who order them to put the dead parrots into a large pile using prime numbers.

Confronting Vix and Kenny, Callum makes an idiot of himself and beats them up, throwing the two villains into the sea. Linda is grateful, until Callum rapes her on the beach. One of the dead parrots (Daisy Duck), then comes to life, tap-dances to Heartstrings by Berlin and blows up, smearing the screen with blood, signalling the end of the movie.


For the first time in world history, every single movie critic on the planet unanimously agreed to a unanimous agreement unanimously about the movie: it was absolute bollocks. Roger Ebert, to name but one, called it:

A clunky, disgusting film that makes about as much sense as extreme jabberwocky

And, for once, the box office earnings reflected the reviews, as it was the first movie by the Scary Movie crew not to make a box office profit. From it's $20 budget came just a measly $0.001, which is impossible, but it happened anyway. So appalling was the result that Leon Trotsky walked out of the premiere in disgust, and has never returned any phone calls.

To date, nobody has been truly stupid enough to make a Surreal Movie 2, not even those bastards responsible for Scary Movie. No, let's be fair, even they're not THAT dumb, even if they do make crap movies. To add to that, Surreal Movie has become a prime example of the worst kind of movie in cinema history, making Plan 9 from Outer Space look like Gone With the Wind.


Movies Spoofed[edit]