System administrator

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Innocent geeks are attached to machines with chains. Their task is to verify that no bit in computer memories suddenly flips by effect of Quantum cheddardynamics.


“In Soviet Russia, system administrates YOU!!”

~ Russian reversal on System Administration

A modern form of slavery, system administration recently appeared in Western countries. Innocent geeks are attached to machines with chains. Their task is to verify that no bit in computer memories suddenly flips by effect of Quantum cheddardynamics. As there are many bits in a computer's memory, this is a huge task.

System administrators are fed with American canine food: pizzas, coca-cola, hamburgers and the dreaded pink betterfly. As a result, their teeth start falling. System administrators hide the missing teeth behind a beard or inside a long pony tail.

Not all system administrators started out overweight and smelly, and not everybody overweight and smelly is a system administrator. However, any system administrator who is not overweight and smelly after, at most, two years on the job should be suspected as being a spy or incompetent. This is because real system administrators replace the natural need for human contact with junk food (often talking to the food as if to a friend) and forgo typical hygiene as a sign of loyalty to their substitute greasy-sugary social structure.

As a pathetic attempt to escape from slavery, system administrators try to contact the outer world on IRC channels. Unfortunately, they only encounter other enchained system administrators and computer programmers on those channels.

The biggest hope of any system administrator is to become a computer programmer: their chain is a bit longer, but they get double pizza on Fridays.

Since system administrators don't breed, replacements must be recruited or drafted from the general population. Typical recruiting grounds include science fiction and video game conventions. If the selected subject refuses to become a system administrator due to a pre-existing minor social life, he or she will invariably change their mind after waking up one morning and finding their favorite computer's severed hard drive in their bed.

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