An article I wrote down after an epiphany at about midnight... don't be too harsh now!
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 13:51, 25 September 2007 (UTC)|
Endnotes: First, a little prose tidying-up could be beneficial. English and African should be capitalized, I believe; technically YOUR MOMS A NOOB should have an apostrophe (MOM'S). Very minor stuff, really.
More important, this reader had the uneasy feeling that the article never said what the phrase B& Aid really was -- saying somebody "came up with B& Aid as a theory" is remarkably vague. A theory of what? Why "B& Aid" and not, say, "B& 4 life" or "CHRLY C&!!" or something?
I suspect it's easiest on readers if they know in the first few sentences just what an article is going to be about. If it's an internet meme phrase, tell 'em so and in pretty short order explain what the phrase means and how it came to be. Then I think the reader is able to follow the rest of the article where it leads without having that nagging uncertainty nipping at the back of his or her tiny mind.
Good luck with this --
----OEJ 13:51, 25 September 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the review :) Kay, just a note or two. B& Aid is actually described as an internet phenomenon... beyond that is very hard to explain. The first half of the article is actually a satire on Snakes on a Plane - and what is Snakes on a Plane? God knows... just something thing someone said somewhere and it turned into a movie. I have no idea exactly how to elaborate from there. The prose: hey, fair enough. I pretty much typed it out once and that was it. I'm usually so good with grammar / spelling / punctuation, etc. so I'm very ashamed of that! :P On the images: How exactly am I meant to stun? Nothing's said about that. How can I improve my images? Thanks,
Whew, good questions. The little quibbles with capitalization are minor, tiny things.
I did an article on a fictional internet meme, DDDD, which is a straightforward and article-y way to approach something gleaned from teh internets-speak. There are two other articles, NEDM and YTMND, which demonstrate another way to handle it. It may seem hard to pin down the meaning of an intarweb meme, but just give it a solid whack.
Images are a hard one. Maybe if the phrase I CAME was somehow tied into the description of Chris Rock in the prose the picture would seem more interesting...or not...the best is if you could find or make a picture of Chris Rock as a secret agent. That would be a direct illustration of the story; even better than best would be if it was a very silly secret-agent picture, like Roger Moore fighting Jaws, except that Jaws has Hello Kitty glasses and lipstick. Or something.
Starving kids is a hard one to make funny. You might consider doing a little artist-work on the PWND. Here's a pic with a similar sentiment, from Turkey (animal):
Even if you want the letters to have a spray-painted look a little more attention to image arrangement would help. For instance, I might try to have a famine victim visually isolated, without other people's feet and legs around him, and fit the PWND in so that it doesn't obscure part of his face. Kind of make the picture look balanced and semi-pleasing to the reader's eye even if it is not a silly woodcut composition like the PWNED Indians.
Or not. All these are merely bad ideas from a bad, bad man. ----OEJ 00:31, 26 September 2007 (UTC)