Tae-Kwon-Do

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“I love it more than a good night and a case of Bundaberg”

~ Kaye Chapman on Tae Kwon Do

“I wish I could learn some, then I could kick the crap out of Jack Thompson”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tae Kwon Do

Tae-Kwon-Do or as the French would like us to refer to it as "le poulet frite" was a form of the martial arts based on the British Self defence Tea-kwondo which started the 100 year war between Britain and France, as the French believed that no one nation should control such a powerful Martial art. In rality, they were just pissed off that Baguette Fencing was a pile of shite.

The British invaded and, though they slaughtered all the french ponces with their Mad Skillz, on the way home their sabotaged tea supplies melted holes in all of their ships and all of this work was lost. For many centuries his findings on Tea-Kwondo floated around the ocean, mostly hunting and hanging out with a whale they later came to call Mochuka when they stumbled across Japan.

The Koreans happily adopted the teachings of General Ying De Hong, though becuase of their inability to handle the copious and destructive power of so much tea, they "invented" a "new" style, taking them not as thirst quenching moves with a side effect of huge amounts of pain inflicting, but as a way to do fighting moves; this is how Tae-Kwon-Do became one of the cheapest and most ridiculed martial arts of the Orient. The Tae kwon do (or tkd) monster is currently somewhere over the South pole in search of food. Update: Unfortunately, the TKD monster just suffered a critical head injury from Alex Moore Son. He is now resting and devouring many innocent Koreans.

One of the most interesting things with Taekwondo is its worm-like behaviour, and scientists are doing experiments on how many different organisations it can split into without dying. The experiments are ongoing, although most of the scientists concluded that its behaviour in fact is more like bacteria. The main reason to why it's still spreading is that there became more different organisations than the scientists could handle. Other scientists believes that Taekwondo is more of a virus; Infiltrating other martial arts systems and producing taekwondo-practicers from them, destroying some until recently popluar martial arts. Among them are "Con-Few-Sh'n", "Poke-jutsu", and "Gay-Cruise".

Later on, it has been revealed that global infiltrations were the original intensions of self-pronounced generalissimus Choi Hong Hi when he joined ITF and became president of the Federation through a cunning coup, where he overthrew the previous regime of Taekwondo by means of two paperclips, a ladder, some lemonade and a hand controller of the Nintendo GameCube, in a mostly pasifistic way. Due to the principles of "doublethink" he made all ITF-followers believe him to be the true father of Taekwondo. The WTF was made out of the people who didn't understand his message (hence the name, "What The Fuck"), and so the evil plan of "grow, divide and conquer, and so on..." was set to life.

Since the Koreans weren't kicking ass all over...Korea, other nations decided to adopt the shit just to show how much ass it didn't kick. Used best when with a Wii remote or a gold NFL licensed dildo, this style of martial arts totally destroys other type's virginity.

See also[edit]

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Tae-Kwon-Do or as the French would like us to refer to it as "le poulet frite" was a form of the martial arts which started the 100 year war between Britain and France.