Sweet and sour sauce
Based solely upon sweet and sour time-space reverberations, the flavoured slime referred to as Sweet and Sour Sauce is usually thin, brown, jelly-like, and not quite sweet, not quite sour, and more often than not, neither of the two. It is often wished by some that it would simply decide what the hell it wants to be, this is why the sauce was banned in the US. It is served mainly in fast-food restaurants, and is created in massive ion refineries buried several thousand miles beneath the earth's crust, where huge matter/antimatter smashers grind the two potentially lethal concepts of palate together into one horrendous perversion of tastes that goes very nicely with chicken McNuggets, celery, turkey, fish, phish, pr0ns, cow tongue, haggis, cream of wheat, Rub A535, a woman's stomach, a woman's underarm, beetles, creamed corn, Richard Simmons, and the complete and total annihilation of mankind.
Da History of Da Sauze
Invented in Ancient China on the pretext that there wasn't enough variety in their diet of rice, boiled cat, and heathens, Sweet and Sour Sauce was accidentally intended as a form of rocket fuel. The original recipe involved the sacrifice of a small goat, the raping of someone's mother, two grouses, quantum suicide, and several IKEA shelving units stacked on top of each other. The resulting explosion obliterated most of Asia, as well as destroying two nearby flying saucers that were scouting the planet for strip-mall construction and pimping.
Today, Sweet and Sour is the third most highly produced commodity in the world, after Crack, and Pornography. If you have never tried sweet and sour sauce, want to know what it tastes like, but dont want to buy any in case its a waste all you have to do is take some crack while looking at porn. depending on what take away you go to, this is the feeling you get while eating sweet and sour sauce. You think its great while your doing it, but after youve eaten it,well, lets just say its like taking crack, looking at porn, and then have your 84 year old granny walk into the room.
Variationz on Da Method
The ingredients now used in Chinese cuisine vary from those in western cuisine, as in China the sauces are made from mixing fresh donkey semen with a sour liquid such as Tang lemonade, anal discharge, or the fragmented remains of a pigmy marmaset. Sometimes a paste is made from a mixture of dried monkey heads and crushed DXM tablets, but this is rare and normally restricted to bored teenagers from Newfoundland who just happen to have a fresh supply of dried monkey heads and their mother's perscription at Shopper's Drug Mart at their disposal.
Mainly in America, sweet and sour sauce is given to customers in large ladel-fuls to the face, especially those who don't tip, but even more commonly to any members of a Mormon sect. However at take-out restaurants in Asia, the sauce is sprayed at customers through a hose as they pull up to the second window. This is usually followed by a ceremonial bonfire and wet t-shirt contest with all those involved in the incident, hopefully resolving any lawsuits that may ensue.
As you read this, you are advised to keep caution whenever encoutering this deadly substance. It is considered a narcotic and illegal in many jurisdictions. Stay in school.